Day 15 – SighFor the first time in my life I find myself dreading the end of a vacation. I’m usually SO ready to be back in my CLEAN home after these camping excursions. I’ve spent a lot of time today evaluating what is going on in my heart. I’m not totally sure at this point. Here are a few things I’ve pondered:
I enjoy our town in TX….I enjoy our ministry….I enjoy my friends…I enjoy my home and family….so WHY do I not want to go home???? Why do I tear up as we get closer to “home”?
“Home is where your heart is” and my heart is split and in several places. I can look ahead to next summer very easily, as we realize our vacation next year will be wrapped around a MOVE…and we’ll leave one or two more children at that time. In a very strange sense I felt more at HOME at the foot of the Sangre de Cristo Mountains, or at the USAF Fam Camp, than I do in our home of 3 years. I LOVED all 11 of us together again. It’s such a blessing to watch adults interact with pre-schoolers…love, concern, joy, laughter, grumbling…it’s good. I laugh about how much MORE food it takes when we are all around….and I enjoy cooking for a crew that includes two teens and four adults. I love having Mike close and available for discussions. I love having two adult daughters to discuss “life” with….I enjoy more one on one time with my 11 ½ year old daughter… I don’t feel ready to get back to our “new normal”.
I suspect it’s all about surrender, once again. This IS the phase of life and family season that I am in. I must surrender and walk in joy and contentment. They can’t possibly stay young forever…and some day in the next decade they’ll begin to bring home spouses and grandbabies and I’ll wake up in a new season once again….and need to remember the lessons I’m learning this week.
Jamin finished editing his second novel late last night in this bldg
Pueblo, CO
Clayton, NM
"Dog Walk"
This water is COLD!!!!
Games
Gotta run and listen to, "Kerplunk" by Patrick McManus!
De'Etta - I'm thoroughly enjoying all the camping entries and photos! It's wonderful to travel through the mountains, woods and roadways with your family. :)
ReplyDeleteI love hearing from your heart. Thanks for sharing so honestly with us. You do realize, don't you, that all of your emotions and sadness over the "loss" of your children means you have done a great job parenting? Actually wanting to be WITH your children is quite a gift. I'm sure it's probably something you take for granted (you're just used to your wonderful kiddos) but I think it's a precious gift!
I'm eager to hear where the next move will take you.
De'Etta, these times of transitions and choosing to seek joy in the midst of seasonal changes (with your heart in different parts of the country/world) can be challenging but edifying. I'll be praying for you, my friend. I pray God will continue to shower you with His grace, that He shows you the fruits of your labors and comforts you.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to know when the most difficult time in raising kids is! For us it was EACH and EVERY time we had to and still have to say goodby to any of you for a long period of time. One rejoices in their kids successes and feels for their kids hardtimes. BUT life goes one as we have found.
ReplyDeleteAs to GRANDKIDS!!! Definitely the feeling you have when they appear will shock and surprise you!!!!! It is really something else agian.
Know what you are going through though and will be praying much for you all.
love/prayers Mom T
De'Etta, thanks for sharing your thoughts. As you know, I am in a place of less-contentment, battling with surrender...for very different reasons, but the outcome is the similar.
ReplyDeleteI often feel very teary about going home, not for your reasons, but because camping for us is always such a pleasurable time, a time when we connect with each other in ways that don't always happen at home with all the many distractions.
Know that I pray for you and your family regularly.
Thanks for your understanding comments, ladies.
ReplyDeleteDebbie - thanks for sharing your coming home thoughts they helped me figure out what's up. LOL
I hadn't realized that going home from this vacation has such significance of next year's vacation. I can imagine not wanting this to end knowing what comes with the next vacation.
ReplyDeleteThe dog walk is funny!
ReplyDeleteOh it must be so hard to part with your grown children when they must go back to their own lives. I think I'll have a very hard time with that when it's my turn, as it will be before I know it. They do grow so fast.