Tuesday, December 02, 2014

Making Sense of the Senseless

There are some things you simply never want to write. This blog post is one of them.

If you live in San Angelo you may have seen this months ago: B140596F — S N G and Josiah M G, filed Sept. 15

Today, the ugly reality of divorce entered our immediate family. Our son's sweet bride decided in late July she was done with marriage.  After months of praying for a change of heart, trying to reconcile, digging for some other reason and believing God would work a miracle - Josiah heard a judge end his marriage this morning.  He reports God's grace is overwhelming.

When we hear so and so's wife left him, we are quick to judge. This man must have "done something," "he must be a bad man,"  "I bet he leads a secret life," will run unbidden through our minds. This isn't always the case.  If something had been done, it would have been repented of and changed.  Over the months the consistent story has been she simply decided she is not the marrying kind. We ought not to judge what we can't possibly know.

We have watched. We have learned much. We watched our son receive counseling when his bride refused to talk to him or a counselor. We watched him lay his life down for a bride who didn't value the gift of his love and life. We saw him sacrifice to make her happy, and watched his pain when he was told all he had to offer wasn't enough.  We watched him faithfully love, when that love was no longer returned. We watched him lose all he had and not really care, if it might win his bride back.

And - I saw myself. How often have I rejected God's call to come and reason with Him? How often have I under-valued the gift of God's love and life?  How often have I caused God pain when His sacrifice isn't enough to please me? How often has God faithfully loved me even while I reject Him? He gave His all  - gladly - to win back His bride.

We're all broken. Some of us realize we're broken and fall on the grace of Jesus. I have no doubt Josiah's life is not over. God is not done with him. God hates divorce. We hate divorce. Josiah hates divorce. Life doesn't end because a bride chooses to file for divorce.  God  has a plan for Josiah and He will bring that plan to pass. Only God knows how to prosper him through this time of suffering - but God does have a good plan. God is faithful. God loves Josiah.

Son, you are not a bad man. God, Himself, understands faithfully loving a bride who doesn't return that love. We are proud of the man of God you are becoming. I believe you will one day be the family man and father you dream of being. We can see nothing else you could have done. You have followed the heart of God in the way you loved S. There really was nothing more you could do once she filed for divorce.

This is not a chapter Josiah would have written. It is a chapter we've prayed none of our kids would live through. It's where we are.  We had to explain to our 9 year old that, "Yes, you can decide not to be married. Just like that."  We had to tell her to quit wasting her texting minutes as the texts would never be answered.

We love you, S.  We accepted you  into our family. You chose to leave.  I choose to continue to love and pray for you daily. I realize I will probably never know how life turns out for you - but I simply choose not to turn love off and on.

I choose to love courageously.

A few months ago God began dealing with me about my anger at the way He seemed to be choosing to answer our prayers for BreZaak and JoBy.  The bottom line is this - I've grown most as a person, developed a deeper and more authentic relationship with  God, during the hard times. Much  more than during the good times. The same will be true of my children. This testing - surrendered to God - will lead to their refining and shining as pure gold.  He is answering the desire of my heart.

If you've read this far - we affirm marriage is precious. Marriage is meant to be for life.  Treat your covenant vows as a treasure - as something to be valued and cherished. You do not want to walk through this pain.

I'm sorry this isn't the typical Christmas post. It's real. It's authentic.

Note: I deliberately have chosen not to publish S's name to protect her privacy. She has removed herself from Facebook and other online forums. I have to assume she'd rather not be found by us or our friends. 

Josiah agreed I could write "something" so those who know and love us aren't left wondering....he has posted  on his Facebook page.

Choosing Joy!
©2014 D.R.G.
~Coram Deo~
Living all of life before the face of God...


Bertha Lavell Kramlich said...

I am so sad with you all and especially your son. I could not help but cry as I read this. So thankful for prayer.

Renee Gardiner said...

I'm so sorry for your son's and family's loss. I can't imagine the pain he and y'all are feeling at this time.

Laura said...

Praying for and with you and your entire family. Your words are so well chosen. Your life a light, even in this darkness. I am so sorry that Josiah has to go through this. But you are so right that God loves Josiah and has a plan to redeem even this pain. Love and hugs to you all, my friend.

Unknown said...
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Unknown said...

Tears are flowing as I read this. I've walked in his shoes and know how painful it can be. I also know how much our momma hearts hurt when our kids hurt.
I praise God for your unconditional love for S.
I will commit to pray for your sweet boy and this whole situation.

Beth Spear said...

My heart is weeping with you. Praying for you during this time. Thank you for your honesty and openness. We have a mighty God with a mighty plan.

Laura said...

You and your family continue to be in my prayers. I am so sorry you are walking through this. You are such a shining example of Christ to all of us, De'Etta, and I have no doubt that your son is as well.

Yvonne said...

Love you all and just want you to know that your precious family is always in my prayers.

Linda said...

I have also found that God speaks most clearly to me through the hard times. Praying for you and your family as always.

Melanie McB said...

I'm so sorry your family is experiencing this, De'Etta. My heart hurts for all of you. My husband and I pray almost daily for all marriages, broken and healthy. We pray that people will fight for their marriages, will desire to have better marriages (even if their marriages seem "okay"), so that their descendents will be blessed. This is such a hard road. I pray Josiah will feel God's strong arms under him and will see God's grace. God bless you for being so real to all of us, even those of us who know each other only online (though I hope that will change someday). <3

Ginger Harrington said...

What a transparent testimony of grace in the midst of heartbreak. Your candor and faith go together to build strength for you, your family, and those who will read these words. I too, wish there was a happier ending for your family, but in the midst of it all God is still blessing your son.

Anonymous said...

This could have my husband's story almost 30 years ago when he was a very young man. He did his best to love her, treat her well, and reconcile. She would have none of it. He even moved her stuff from California to Kansas and shared financially when he didn't have to. Loved her with God's love through his pain. It has been my blessing to be married to him for 23 years and counting. What a Godly and faithful husband he is!! May Josiah FEEL God's love and healing touch on his life, and be blessed even through the difficult circumstances.

Janette said...

My husband was also married to a woman who, despite all of his work, decided to live without him. He lived through two years of her vacillating. I met him the day after his divorce was final. That was well over 30 years ago. I actually think about the woman who left him and wonder if she will ever come to see what am amazing man she left. There is a plan.