Courageous Joy

A Mother's Love

One of our daughter's friends left a comment on my my space blog. Part of it went something to the effect of "thank you for showing me what a mother's love for her children looks like. You'll never know how much that has meant."

I cried.

As I prayed for this dear girl (who is 22) and thought about it early this a.m. I realized that so many children/young adults are in this same boat. My generation of women and the generation before mine were focused on "equality" and "fulfillment". Everywhere we look, from Christian authors to secular talk show gurus, we are reminded to "take care of YOUR needs" sometimes with "too" added on.... I've thought for a long time that children were getting lost in women's search for fulfillment.

Unfortunately, this has happened in the church among Christian families as well. This is NOT an entry about women working...because I've seen many stay at home mom's that are as guilty of neglecting their children as working moms. Shame on us for pointing fingers at each other rather than focusing on the path God has called us too and supporting each other. This is simply some thoughts...meant to be encouraging...hang with me here. :::Snort:::

Scriptures clearly tell us to look out for the interests of others (certainly our children would be included in "others"). The verses that continue to speak to me the most about this are Phil 2: 1-11. We are to "do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interest of others."

I've been surprised when I teach these verses how often they've been taught in Christians circles to justify that we ARE to take care of OURSELVES. Folks bring out verse 4 and say that this proves that we ARE to look out for ourselves FIRST and then for others. Well....yes...it assumes we will be looking out for our needs. If you check the context of these verses you quickly discover that the MAIN point Paul is making is not that Mommies need to go out for Ladies Night Out. {bg} I realize that there are many wounded individuals in our midst who need to be told it is OK to care for themselves...but most of us instinctively do take care of our basic needs...and quite a few other needs that aren't so basic. I don't believe I'm the only selfish person in Christendom...in fact....I'm sure I'm not. We're all HUMAN.

The very next verse (Phil 2:5) to "have the attitude that was also in Christ Jesus" and the next 6 verses describe that attitude. In other words laying down our lives for others, humble, not grasping for equality....

Paul begins by telling us to regard one another as more important than ourselves....has a quick blurb about not merely meeting our own needs...and concludes by saying have the attitude of Christ....and WE pull out of their justification to pursue our selfish desires. {sigh}

Meanwhile two generations of children have been raised without anyone considering their needs FIRST. Many of these children have NEVER experienced unconditional or unselfish love. Many were born to be trophies for Mom and Dad. These children have had children....or will in the next few years. I fear for the generation after my children's generation.....because I see so many wounded in my children's generation.

Ladies, it is time for US to step up and be the Titus 2 older women; mentoring, nurturing and illustrating godly love to these young women and children. I often hear from women my age (40's and 30's) that "no one has EVER mentored me". Guess what? I've said it. I've longed for someone older to mentor me in mothering and in being a wife...but at this point it's time for ME (and others like me) to quit selfishly bemoaning that we've never had a mentor, and begin to impact the lives of those who are younger than us and have not only not had a mentor but not experienced a mother's love as God intended for it to be. God has been faithful to mentor me through His living Word. I've found all the encouragement, direction and support I've needed in the Word. I'm sure at some point God is bringing a mentor into my life. {G} I've been so impressed by my friend Chris. For years she and her husband served as a host family for many Master's Commission students. She showed many of those young adults the first "mother love" they'd experienced.

I'm certainly not advocating that we all go out and focus on other's children to the neglect of our own. I'm saying that we need to be aware. We need to pray for those wounded youth that God brings our way. We need to build relationships with 20, 30 year old women who are young moms and have no idea what God would require of a mother. We need to reach out to that obnoxious young mom who grates on our nerves (you know who I mean - most of you have a picture of one such woman). We need to care. We need to ask God if that person is in our life because WE have some role to play in her healing and wholeness. OUCH...

There are seasons in our lives. It would not serve us well to neglect our children to minister to others...but in the dailiness of sacrificially loving your children, caring for them, looking out for them...you have no idea how many will be impacted. How many other moms are watching you? How many young moms are watching how you mother? How many of your children's friends are saying "wow - that's what a Christian family can be like"? We ARE called to be salt and light. We are to impact our society and there are at least two generations of adults/children that need us to impact them with love. This begins as we begin to impact our CHILDREN by loving them as GOD loves us.

Obviously, none of us are perfect. I am NOT a perfect Mom. In mothering my children, however, God has ministered to others. I've had several tell me or my children that our family is the ONLY family they know where mom, dad and their children all live in one home. As you fulfill your call to mother...watch out for those friends of your children that God brings your way...simply by mothering your children and loving their friend....you may make a huge impact on society. It's as simple as walking in obedience to the Word....or as Paul says "living by the Spirit". None of us are STUCK at home...God desires us to minister to our families and to minister to others through our families.

I am passionate about women and about women finding healing from life's hurts at the feet of Jesus. Because I have. I have not had to walk through the issues that many of our youth are walking through. There have been times when this passion has led me to be WAY over committed outside the home in women's ministry and mentoring relationships (as in Alaska, Darshia). God lovingly pulls me back each time. The best way for ME to minister to the hurts of women is to keep my life in balance. My primary focus is my young ones....He brings others around for me to touch. As simply as a young adults friend watching and seeing what a Godly Mom could be like and desiring that for her life and even beginning to receive healing as she realizes that what she has was not what God meant for her to have. It's NOT all her fault.

We don't have to go search for ministry. We simply need to be faithful right where God has placed us. Ministry is sure to find us! BTW don't expect ministry to LOOK a certain way....I guess cleaning those fingerprints off the wall is ministry, making that menu, taking the walk to the park, ah....meeting a young mom at the park and simply letting her observe how you parent......teaching a study, taking a young lady to lunch, sending a carepackage to your daughter and including something for her friend who never hears from home....

What we are doing as Christian mothers matters so much! Let's excel at it. I even give you permission to OVERACHIEVE! In the process...let's keep our hearts humble and not worry about judging others who are also trying their best to mother and wife...have you ever realized that mother can be a noun or verb...but wife...well what would be the verb for that...wifing....hmmm...thoughts to ponder.