Five weeks. I miss that boy of mine greatly. Flannel Monday finds me sporting some sassy flannel! I began to understand the need to set healthy boundaries during this grief journey. Mike and the kids seem to understand this better than me, but I'm listening to what they said. It all began with my comment, "I think grief is making me very selfish." That's a separate post. This is going to be a FUN post.
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| Y'all gon' make me lose my mind up in here! |
Jared and Larissa hosted Thanksgiving. This was great as it allowed the family to connect, but in a new environment. The idea is it would help with missing Josiah. I'm not sure if it helped. It didn't help around here....things did not go as planned. Here are a few photos the gang shared. I KNOW there is one of Benny schooling everyone in cards...but I can't find it.
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| Noah's first Thanksgiving |
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| Jared carving his first turkey |
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| Noah approved of dinner |
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| Cousin play time |
You may note none of our household are in photos - because we didn't make it. I woke up Thursday with a wet pillow, leaking eyes and shivering. We HAVE checked with a doc and if you have no symptoms and are shivering it can sometimes be your body releasing trauma. I did a lot of shivering that first week or two after Josiah was killed. We all knew Thanksgiving would be hard - so I figured my body was reacting.
About an hour later I began throwing up. I threw up more in one day than I have in a 24-hour period since I was pregnant with Alex - the standard of all things nausea related. I ached everywhere, had a fever, chills, headache...that was Thanksgiving.
The five of us stayed home and I'm not really sure what they did. I was so sick I couldn't keep water or crackers down. The day passed with me fairly unaware of anything other than my personal misery. When I was awake, I grieved and cried. Day 2 and 3, I showed steady improvement. Day 4 - I felt fairly good except for fever blisters on my lips and sores inside my mouth/gums. Today I'm feeling good except for the sores.... Day 3 for me became Stacia's Day 1. She is feeling well and was up and at it today. Allie felt off and achy yesterday but is up and about today. Michael had a headache yesterday but seems fine today.
Michael and I had energy this morning. Stacia needed to check out the Christmas decorations at MAG so she could see if she needed to do anything with the Christmas play plans. I tagged along with her and Michael and picked up things I'd left at the church and needed here at home now that seasons have changed. I needed the crates I store oranges and apples in now that orange season is here. LOL
We dropped Stacia at college...Allie had a few hours before she needed to be at college and was with Dad. I suggested Michael and I grab some drinks and sit by the river. It was a golden opportunity to chat a bit and we headed off. The road down to the river was not plowed. I would have been trying to back out of there.... but Michael was driving, and he's got considerably more winter experience than I. We parked and were enjoying our solitude when a little PT Cruiser came down. He got stuck. He proceeded to spin, slide, and gun the motor. A couple other trucks came and left while he did this. None of them stopped to help. Then a white truck not only came down the road but pulled up near our van AND GOT STUCK. He was in a 4x4 truck, and it was obvious he was SURE all he needed to do was drop it into 4-wheel drive and gun the engine. He got stuck too! His front was sliding ever closer to our van and the stuck cruiser.
We didn't have a shovel and it appeared neither gentleman was interested in assistance...so we watched. Until the truck driver got crazier. Michael got out and talked to the young driver in the cruiser. He simply had no idea to back up, stay in his track, slowly accelerate...he just kept plowing full speed into new, deep, slushy snow and getting stuck. Once he understood what Mike meant, he was in good shape. Michael started digging the snow out from under his tires - with his hands. He jumped out and helped. Mike helped push him out of his hole...he backed back down the hill and got a great start. I'm sure he'll remember a new winter driving skill.
The 4-wheel drive truck? He just kept sliding around, throwing snow everywhere. Mike asked him if he'd like help and he didn't answer. Just kept gunning his engine. His wife got out and was yelling at him that he was going to slide into our van. Mike tried to help dig out his tires, but he kept gunning the engine and it wasn't safe. Michael joined us. His wife kept telling him to stop. He kept ignoring her and finally got himself loose. They zoomed up the hill. I would hope he learned having 4-wheel drive doesn't negate the need for winter driving skills.
We enjoyed talking, it was pretty funny to watch everyone slip and slide down the hill, I got a sun-starting-to-set photo at about 2:40 p.m. AND I remembered it's time to take the picnic blankets out of the car and put the winter stuff in...the bag of gravel, shovel, warm blankets.
I had just enough time to shovel our deck off and get dinner on the table, while Michael worked on his truck and getting our outside Christmas lights working. It felt good to get a couple of jobs done, and to get out with Michael.
GRACE NOTES:
1. Personal growth in a time of personal stress is a hopeful thing to experience. A family to support and correct you - priceless.
2. An impromptu date with Michael at the river complete with entertainment. - also, priceless.
3. VA came through with a great ruling - we simply need to send in another one or two forms and wait for some back payment. (We haven't heard anything back from the Social Security Administration).
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