We Are Sad - but so GRATEFUL

 Yes, we have been very busy...something outside of the home every day last week and this week....but mostly, I think I've been silent because I'm processing. I tend to go quiet.

I miss Josiah - a lot. 

Is it because Krista and Allie went back home or Jamin moved? Maybe. 

Josi & Noah waiting for the party to start 📷by Larissa

I think it's more. February is BIRTHDAY month in our family. We have birthdays on the 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th, 14th (anniversaries) and 20th. Josiah's birthday was Feb 9th....and both Josi and Liv have birthdays this month.  We loved attending Josi and Noah's birthday party last week...and yet emotions struck us harder than we expected. I could SEE Josiah with his arm around Liv giving her advice and direction. Except he isn't here any longer. As Josi and Noah reacted to their cakes and parents hovered around...I could SEE how much fun Josiah would be having celebrating his daughter's 2nd birthday, but he never met his daughter. His laughter rang in my memory, but I missed hearing it THAT night.  I remembered how excited he was to raise the girls with their cousins - specifically Josi with Noah and the baby girl Arielle was expecting...It is great joy to see all the cousins. 

This is also the week a year ago where we watched jury selection, heard evidence presented, heard details of Josiah's last minutes, saw pictures of a crime scene, saw autopsy photos and then heard a jury return an amazing verdict of guilty on all counts. 

The heart remembers even when the mind is busy with other pursuits.  

Year's past, as we'd stepped back from all our activities, we were able to sit in the emotions. Now, we feel the emotions, and we are looking for space to express them, but we are more involved in the activities of life. This is what activity has been like for most of our family the last few years... I am thankful we are stronger this year and are able to "carry on" with the emotions just under the surface (leaking out our eyes occasionally) ...I am also aware of needing to find space for a bit more of grief to be expressed. 

Monday Melia and I watched Josi while Carrie went to work. We visited with Livie after school. Michael came over to fix a stair railing for Carrie. He was using Josiah's tools to fix a railing in Josiah's house that Josiah would have taken care of if he'd been around....and it was hard, sad, and yet joyous to be able to support Carrie in a practical way.  It's all mixed up in our hearts. 

He went on to FORGED - a monthly men's meeting. He sat alone in the back and struggled with his emotions. He, like me, is also missing Josiah so very much.  One of the young men, Tyler, turned around and talked to Michael. He had been Josiah and Carrie's neighbor but has since moved. We met him while fixing a joint fence and carrying things in and out of the house as Carrie organized things in those early days of loss.  He recognized Michael. Later they were to break into groups to share and pray for one another. Michael shared he was having a hard time just missing Josiah that evening.  Tyler said he'd been wanting to share this with Carrie and us. The first time he attended ACF was for Josiah's celebration of life. He and his wife, Carissa, began attending ACF. They got saved. They made some big changes, and he names Josiah's life and death as the cause of him stepping into church that first time. That's worth celebrating!!!!  Josiah would be so very honored and excited to hear this...as are we. 

Isn't that great that Michael "happened" to be sitting behind Tyler and "happened" to be having a hard day which prompted Tyler to share not just his memory of Josiah (which he's done in the past) but his salvation story?

 God is good - even when life is very hard.  He is so gracious, merciful and kind to gift us with a story of how Josiah's life impacted another and will have continued legacy when we are missing him so very much. 

Having shared the above, I'll be able to share about all the events of this week and not have to write every time "we were sad while being happy", or just share the happy and feel like I'm not being "real and authentic" because you'll understand that evidently, the first couple weeks of February have the possibility of being grief awakening weeks...at least this year.

 

Our Weather is Back!

We had a lot of snow after Christmas, then we had a week with temps in the high 30's, and everything melted. We've had an ICE RINK in our driveway since then.

Today we woke up to snow...a lot of beautiful, fresh snow.  It's lovely - and it COVERS the ice!!!!!

8 in this a.m. and another 1 throughout the day

Stacia couldn't get out of the drive this a.m. She was able to join her class online while Michael worked to shovel a path out for her. He then moved the cars up to the fenceline so Shawn could come shovel out the whole mess with his truck. 

Meanwhile I shoveled off the deck....with a bit of help from a friend. LOL 

 Yep, my main goal is to make sure we can access the hot tub. LOL 

Anchorage and Eagle River had more snow than we did. They even had part of the highway into town closed. No school for their district. We were going to go into the church for a meeting but opted for staying home and having the meeting via google meeting. LOL 

Michael and I drove into town to return some coffee stuff from Sunday night and to pick up groceries. I was happy to have a driver. LOL 

Melia made dinner.  We're watching Tokyo Drift. We have a full day tomorrow and they're predicting another 6 - 12 inches overnight. 

Jamin picked a good time to fly to Miami. I'm not sure he would have made it if he waited another day. LOL 

He's Up, Up and Away

Jared and Jamin called and wanted to stop by. We appreciated the last visit before Jared took Jamin to the airport. 

This has been a lovely season having us all in the same location. Jamin never planned on staying as long as he did and we are so very thankful he DID stay here the fall of 2015.  It was a blessed season, and we know adult children chase their own dreams....

While we are happy Jamin is chasing his dream and we would never hold him back, we are sad that this truly does bring this blessed season of us all being so close to an end. Josiah is gone this side of eternity, Krista and Jamin are both gone for a good many years - at least as far as we can tell. What a blessing it has been for our younger ones to have these years in the same location as our older children. Jamin promises to visit...so while this is not debilitating grief it surely is a type of grief. 

After the boys left we introduced Melia to Farkle. Stacia walked away with the win. 

An Exciting Sunday

Sundays are always busy; this one was especially busy. 

Stacia joined the three of us to go to church at ACF this morning as it is Jamin's last Sunday in Alaska.  We went to a favorite Asian restaurant. It was great to see Carrie and the girls this morning, back from their month long in the sun. Carrie joined us for lunch.  At some point Jamin mentioned he was meeting Bre and kids at Big Dippers for ice cream at 4. It turns out CoRielle and kids, Bre and kids, Nolan, Alex, Stacia, Melia and Michael and I were all there. 

Before we could head home to the valley, Stacia and Michael went to get a couch from Jamin's. It will live in Stacia's living room. Melia and I went to Chugiak and picked up a few items of hers from a friend.  We had 20 minutes at home before we had to leave. I washed up 4 dozen eggs, and we headed out the door. 

I realized I had a lot planned at the 4:00 - 4:30 p.m. time slot. I dropped Melia off at the ice cream parlor and I went to pick up coffee at Lekkers, Kombucha at 203 Kombucha, and tea sandwiches and cheesecake bites at Sweet Gypsy's. A friend picked up 7 dozen cookies from Sophia's. NO, we weren't suffering from the munchies. I had agreed to help set up snacks for ACF's first vision night for a new campus out here. I picked everything up and got back to visit for 10 minutes in the ice cream parlor. So many farewells and tomorrow Jamin will fly out and begin his Florida adventure. 

Some of the family 

More family 

Next in our busy day was ACF's first Vision Night as we plan for the launch of a campus here in the Valley. 

We didn't have a clear idea of how many would attend. We planned for 100.  It was exciting to see this part of the vision...and people showed up...but more importantly God showed up. We worshipped and discussed the vision to amplify grace to the churched, the unchurched and the dechurched...to be a community for sojourners...to see it be "In Alaska as it is in heaven." 

We are right side, 3rd row back on the aisle

 

We broke to write the names of our "one mores" on the walls in the building. It was meaningful to see how many people we all bring in our hearts, hoping to provide a community for each.  It was exciting to see so MANY names so quickly gathered...people each of us are praying for. 

We reassembled for more worship and a discussion of the next steps. It was a sweet time. 120 people came to worship, watch and wait for a vision of how God will use us in the valley. It does remind me of another group of 120 waiting and watching in Acts 1. 

On a side note, there was much coffee left and the line for kombucha was long. I've found my people. ::Snort:: 

Turning 62

I had a very full birthday today! 

I woke up and went with Stacia to take her car to the mechanic. On the way home she bought me a birthday bevvy. 

I was just finishing the first drink when door dash arrived with a Bevvy all the way from VA. Thank you, Allie. 

I went into the day fully caffeinated! I met over at Cory and Arielle's and Arielle, Benny and Danny and I headed to watch Aladdin Jr. All the actors were 6 - 18 years old and they all did a great job! Thanks for the birthday play, CoRielle. 

Back at home, Michael was up but not feeling well at all. The girls and I headed into town to pick up Stacia's car and grab dinner at  a local restaurant.  

We decided to go home and spend some time in the hot tub. The sky cooperated and we had a lovely clear night of stars to enjoy while we talked and soaked. 

Krista video called from Okinawa. Our rather boisterous conversation alarmed several who passed by her car. It was a great day all the way around. 

My favorite active-duty chaplain 

I find myself having turned 62. I remember being so excited when I turned a respectable 30 years old. ::snort:: I am taking a page from a dear high-school friend who counted 60 ACTS last year to celebrate her 60th year. ACTS defined as:  Adventures, Connections and Travels. I started counting last year and lost track - which I decided is perfectly fine. The intentionality to be present and to fully live life is more important than the tracking of it...and so I am going to be intentional about choosing adventures, connections and travels this year. 

Friday with Bachan and Melia

This day ran like CLOCKWORK - and it's good it did. I got up on time, continued my progress through the book of Exodus, hit the treadmill, then the shower. Melia got up and started to work on school. I raced across town to Dad's. I met Jamin there and we had a nice visit with Dad. Jamin will be leaving on Monday. 

I had just enough time at the conclusion of our visit to make it across town, stop at the library, pick up a pizza, and check Melia's school work before Arielle showed up.  

Michael and I have been spending a few hours every Friday afternoon with the kids so Cory and Arielle can have some hours to "think, decompress, date, hike, whatever."  This week I suggested I keep them, feed them dinner and take them to movie night at WCC. 

The visit began with "tea" (hot chocolate) and a quick snack. They headed outside for a bit of winter fun.  Charles stayed inside as he said his tummy was feeling funny.  

Benny and Danny

Benny jumping from the swing

Exploring

I brought up Outfoxed and we tried to figure it out. I think we lost some of the finer points of the game, but the four of us played it for over an hour and had a great time. At this point Melia came upstairs and they played Taco, Goat, Cheese, Cat (or whatever that game is called) while I pulled together a dinner of carrots, pizza and Annie's White Shells. 

We made it to movie night in good time. Tonight's movie was Cars - complete with all the free popcorn we could eat and a selection of CARS to bring home. 

We got home to discover some birthday flowers for me. Stacia is home. Michael is developing new symptoms. He's stayed in his room, so no one has been exposed to him. 

AND IT'S THE WEEKEND! NO SCHOOL TOMORROW!!!!! 

Where's the Sun?

 We were just finishing school when Arielle called and asked if she could bring the kids over to play in our backyard. Most of the toys are packed away over winter...but it's still a pretty fun spot. 

Well, the boys think it's fun. This gal is wondering where here pretty sandals and the sun went! ::Snort:: I went out for about 30 minutes and then suggested snacks and hot chocolate IN THE HOUSE. LOL 

Michael is still down but Melia and I went to life group. We had a yummy taco bar and discussed temptation and Bible translations and a few theology disagreements with the podcast we are listening to. 

We got back home as Stacia was finishing her evening homework.