Another Powerless Evening

 We didn't make the drive into Eagle River for church today. We visited CoRielle's church. Sure enough - we lost power again - but we are so prepped for it now! Sunday night games and ice cream in the glow of the flashlights. 

Changing Plans

Our plan had been to visit vendors, watch a parade and enjoy Colony Christmas. HOWEVER, it has been cold and windy, and we didn't feel like being outside. We changed our plans.  

Everyone moved to our home where we created a little gingerbread village (remember that missing village set up), made and decorated cookies, had hot chocolate and visited inside instead. 

Danny & Allie

Jojo (Josiah)

Annie

Playing games with the boys - not this day but the
photo is on this day? 

Noah and Jared came by and joined the fun! 

Noah

Jared questions Noah's decorating decisions

The day turned out to be great fun even though we didn't do what we had planned on doing. 

FRIDAY VISITS

 Michael previously had a cardiac procedure. Today he had a wound check. We were SHOCKED to find out he had been doing the whole "no lifting over 5 lbs., no pushing or pulling thing," WRONG. This was a bit discouraging as he had been hoping to be back to full lifting etc. today. He had begun lifting with his left arm instead of his right....but they want NONE for a bit longer. 

ALLIE IS STILL HOME ... and several stopped by to visit...several more will drop by tomorrow. I caught these people on film.

Playing Headbandz in Stacia's space

Noah plays bean bag toss

Annie and Bre put together this puzzle

Gideon and I put this together

We cannot find my Christmas village. I purchased a train to go around it...so we are in the process of building some sort of town. It started with a trailer, a water tower and some trees.  Michael and I thought we would paint a village, but our local Art Cafe did not have the pieces. I did pick up a couple of buildings on clearance later on in the season. 

Annie

Gideon 

Noah and Trudy

Nolan

Stacia had to work today but was able to enjoy some of the fun. Bre and kids, CoRielle, Noah and Jared and Jamin all dropped by. We had something for dinner and then played games and visited. 

Allie is Home!

 The day was full. Michael had two appointments (Orthopedic and Chiropractic), and I had to take Dad for an eye appointment as well. Life group was tonight...but the highlight, by far, of the day has been picking Allie up at the airport! 

We planned, re-planned, and finally the day was here! Allie is home from college. Of course, it wouldn't be Alaskan travel if one didn't fly in around midnight. ::Snort:: 

We arrived early and checked the arrival board about a million times before her flight finally landed. Next time we plan to make fun signs! 

Ah, life is sweet! 

One more shot - and then I just put the camera aside and enjoyed the moment! 

How we've missed Allie! We all knew when she was ready to fly the nest or coop as it may be. It has been so FUN to watch her flight. She is thriving in Virginia. YES, there are things she dislikes about Liberty. All in all, she LOVES what she is doing, and is very good at it, too. It's fun to watch her developing new skills and finding her community of creatives. She did swimmingly well in all her courses last semester: Cinema Legal Environment, Story Analysis, Producing and Direction and Production: Editing. Her college grade point average is 3.87. 

We are thrilled she has a nice long vacation before she begins her next semester. She will be taking Cinema Aesthetics, Narrative Writing, Intro to Motion Pictures: Directing, and she will be part of creating a feature length film. Two of her classes will revolve around the creation of the feature film; Feature: pre-production and Feature: production. 

Here are some random photos of Allie living her best life which I haven't shared because I've not been blogging. ::snort:: 

Visits - Surprised and Planned

 Jared, Larissa and Noah stopped by this afternoon. We had a fun visit. At one point Noah and I went to the toy closet. I was surprised when he found a tote with racetracks and cars. I'd forgotten Arielle had brought them over. We had so much fun I now am on the lookout for a bigger set for the grands to enjoy during the long winter visits. 

There was also this garage like box that shoots cars out of it. 

A little bit of friendly rivalry....

Nolan and Jamin arrived later to watch "The Age of Ultron" the next movie in our Marvel marathon.

Surprised or planned visits from the adult Gherkins and grands are the best. 

What I Learned at My Sleep Study

Grief has been a rather persistent companion since October 2023. The intense emotions come and go...however there is a constant ache and longing Michael, and I, have for our son.  We miss him, deeply. We are lonely for his smile, his laugh, his opinion. We have learned how to hold space for joy and sorrow at the same time...God is faithful and good in all seasons. 

I think fall will always be hard as our minds go to other fall memories and that one horrible fall where we sat looking at cheerful decorations in shock, trying to comprehend the unthinkable. Who goes to work and gets murdered? Fall signals the anniversary we never imagined we'd have to mark. 

I think going through the sentencing process broke my heart a bit deeper, and I didn't think it could be broken deeper. Nine of us shared how we'd been impacted by Josiah's murder. We listened to the murderer's father, sister and mother, his girlfriend and mother of his young son...it is all so very tragic. The story could have been changed at so many intersections - and yet it wasn't changed. We have forgiven this man and his mother...our son is still missing.  We ache for Josiah's presence. His family aches for him.  It's just so very sad. 

I am looking for joy in the season. I am. But sometimes it's a huge fight to even lift my eyes from the ache to see the joy...

Meanwhile, I've been having a increasing health symptoms and the doc talked to me about needing to deal with the issues. I am on a strict eating program meant to deal with ultra processed food addiction (and hopefully help with diabetes and high blood pressure). I made it in for the mammogram I'd neglected since life blew up, I sent in the Cologuard box, AND I went in for a sleep study. I still need to get a wisdom tooth pulled and my eyes checked.... checking through the list. 

When I showed up for the sleep study the tech asked why I was there. My brain quickly sorted through sarcastic options for an answer but in the end, I settled on telling him Michael and Julie (a sister friend) both said I scare them and quit breathing when I sleep. snort:: The doctor wanted to rule out sleep apnea. He asked what I thought about their observations. I told him *I* don't hear myself snoring but I do wake up a few times a night with a gasp. He said I probably do snore, and my brain will cause me to take a deep breath which is what causes the gasp...and I will breathe again. I figured - nothing to be alarmed about. ::wink::

My word! Right! 

"Just lay back and go to sleep and I'll watch you," he said.

 Well, that is plain creepy. He took away all electronics and my book and told me to just go to sleep (after I'd been reading 90 minutes). 

For the past year I've been sleeping with headphones on, and I listen to things on my tablet...and I fall asleep and when I wake up, I click start and listen until I fall asleep again. Don't judge me. 😏

I wondered why I did this. I KNOW it's not ideal. In year's past I was KNOWN for being able to fall right to sleep and to sleep through ANYTHING except a baby's cry.  I laid there, relaxed and let my brain be at rest...and it went right to Josiah. Some fun memories and then the stabbing sense of loss. Suddenly I KNEW why I had gotten into the habit of constant noise....to drown out the voice of grief. I couldn't drown out the voice with electronics this evening. I prayed, I sang worship songs, I quoted verses, and I tried to sleep. 

Somewhere during the night, I realized this is another way I am still trying to leapfrog over the valley rather than going through that deep dark valley of death (Ps 23). I suspect I'm going to have to make friends with grief because she isn't leaving me alone as much as I'd like her too. I'm simply going to have to make peace with her presence. Ps 23 has given me comfort that God is with me in the deep darkness and that He will set boundaries with his rod and staff. 

A year and a half ago or go, I had been reading "Practicing the Way" and listening to John Mark Comer's podcasts....he shares how we create pathways in our brains through our thoughts...and our brain will go to these places when it is at rest. Before the advent of the tablet/headphones I had been consciously praying and reciting scripture at bedtime, preaching the gospel to myself while at rest...making pathways in my brain so it would go to God when it was at rest.... Years earlier I read for dementia patients they remember what they've rehearsed most often...so I share the gospel with myself daily. But at some point, when my brain was at rest it began to rush to grief and not God and that is simply not comfortable.  I don't like emotions; I don't like randomly tearing up and so I have started avoiding a brain at rest. I'm not commenting on if this is good or bad, if there is a place to avoid grief until you are ready to deal with it etc....I'm just sharing what I learned at my sleep study. I know why I've changed how I get to sleep....I  also have a bit more insight into the screen habits of others. 😂 

Back at the sleep study the tech came in and WOKE ME UP! What in the ever-loving Sam Hill?

He evidently wasn't as confident my brain would motivate a breath as he'd sounded before the test began. He rushed in asking, "De'Etta are you all right?" Which woke.me.up. 

He told me he was getting a lot of great data, he needed me to sleep another 2 hours, and I definitely have sleep disorders to deal with. Since I HAD been sleeping, I was a bit frustrated at him for waking me up and had to start the whole process of getting to sleep again. 

He shared a prolonged lack of oxygen like I've evidently been experiencing can lead to (Are you ready?) high blood pressure, stroke, heart problems and dementia. Well - there you have it. This may be the key we've been working towards finding. 

Oh, I also discovered I am the Tech's Mother in Law's doppelganger - except her Texan accent is stronger than mine because she still lives in Texas. Who knew? I have a Texan accent. We did live there 7 years. 

I drove home at 0500. I have spent the day filling my brain with worship music. I've also sat quietly for 30 minutes and let my brain travel where it wanted to go, and I cried. And the world didn't end because I cried.  

I've done a boatload of baking. There is a pregnant mom who needs some meals, and I thought I'd make some goodies she can put in the freezer for snacky things.  

Stacia has invited the student body of Alaska Bible College over for a bonfire. S'more fixings are ready, rain is in the forecast, so I made some munchies in case they all end up inside playing games instead. She suggested they could make s'mores over my gas stove burners. I suppose?

For all the hunters who are not finding moose this year - there were three in our yard today! Save the money outfitting for the hunt - just plant a garden. I'm looking for partners to make this a community garden. 😉May have your produce eaten but it's great moose bait.

Two small ones

 He is big! 

The moose ran back into the woods. It reminded me of the day we were all playing Frisbee Golf. We had a net far into the woods....Josiah headed back to get his Frisbee and came back out with stories of a very newborn baby moose and it's mama. We diverted the course. LOL 

A Day of Appointments

This is a day of appointments. I started the medley by driving to Wasilla to enjoy tea and a couple of hours of getting to know a new friend from Bible Study, Denise. 

Michael got up half an hour after I left and headed to Anchorage where he saw an oral surgeon. It turns out it will take about 8 months for them to fix the tooth the VA finally approved having fixed. It will be pretty intensive and it's EXPENSIVE but in the end he will have an implant to replace the one that was that pulled a year+ ago. 

When Denise and I said goodbye I headed to visit Dad. I haven't made it over this week as he's busy going here and there and I am busy trying to get ready for....winter. The ladies at the home advocated for me to take Dad for ice cream. I had another cuppa tea. 

Little Millers knows that Dad needs a cup with his cone now. 😏  I feel STRONG having avoided pastries at Crema and ice cream at Little Millers. I'm back on the sugar-free, flour-free wagon after a short slide last Friday. 😬 I talked Dad into a bit of a walk after his ice cream. 

They have a bit of termination dust at the top of their mountain too. I love how the talk everywhere is about when it will snow. I love snow. If only it could stay fall with a bit of snow. ::snort:: 

Meanwhile, Michael drove back to the valley for his second and third appointment of the day. He saw the chiropractor and the massage therapist.

I came home to a quiet home and soaked in the solitude. 

My third appointment will begin in a couple of hours - I'm having a sleep study done. I'm wondering if I WILL fall asleep at all if I can't watch an episode of a homesteading channel.