It's an annual civil memorial ceremony for victims of violence/homicide in Alaska sponsored by Victims for Justice. I've been asked if its meaningful or worthwhile to attend. The answer is nuanced. The ceremony doesn't offer any of the comfort or hope I find from my faith in Jesus. It can feel pretty bleak and stark. It begins with a land acknowledgment, it moves on to a reading of victim's names, and there is a brief time for those who didn't get names submitted to stand and recite their loved one's names...most share a bit about their lost loved ones. There are a few words about memories continuing and strength in community....but it's all pretty bleak. Still, I go.
I was thinking how I could offer comfort or hope without the mention of faith in this setting. The answer - it's simply presence. Showing up. It says to the community, my son mattered, I still remember him, we are still standing. It says to others in fresh pain that I know some of your pain. I and others are committed to justice and reform in the system. You will make it through this first year.
I was thinking these thoughts as Stacia, Melia and I drove into Anchorage for the Victims for Justice memorial ceremony.
"He's still here."
That simple thought was in my mind and heart as we drove up. Yes, Josiah is in heaven. But his name is still etched on that memorial, three years and he isn't going to drive up to our house, open the door and yell out, "Hey, y'all!" He's still gone. It's forever this side of eternity. My heart is just starting to understand forever.
Someone asked me if I needed a booklet to locate my loved one. My thoughts were elsewhere and I responded, "He hasn't moved." To which Stacia responded so only I heard, "I think that's set in stone." The hard and the good. The sad and the joy. The somber and the humor. There is no one way to respond in grief.
The girls and I first met up with Jared. One looks around and notices violence impacts all.
The first year we all came. We were a big group. It was fresh and raw and so very painful. We were still awaiting a trial and any sort of justice. Carrie attended with Liv (11) and Josi was only 5 months old.
The second year fewer came. Schedules conflicted for some it was painful, some in our family absolutely hate going into Anchorage since the murder. Some see no purpose or meaning in attending. We were fresh out of sentencing for Josiah's murderer. The therapy dog and his handler were familiar friends. The permanency of our loss was beginning to settle.
This year the girls, Jared, Carrie and girls and Larissa and Noah attended. Yes, it's the same every year...and yet that, in itself, is meaningful. The years go on - without Josiah. It marks time. It matters for their names to be remembered and spoke. It is meaningful to be with a group suffering the same pain. We remember and that is meaningful. We are not the only ones touched by violence, it continues. Collectively, we remember.
A father shared it's been 14 years - and he still remembers. His grief allowed me to rest in the pace of my grief journey.
This year the girls are 13 and 2 1/2. This annual picture illustrates the impact of violence. Two girls without their father's daily guidance and investment in their lives, a young widow instead of a young wife. He's still gone. They're still standing. God has been so near and faithful - but it hurts every day.
I always feel for Jared in these places of private grief as he is recognized many places we go. Some have positive to share, many are negative. Jared had a constituent coffee this Saturday (as he does most Saturdays) and still had on his assemblyman gear. I said a quick prayer that anyone who disagreed with him would simply allow grace for this moment. He attends as a grieving brother, not as a public official. I attend to be by his side.
This year a mother got up and shared her son's name. Diego Joe - I knew his name. His is the name directly beneath Josiah's name. He was murdered 8 months after Josiah. His family is still awaiting trial.
I searched Wendy out after the ceremony. She knew who I was immediately - not sure how. We have communicated online and we continue to pray for justice for Diego and his family. We hugged and cried. I offered no wise words of hope or comfort, I hugged her. Two mothers grieving the murder of their sons. A 4 yo son and a 2 1/2 yo daughter without the daily presence of their fathers...families still here, still missing the one violently taken from our midst. She blessed my heart when she thanked Jared for fighting for the community on the assembly.
Yes, I do find it meaningful and worthwhile to attend. Not only for myself, but for any comfort or connection I may be able to offer another on this grueling journey. If you'd like to visit the Homicide Memorial it is located in Anchorage at the Hostetler Park, 335 L St.
After the ceremony Larissa and Carrie took kids off to nap. Jared asked about catching lunch with the girls and me. We settled on a new to us place - Palmeira's - tropical fusion. This is a great spot to catch lunch. We loved it. It's around the corner from Hope Center where Jared volunteers weekly. I would like to find a place like Hope Center in the valley. I wonder how one would raise the money to start something similar. It's an amazing organization and is all privately funded.
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| Via google photos |
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| FUN lighting - via google photos |
This food was yummy and the portions were huge! I highly recommend trying it if you're in town at lunch.
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| Stacia's Cup of Clam Chowder |
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| Melia's French Toast |
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| My gigantic salad |
We drove back home. Arielle and the kids stopped by to play in the yard and collect eggs. We had a good inside visit while the kids romped around in the yard.
Mike and I introduced Melia to the movie Mr. Magoo. She laughed appropriately.
Stacia and Allie came home and we regrouped.
Most of the photos of the ceremony were taken by Larissa. She is always great at catching events.
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