A Wonderful Saturday

Saturdays are hard, as you probably guessed from the previous post.  The day that loomed so long and dreary in my mind was beyond full of love and laughter. 

Michael left early to get our rear tires replaced. He was there all.day.long. It seems most wait until the first snow to get their snow tires changed over.  It was our bad luck to have tires go out at the same time the first storm hit. LOL We now have four new tires and are starting over with hopes for longer wear. 

While Michael was gone Brian and Alicia stopped over to buy eggs...and hug me, encourage me, and offer their presence and home as a safe place when the need arises. Alicia and I served on an International/Regional Protestant Women Of the Chapel board at the same time. We've known each other many years. 

Stacia baked a smash cake for Trudy and a number of cupcakes for next week's Family Celebration. I've ordered baby yoda toppers for one celebrant and am hoping they arrive in time...we'll also have mickey mouse and dinosaur themes. Cupcakes seemed the easiest way to go! 

Jenni came by. She brought 3 pints of ice cream from Big Dipper. That stuff is fantastic. She also brought a beautiful loaf of bread from Joelle.  We had tea, (I found my tea stone cold after everyone left - but I prepared some tea, I have serious brain fog these days), visited and Stacia and Jenni made plans for tomorrow. 

Joelle makes PRETTY bread

Millie went crazy again; it was Melany, Lorelai, and Ketziah arriving with an amazing pot of chicken and dumplings. The best part, however, was seeing THEM. They were a sight for bruised hearts. They had just pulled out when Millie sounded the alarm again and we discovered CoRielle and the boys were here. Arielle rested in the house while Cory tried to shovel a path to the back yard for the boys. I suggested the sled we haul wood and snow with as an easier mode of travel. 

A whole lot of shoveling

One thing led to another, and He took the young boys to the top of the driveway. Unless we get a hill/run built in the back yard this is the best we have to offer. 

Cory, Danny, Charles

Cory pulled the boys around our snow berm and did a loop back through the woods and along the front of the garden plot to the berm again. We had hoped to pack some trails down for Stacia to ski on. Benny asked for his skis, and he took first dibs at the newly packed path. 

They fit much better this year

Completing their loop

The girls and Jenni took turns pulling the newly minted 3-year-olds to the top of the driveway. They loved sledding down and there were always two to catch them at the bottom. 

Allie & Charles

Jenni, Charles and Stacia

At some point during all the play, Jamin showed up. He joined in the merriment. Danny's hands get VERY red and cold. He was ready to call it a day before anyone else. I set him up with a heating pad and hot chocolate. In no time we had crackers, jerky, cheese and hot chocolate on the table, cookies baking in the oven. One by one everyone came inside where we continued to share laugher and friendship. 

Jenni needed to head out. 

CoRielle and boys left. 

Jamin had plans with Nolan and Alex to watch Wheel of Time. 

We enjoyed Chicken and Dumplings and are settling in for a quiet evening. Michael and Dad are trying to watch a Duck game - but it has a box across the screen. Odd. Stacia is prepping for play practice, I think. Allie is editing a paper for college. Millie is resting after all her excitement. 

I am thankful for: 

1. Brian, Alicia, Jenni, Melany, Ketziah and Lorelai as well as Jamin, Cory, Arielle and boys for dropping in to make a long and empty Saturday a day full of love and fun. 

2. Once again, the past 6 years of doing life with our adult children in the area. 

3. God's sustaining grace. 

Wave of Grief

Up again in the middle of the night. 

Five hours of questions, tears, worship, journaling in the dark, while the rest of the house sleeps. 

This wave of grief is familiar. Miscarriages, loss of parents...we KNOW grief ebbs and flows. I've discovered, personally, it best to give myself to the movement, let God carry me until I find the footing and the ground is solid once again...between waves. It does no good to fight against the wave.  

The girls shared this song, Deep Deep Waters by American Authors. 

It comes and goes in waves

It always runs back but it's never quite the same...

When it pulls me under

Will You make me stronger?

Will You be my breath through the deep, deep water?

I woke at 3 a.m. with the soul-deep realization there will be no unexpected, drop-in, winter visits by Josiah and Livie. When fishing was over, hikes and summer projects finished...when winter struck...often while Carrie worked a Saturday shift, they'd show up out here. How we love those memories now. Amazed to see again when the mind isn't focused the spirit and soul still remember. 

I'm reminded again and again to cherish; not cling. 

Yes, I wrote about this years ago...in another season of transition from a location we loved (San Angelo, TX) to one we came to love as well (Japan). This happened as we cherished the past but clung to God and each other in a new location. How odd to google titles and a blog title and there are my words...waiting to preach to my soul this morning.  

"In Susan Miller's book, After the Boxes are Unpacked, she states,

"To cherish means to hold in the mind, to treasure, to hold dear, to value

highly. To cling means to clutch, to cleave, to hold on to, to grab hold of." page 21"

This reminds me of our decision to hold family, friends, ministry in an open hand rather than grasping to keep what He has so generously given.  We are working to move from the gut-wrenching, "NO," on Oct 23rd to a shaky, "yes," once again. 

And so, in the midst of this wave of grief, the questions, the hurt, the anger, the denial, the deep sadness, the desperate bargaining (Yes, others are cycling through the stages, I seem to be swirling them all up at once) I remember to cherish the sweet past.

Hallelujah = Praise God.  Hallelujah EVEN HERE

Right now I feel a little overwhelmed

Right now I could really use some help

Right now I don't feel like it is well with my soul

I've tried to find a way around the mess

I've prayed in faith that the night would end

Right here when I just can't understand

I'll lift my hands

Hallelujah, when the storm is relentless

Hallelujah, when the battle is endless

In the middle of the in between

In the middle of the questioning

Over every worry, every fear

Hallelujah, even here

Hallelujah, even here....

I know the night won't last

Your word will come to pass

My heart will sing Your praise again

Jesus You're still enough

Keep me within Your love

My heart will sing Your praise again 

Your promise still stands

Great is Your faithfulness, faithfulness

I'm still in Your hands

this is my confidence, You never failed me yet

Five hours of worship and I may be ready to face this Saturday.

I may be people ready.