Dandelion Bouquets

 I am lonely for Josiah. 

I missed him as the days grew longer. 

I missed him on the days leading up to Mother's Day. 

He loved being outdoors in Alaska. In years' past while Carrie worked on Saturdays, he would bring Livie out. She and the girls would bake, play or talk...and Josiah would jump in with whatever yard thing Michael or I were doing.  I missed him when the mowers began to give me fits! ::grin::

Memorial Day weekend would find him at Carrie's family's Lakehouse; he loved it up there. It signals the start of summer - for real.  This year Carrie, the girls and Erik prepared for the lake and my heart knew Josiah wasn't here. Even though this wasn't something *I* did with him, it made me think of him. 

Here we are at another season's start and we're still achingly lonely for Josiah's laugh, his voice, his smile, his hugs.  My doctor told me 6 months ago what I was feeling was depression and not grief. She suggested meds. My counselor assured me it was grief, and I seem to have an o.k. handle on depression.  We talked about when meds would be called for and the fact that the sun was just starting to come back, and that to me I didn't seem STUCK in the grief. He felt it was healthy for me to experience the emotions rather than worry there were too many. We determined I was o.k.  

In any event, this week when I saw my doc she opened with, "I have a friend who lost her son 20 years ago. She told me she is still grieving."  I think she may have been considering her comment to me, we had a fairly good discussion over the fact people say things like, "The trial will give you closure," or "The sentencing will give you closure." I told her I have no clue what "closure" looks like for the loss of an adult son. She considered her sons and agreed. I suspect "closure" is the wrong term for what we'll experience. Peace - YES. Hope - OH YES. Closure - not so much. 

It was a bright day. I had a flag I wanted to put at the cemetery...because flags are a great summer decoration.  I was crying and talking to Jesus on the drive to the cemetery.  I asked Jesus if he could give me just one memory of Josiah to make me smile, rather than cry.  I walked up and placed the puny flag (gotta get the bigger size) and noted the new dandelions at the top of his marker. 

Instantly I saw my little towhead with the big green eyes running toward me with a handful of dandelions at the start of spring. 

"Flowers, Mama," and I smiled. 

I sat by the grave and noted the hill was dotted with dandelions which weren't here last week. Those spring and summer bouquets of dandelions became one of my favorite rituals of motherhood. I have a little vase I save for dandelions the kids would bring me. As each one slowly grew out of dandelion bouquets, there was a younger sibling to bring me more....all through the 80's, 90's and into the 2000's.  I was SO frustrated in 2015 when Grandma Mary informed Stacia dandelions were weeds and she didn't want the bouquet Stacia had picked. Stacia quit bringing ME bouquets too.  It was the end of an age. 

The kids bring me pretty bouquets now....but the days of dandelion bouquets were fantastic. My heart misses the simplicity. Every once in a while, one of the grands will pick me dandelions. I had hoped to start a trend with them, but it hasn't caught on. LOL 

"Flowers, Mama!" 

It WAS a pleasant memory. I am thankful for Jesus and for answered prayers...and I am thankful Jesus understands that even though it was the perfect answer to my prayer... I was crying again. Tears are just my superpower. 

This Week

I don't broadcast when our house will be sitting empty for obvious reasons. You can be sure we have house sitters if I ever mention an upcoming trip. LOL I also decided not to blog while Michael was out of state. Michael's passport arrived just in time for this trip. Thanks to those who prayed about that. 

Early on May 18th, Michael, Krista and Reno left our home. Their goal was to drive down the Alcan with Reno to Colorado by the 21st. Reno is on the "don't fly" dog list. He is spending this next assignment in GA with a sweet couple rather than in Japan. 

I am guessing Krista is in the back...

These two have a history of fast trips up and down the Alcan. They have been known to drive straight through for days at a time. We were all impressed with the speed with which they ticked down the miles. 

Michael & Krista at Watson Lake, Yukon

Back in Alaska it was Impact Alaska, the Sunday when the church leaves the building and gets out in the community. Gas buy downs, oil changes, yard work, construction projects, painting... it's a fun event. The even has grown to include several other churches and even a church in Canada this year.  Jared led a team at the Chugiak Senior Center. 

This is a challenging event with GG.  He can't do much of the physical labor and gets bored just sitting and watching. Last year Michael stayed home with him, and I joined a Valley church. With Michael gone, Stacia and I committed to clean up in the local area - on our own without a church group. It works. 

Monday, the traveling trio continued their way across Canada and into Montana. 

Allie worked, GG called through his list, Stacia and I cleaned and decluttered our spaces. She took 7 bags of clothes, a chair and a box of miscellaneous things to Bishops Attic. 

The girls and I are working through Leverage Redemption - Season 2 and 3.  The travelers punched through into the lower 48. Reno enjoyed the green grass.  Here at home, we continued to entertain GG, I got a pedi, Allie worked...Nolan came over for games and a visit...and I totally forgot Life Group. 

Wednesday Stacia watched GG so I could go to the doctor. It appears my A1C DID move down a bit. I was hitting the "diabetic" label but am now at the "pre-diabetic" level. I got clarification on a few health instructions. Luke attended Kaelyn's promotion from 6th grade to Junior High. Luke flew out to Colorado. 

It took some WORK, but I was able to attend Bible study which concluded with a surprise birthday party for Arielle. 

Thursday Michael began enjoying what will be nearly a week with his brother Earl and his wife Mary. Krista and Luke continued on to GA. 

Friday Alex surprised me by coming over to mow. I went out to help with the edging - I operate the push mower and weed eater. The riding mower wouldn't start. Alex was determined and began mowing this big yard with the push mower. At one point I was talking to Alex. He was waving. I thought we were communicating until I turned my head and noticed I was between him and two moose. LOL  I moved aside and let the moose take advantage of the cleared paths to the greenery. 

I had set out trays of starts to harden in prep for transplanting to the garden. The moose thought the trays were a buffet offering. LOL  I was thankful they left me plenty to plant. 

Nolan and Jamin joined us for dinner. We are working through the Marvel universe in order...trying to help me understand what in the world is going on when we go to see the upcoming movie, "Doomsday." It was a fun evening. 

The girls puttered on Saturday and then had Writing Club. WAIT - Stacia also went for a walk with her mentor. 

In the morning, I used the weed eater to clean up some edges, and to beat back some devil's club and such. I was properly clothed. I came in showered, got Dad up and ready for the day and went back to work in the garden. 

I couldn't resist any longer, I put out a few plants regardless of what the almanac says.  The other tricky problem of planting now is that Michael didn't set up the electric fence before he left. I have tried, but some part is missing, and he said he'll take care of it when he gets home. WHICH IS perfect timing if I were following the almanac. I am at the place of needing to either up pot or get these seedlings in the ground. I started some under the lights and will direct seed some in a week or two. 

I put 3 of the Brussel Sprouts out. I have 6 more. I know the moose like these, so I didn't want them all out at once. 

I planted flowers. See that greenery in the bucket? I have no clue what it IS. I could swear the seed packet said "Marigold", but they sure don't look like Marigold to me. I worried they were weeds but the seed did come from a packet. LOL 

I put sunflowers in the baptistry again. 

When everyone was helping prep the garden for me...I didn't get around to tell them which spots had things wintered over in them. The asparagus bed is gone.  I also had Thyme, Stevia and Mint I had tried to winter over. I was clearing straw at the end of one of the beds and found these little green/purple shoots that smell heavenly - MINT. 

I cleaned out the strawberry leaves and dead runners. The right-hand side was formerly our asparagus patch. I am going to let the strawberries take over this bed. For the time being I put some sunflowers in the space. 

While I worked, I considered the moose. There is so MUCH green for them to eat. I have no idea why they are fixated on my garden and seedlings. I decided I would try to create a deterrent for them....just make it a bother so they move on to something easier to eat. To that end, I piled a bunch of plastic pipe and the wagon with garden tools in front of the garden. I strung the wires around the perimeter of the garden - even though they aren't electrified. There wasn't enough wire, so I used a bungee cord to connect it all. I am hopeful it will stop any pests until Michael gets home. 

It began to rain as I came inside to get dinner for everyone. It was a good week.