I'm torn between the need to "keep it real" on the blog and the growing awareness that I have no clue who reads my words any longer. ::snort::
The kids and I have hit a wall, I think. There were numerous comments yesterday that I redirected. "This place is so small," "I'm tired of all the noise around here," etc. Some well remember Jared's infamous media quote, "There's togetherness and then there's WAY togetherness." That has become our "pick me up" phrase lately, when we sense we're getting stressed. We remember that we COULD be in ONE TLF, we COULD be crammed into small hotel rooms etc., while allowing all the freedom to voice true feelings.
We kept busy yesterday and today...but under the surface I've had a growing sense that I'm TIRED OF LIVING LIFE OUT OF A SUITCASE. We left our home the middle of May. With the coming of September, I am starting to feel out of sorts. I don't want my stuff as much as I crave some space...with our own routines... We keep busy during the day so we aren't bored or disturbing other TLF guests, or frustrated by other rude guests ::snort:: , we wait for Mike to come home from work and we do it all over every day. It feels like we left one phase and are trying to enter a new phase, but are not quite able to at this point....and I'm missing the four older children a lot the last couple of days. Terribly.
I have a growing sense, that under the surface...if I don't watch it...I could unravel. ::snort:: I guess what I mean to say is that I AM LASSOING THOSE THOUGHTS AND TAKING THEM CAPTIVE TO THE LORDSHIP OF CHRIST....I'M MAKING THOUGHTS THAT I KNOW ARE NOT TRUE BOW TO THE TRUTH....but there are seasons when choosing to be joyful is simply not a matter of emotions, but a matter of the will. And it's tough!
Am I out of touch with my emotions because I refuse to accept my feelings? I don't think so. I'm not denying my emotions, I'm very aware of them. I do acknowledge that this is a hard and challenging time of our family life....but those are the very times when I am called to make a choice to believe what I know to be true, rather than what I feel to be true.
I HAVE learned many valuable lessons this summer. We ARE closer as a family. We've CERTAINLY made numerous unforgettable family memories. We LOVE Japan. Those truths are just as true as the fact that today I want to be settled and today I miss our adult children more than most days.
~ Coram Deo ~
Living all of life before the face of God...