Jury Service, Mountain Escapes, Tea and MOOSE x2

I realize from various comments that I may not have been clear about the jury pool here. We all serve when called and then we don't have to serve again for two years. However, when called to serve we are obligated to serve for two weeks. We call every night after 5 to see if they need us the following day. Yes, there is an initial questionnaire and yes, I did note that the trial for Josiah's murderer ended at just this time a year ago.  

I was told my jury group was July 5th - July 19th. My number was 20 out of 703. I was fairly certain I would be asked to come in last week. My presence was requested the very first day. 

When one arrives, they are given another questionnaire to fill out. This asks specifically about your relationship with law professionals, the judicial system, any crimes you may have been affected by etc. I filled out my form HONESTLY and figured the lawyers would toss me out.  

I was selected for jury voir dire. I knew both lawyers had the questionnaire, and I had shared honestly that being in the court brought back hard memories and it was a challenge to stay undistracted and focused on the present. I also voiced I resent defense lawyers and don't trust them. 

Last week when questioned I choked up and cried, jurors cried....we were a collective mess.  Actually, my jury adventure was the anniversary of Josiah's murderer's sentencing. I was excused for cause.  I called every night and wasn't asked to return. I ASSUMED I would not be called again.

I called last night and they CALLED MY NUMBER. Obviously, nothing has changed in a week. I went in and filled out the same questionnaire, the same way. Several others who had been excused were back as well. We all knew I'd be booted again.  

The questions started and I didn't cry. I was collected and answered questions and told my story. I was doing good. Then they asked WHY I said I distrust and/or resent defense lawyers. I hesitated. They reframed the question. I said I didn't mind sharing my thoughts, but I was trying to figure out how much they would want the jury to hear. I KNEW I'd be excused again and I realized that hearing my story would cause people to think of victims rather than defendants. The judge invited me to approach the bench, all the lawyers followed. He asked me to share. I did. The prosecutor asked me questions, the judge asked me questions, and the defense attorney asked me questions. I answered fully and honestly. The judge agreed I was correct defense attorneys are given wide latitude. I told the defense attorney he was the only person in the process who doesn't swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth - or who is able to say things without producing evidence to back up his claims. His job is to create doubt in a proven narritive if it doesn't  serve his client. They asked for examples. I gave them several from the trial where comments were made that the defense lawyer KNEW the evidence proved to be false...yet his job is to create a defense. This has left me jaded. Anyway, I told him it was nothing personal. I agreed I would try to be impartial and fair, but I wanted to be honest up front about the struggle. I tend to believe prosecutors more than defense attorneys. Someone else may well have the opposite experience. 

The defense attorney said he didn't feel it would be right to ask me to deny my lived experience and asked I be excused for cause. 

I was thanked and commended for the courage to voice my honest thoughts in front of the defense attorney.  The jury didn't hear any of the discussion - there was quite a few jocular comments and pats on the back as I was once again excused for cause. 

I was fine until I got out the courtroom. 

I cried.

I miss Josiah. 

I don't appreciate being forced to share my story to a roomful of strangers - TWICE. I was told I could be called back again until Friday. It seems cruel when they all KNOW they are going to excuse me. I am trying to follow their system, and it isn't working for me. 

A friend, who is a judge in another state, has advised me to call the clerk and ask to be dismissed. The timing of this process doesn't allow for a call - the courthouse is closed before I would know I'm being called again....BUT if I am called again, I plan to march up to the clerk when I arrive and tell him I've been excused twice for cause and my "lived experience" hasn't changed in the past few days and ask him to dismiss me. ::snort::

I got in the truck and the ugly sobs started. 

I decided I needed to be alone, and I wanted to be alone in the mountains. I sort of wanted to meet a bear - I was in that type of mood - I wanted to fight. I ran home, changed clothes, grabbed a bagel and bear spray and headed for the mountains to recalibrate.  It was rainy. The trails were deserted. One needs to make noise when hiking alone so I prayed, I SCREAMED loud and long, I wore myself out and then I knew I was ready to surrender and finally I came back to town. I don't love that this bugged me so much - but it did. I have forgiven lawyer Y. I still resent the lies he made up about our son. 

I'm fine. I'm just tired of the memories that come up by remembering sentencing, the trial, the courthouse...and it doesn't matter that it's not the same courthouse. I won't be called again for 2 years from today - unless the call me before Friday and then the 2 years will be from that date. 

The fireweed has a LONG way to go!

I came down from the mountains and ran to take a new phone to Dad. I stopped for tea and a treat with Bre and kids after that. The hugs were healing. 

Melia took the following picture. Between the moose and the chickens, I am having a horrible time with the garden this year! 

I popped store-bought enchiladas in the oven for dinner. 

Stacia, Melia and I are watching Pride and Prejudice - the 1995 version. We have no clue which is the "good" one, but we are enjoying ourselves. We finished "The Other Bennet Sister" and needed something else. LOL  We watched another episode of Pride and Prejudice. 

Allie came home from work, we visited and this very long day has come to an end!

If you are counting this is trail number 8 in the Matsu Trail Passport Challenge. One more to go by the 19th