Choosing Joy in Seasons of Discontent
Warning - if you've got me on the pedastal, I'm about to be vulnerable again. ::snort::
I'm currently enjoying a Beth Moore Study on my own. At this point it's been an overview of the book of Galatians. Today I focused on God being my Abba Father. Daddy - MY DADDY.
Yesterday a simple question was asked. It would be a good question for us to ask ourselves periodically. "What, today, is hindering that free flow of fellowship?" First, I thought - NOTHING. I've been enjoying a season of sweet comfort and refreshing during my trysts with the Lord.
As I prayed about it the word "contentment" dropped into my spirit. "But Father - I am content. I AM. I love where you have us." The word refused to budge.
I realize that I've been discontent with the season we are in. I'm discontent with our older children growing up and leaving home while no new little ones are entering our family. In our 24 years of marriage I've been pregnant about every 9 - 12 months (I've miscarried often). Since I lost the babies over a year ago I have not gotten pregnant. This is rather alarming. Could it be that I'm entering a season where the arrival of children cannot be taken for granted? Honestly, the whole point of being Quiverful is that God is sovereign in this area. Who guaranteed me a pregnancy on a predictable schedule? ::snort::
I've struggled with this. I love our children. I am intellectually content with all that God has given us. I'm willing to leave it up to him. But my heart and arms scream for more babies. I couldn't tell you why. I'm shocked at myself, really. There have been glimpses in the last months where I've thought, "I could do such and such if I wasn't worrying about early or late pregnancies" (both seasons that cause me trouble).
It's good for children to grow up and fly on their own.
The bottom line is that I've not been consistenly choosing joy in this season. It ISN'T easy when children grow up and leave home. It isn't easy to be done having children....but if that IS the season that God has me in then I need to surrender in the season. I am learning to trust God with this season as much as I have trusted him with earlier seasons. Daddy wants my best. He's worthy of my trust. He is God. I am not.
I'm glad that question was asked in the study. I honestly didn't think anything was hindering my fellowship with the Lord....but yes...I've chosen discontent. I'm going to start looking for the good in this season.....Today it is very exciting for all the youngers to help Cy move into his apartment. ::snort::
What about you? Is there anything hindering the free flow of fellowship in your life? You know what to do if there is, right?