Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Lassoing the Thoughts

I'm torn between the need to "keep it real" on the blog and the growing awareness that I have no clue who reads my words any longer. ::snort::

The kids and I have hit a wall, I think. There were numerous comments yesterday that I redirected. "This place is so small," "I'm tired of all the noise around here," etc. Some well remember Jared's infamous media quote, "There's togetherness and then there's WAY togetherness." That has become our "pick me up" phrase lately, when we sense we're getting stressed. We remember that we COULD be in ONE TLF, we COULD be crammed into small hotel rooms etc., while allowing all the freedom to voice true feelings.

We kept busy yesterday and today...but under the surface I've had a growing sense that I'm TIRED OF LIVING LIFE OUT OF A SUITCASE. We left our home the middle of May. With the coming of September, I am starting to feel out of sorts. I don't want my stuff as much as I crave some space...with our own routines... We keep busy during the day so we aren't bored or disturbing other TLF guests, or frustrated by other rude guests ::snort:: , we wait for Mike to come home from work and we do it all over every day. It feels like we left one phase and are trying to enter a new phase, but are not quite able to at this point....and I'm missing the four older children a lot the last couple of days. Terribly.

I have a growing sense, that under the surface...if I don't watch it...I could unravel. ::snort:: I guess what I mean to say is that I AM LASSOING THOSE THOUGHTS AND TAKING THEM CAPTIVE TO THE LORDSHIP OF CHRIST....I'M MAKING THOUGHTS THAT I KNOW ARE NOT TRUE BOW TO THE TRUTH....but there are seasons when choosing to be joyful is simply not a matter of emotions, but a matter of the will. And it's tough!

Am I out of touch with my emotions because I refuse to accept my feelings? I don't think so. I'm not denying my emotions, I'm very aware of them. I do acknowledge that this is a hard and challenging time of our family life....but those are the very times when I am called to make a choice to believe what I know to be true, rather than what I feel to be true.

I HAVE learned many valuable lessons this summer. We ARE closer as a family. We've CERTAINLY made numerous unforgettable family memories. We LOVE Japan. Those truths are just as true as the fact that today I want to be settled and today I miss our adult children more than most days.

Choosing Joy!
©2009 D.R.G.

~ Coram Deo ~
Living all of life before the face of God...

13 comments:

Linda said...

Just remember that God's mercies are new every day.

Even if the "grumblies" are going around in your TLF units right now, every day is a new one, and God's grace is once more upon all of you. You've got the right idea...it IS a matter of will now.

Still praying heartily for you and your family!

Renee said...

{{{{entire family}}}

It would be against fire code to put 7 people in one TLF .... but regardless living in transit does get old. We have lived in hotels for a month (or longer) during many a move.. and for 3 mos in Garmisch we were without our stuff... it gets stressful very quickly.

Liz in OK said...

Some days something happens in your heart or mind, that the missing of people just hurts more. It's a hard thing.
And it's difficult to find the balance between acknowledging pain & not wallowing it.
Sounds like you're reaching for & finding the balance, taking every thought captive. The God of all comfort is near.
Even if you do eat squid & octopus.

Michelle said...

{{{De'Etta}}} I understand how hard it is living out of a suitcase for so long. When Cory was turning 3 and Kaila was less than 2 months old we moved from Alabama to Hawai'i, with Wayne going TDY en route (for a six week military school). We lived out of suitcases for more than 5 months. It does get old. On top of that you're missing your *stateside* contingency. Lots of hugs and prayers for you.

One thing I've learned from our recent move and this feeling of unsettledness: I've used this time to unplug from our regular routine. I think it's a gift from God. It's allowed me to slow down, focus on my family, to pray and ponder what He has planned for me. I've been very hesitant in volunteering for things as I don't know what this school year will bring. I have no doubt God has great plans for you friend.

Herding Grasshoppers said...

Oh, my heart goes out to you. Things do come in waves...

Julie

Cynthia said...

I noticed I'm missing having Amanda here at home more this week than in other weeks and I think it as something to do with starting school and not having all my kids here.

Ronnica said...

I've been thinking of you often as you go through this unexpectedly-long transition period! I can't imagine what it must feel like, but know that there God is our comforter no matter our circumstances.

Anonymous said...

Sis:

We love you and you family SO MUCH! Love you and are proud of the mother you are. How lucky are Mike and the kids!!!

However, we as Mom's just have times when our hearts open wide and we miss children who are now in the adult world, are starting college classes for this year, are in new jobs, and are living a life away from us. Believe me, we know and sometimes this Mom feels the same way.

However, you have had a very long of being on the move since May. We are so glad the end is in sight for you all. What a beautiful thing it is going to be moving into a brand new home. WOW! We did that once and it is great!

I know for a fact that this being the beginning of a new school year for those in the States and those with you in Japan is causing some of your heartfelt feelings.

So glad that you have found that a person must be "chossing Joy" most of the time. GOD DOES UNDERSTAND!!

Everything they have said above in post to you is wonderful and such wisdom your friends have.

We all love you to much and we all will continue praying as you proceed.

Man we want to hold you too. We sit here with tears in our eyes because we understand fully.

love/prayers --- Dad/Mom T

Krista said...

Mom I love you very much as well and a day does not go bye when I dont think about you all. Your all in my prayers.

De'Etta @ Choosing Joy said...

Thanks all...and {{{Liz}}} you are always so good and saying something profound while making me laugh at the same time. Yes, the God of comfort is near even in the land of squid and octopus. ::snort::

Every morning IS new....it's been 3 1/2 months now....and I guess I could focus on that being 3 1/2 months without having to deep clean a bathroom? ::snort::

Darshia said...

Oh, Sis,

You have great stamina to have made it this many months. I have great respect for your openess. Please remember, this is your family journal and you set the limits of who may read according to your family's comfort level.

I have been ill for only 4 weeks and my Lord has closed all doors keeping me housebound. I hit breaking point last night, but with the dawn came hope and mercy.

I pray that He, the Comforter, who walks barefoot through your soul on an ordinary day may hug you, giving you hope and peace through these lonely moments of longing and waiting.

Dorothy said...

It has been a long transition for you, hasn't it? When do you move in?

I find a good cry in the shower before getting on with the day helps me. But maybe it wouldn't be the same sort of release for you?

Praying for you.

Anonymous said...

I love you mom! It's funny...we've kinda been learning the same thing...in different terms...you to choose joy and I to trust and let Him quiet my spirit...similar lessons sorta...lol

Bre G