Sunday, March 31, 2013

My Sugary Idol

Sin is ugly and hopeless and for that reason I desperately need the crucifixion and the resurrection. I nailed him on the cross.  I don't want to admit it. I don't want my sin to nail him there. But I did. 

This was brought home to me Friday. I was frustrated. I knew I shouldn't speak...and that was right. I knew I should come home and hit my knees. Deep down I knew God would show me MY sin and I wanted to revel in HIS sin...just a bit longer. On GOOD FRIDAY no less. 

wader via photopin cc
 I knew I shouldn't buy the bag of Poppycock...but I chose to run to the bag of sugary goodness rather than the God of the universe. I deliberately went back to the aisle where it sits - AFTER having resisted through the whole shopping trip. I selected the biggest bag, paid for it, and ripped it open as soon as I shut the car door (and the kids were thrilled I bought it - they didn't know). I did. I chose not to deal with my angry feelings, my sin; I chose to run from the Holy Spirit into the arms of food.

 I suppose in the scheme of things this doesn't seem like much to most who will read this. But God has told me to follow him to freedom from food addiction, from out of control binges....and I CHOSE to run to a mini-binge instead of the arms of Jesus. Because in the history of binges this is small...but in the motivation of my heart this is big. 

Saturday morning I came into His loving presence. I thanked Him for an amazing night of table fellowship with friends. It was an absolutely fantastic night of friendship and plant based food.  I thanked Him for the price He paid on the cross for my freedom...I opened the Word and began to race through the day's I could turn to the epistle where  I planned to feast....
"Don't go back to worshiping worthless idols that cannot help or rescue you. They are totally useless." I Samuel 12:21
I remembered...what for others is an occasional "treat" is a stronghold, an idol, a place of false worship in my life. I simply cannot start down the road; at this point in my healing I cannot handle mini-splurges.  Out of control binges, food, has never helped or rescued me. They are totally useless. Jesus said to follow HIM to Freedom.  He clearly showed me Saturday morning  this is not time for me to enjoy these treats.

And we talked, my patient sweetie and I. I misunderstood his motives. My judging and subsequent idol worship was far uglier than his supposed fault.  Sin is that way. I confessed to him, as I need accountability. I'm done hiding ugly actions - because satan uses what I hide to bind me...browbeat me.

I'm broken.

I have hope only because HE was also broken - for my sin.

In tears, I rejoice. I thank Him. Once again, I truly repent.

I will continue to tear down the altar of this idol one choice at a time.

I will someday walk in total freedom - He has promised freedom as I follow...I should have listened Friday afternoon as I entered the commissary. I didn't.

Yes, I truly believe an idol is anything which I esteem higher than God, which I crave more than God, which I run to in place of God - and Poppycock is not always an idol...but on this day it certainly was. 

Choosing Joy!
©2013 D.R.G.
~Coram Deo~
Living all of life before the face of God...


Anonymous said...

Oh I can so relate to that. Food over Jesus, running to food instead of Him.
Working through the same things.
Laura J.

Ev said...

Food is the same for me - but lately it's been bad attitudes against a certain person. Been repenting & focusing on worship this morning. So desperately need that freedom from sin in my emotions that He paid for.

Anonymous said...

SIS: I am so sorry you are having this battle. Wish I was with you so you and I could go thru this type of battle together. I could use your strength. Really!

Sis, Dad/I pray for you often. We are so excited you found out what causes you headaches. We are so proud of you and your strength.

I personally promise to pray hard for you. Please include me and SUGAR plus chocolate in your prayers. I MUST get the upper hand on these 2 things because God has been so good in touching my body in healing. I think He will completely heal me as I too quit hiding and binging on sugar/chocolate etc.

Love you baby girl and standing with you in your efforts and battle with food. love/prayers always - mom t.

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