When a Spreadsheet Makes You Cry

I have been slow to plan dipnetting this year. The reservation was made before we left camp last year, but by this time I have usually updated the spreadsheet. This spreadsheet contains a list of everyone coming, when they arrive and leave, where they will be sleeping, and which meal they will be providing.  From this I shop for groceries and snacks, prep the RV, and clear out the small freezer and move it to the RV. While I do this Mike, and Josiah, usually repair nets, check all the equipment and do essential guy stuff. 

It's true I have been busy with a ton of paperwork in the past weeks. It's also true it's been raining. We simply haven't embraced the planning with our usual gusto.

Arielle and the kids came over today with the express purpose of helping me prepare for dipnetting. We pulled up the 2023 spreadsheet to update for 2024. Staring me in the face was a reminder of joy and sorrow. I had to remove Josiah's name. I cried. The hallmark of 2024 are moments of joy graced with grief. We are so blessed to have loved this boy/man. We are blessed to be Josiah's parents. It does slap one in the face from time to time and hurts in this season. 

I now have a clear picture of who is coming, what I need to buy and what I need to prep.  Unfortunately, I will be screaming busy until Monday, but I will be ready to execute the plan come Monday. We leave to dipnet on Thursday. 

This will be Josi and Ellie's first year at fish camp. 

Ellie Rae 

Benny ate strawberries to his heart's content and then picked a few to take home.

GRACE NOTES 

SWEET extra hours of solitude with Jesus this morning.

Fun visit with Arielle and kids.

Dinner and an episode with Jenni.

Midnight Walks

I took a couple of breaks from paperwork and bureaucracy. 

Stacia and I went school shopping and filled a couple of backpacks. It was fun for this retired homeschool mom to revisit the school supply aisles.

I didn't quite make it to baking...oops. The starter is alive and well! 

The highlight of the day was a midnight walk with Michael. The detours are a pain and add travel time to every drive ...but there is no traffic on our road these days, and it makes for a rather relaxing walk. 

Yes, it's still light...check out the road. They are making progress.

Each of the aforementioned things are also Grace Notes.

Tuesday - CHECK.

 A lot accomplished today - another long day of paperwork. LOL  

• I got all the auto pays which were coming from the out of state account moved to the local account.
• I copied and sent a power of attny to above vendors. 
• I tracked all checking accounts - waiting for statements to reflect accurate balances so I can submit paperwork. 
• Sent paperwork for Dad to a lawyer in WA via certified mail. 
• I picked up Dad's medication. 
• I bought a few things Dad needed. 
• I talked to Dad's Care Coordinator several times today. 
• Michael helped me reset the soaker hoses in the greenhouse. 

I stopped on this overcast, drizzly, gloomy day to get a drive through chai. I've not done this in months!!!! In addition to the cute little Mae West quote I scored a long streamer that reads "You're my sunshine on a cloudy day."  It's the little things that perk me up. ::snort:: 

I got home in time to hear from Dad's care coordinator again. It appears I will need to totally redo the application and documentation rather than just submit updated statements. The plan has been for me to send all to her, and she checks and submits the paperwork so she can track it. She's had a family emergency and will be leaving the state on Saturday. I will most likely be submitting it all myself. Yikes.  I will rework it all tomorrow and then just wait for the verification I need before submitting. 

I paid a few bills of OURS since I was in paperwork mode. 

We met at a local restaurant for dinner with Krista, Nolan, Stacia and GG, Michael and I. They alternate between the valley and Eagle River or Anchorage. It is nice to have Krista home from traveling. 

I rounded out the day by filling out some paperwork the girls' need for college. 

Have you gathered I don't like paperwork nor talking on phones? I'm a face-to-face gal. 

GRACE NOTES:

• A chai break on a cloudy day. 
• Much accomplished in the realm of paperwork and bureaucracy.
• Dinner with adult kids - really is one of the best things going these days! 
• Nice conversation with Michael. 

Ah, Monday.

I was going through some of the organic produce from the co-op and a sweet ladybug climbed out. I have been wanting to order some for the greenhouse - which has aphids. I have been longing to get into the garden, so I took her out and placed her in the greenhouse. I hope she thrives. I must order more. 

I took a quick look around and found more peppers....and little tomatoes. I must get out there and do something about the tomatoes, soaker hose placement and aphids. The neem oil doesn't seem to be helping much. 

I didn't blog last week because I spent every spare moment, the entire week, working on an application packet and financial paperwork, which needs to be completed. I turned it in Thursday afternoon and had one day of relief before hearing I would need to do a bunch MORE financial stuff and turn in the application again if I didn't want it rejected out of hand. Ye GADS. Concise instructions about requirements would have saved me hours of paperwork. 

My early morning tea in the garden, the hour of weeding and yardwork - gone! For the entire week. The garden is a mess. I need to get out there. I have to finish this application.  

I spent a couple hours at home making calls and reworking numbers. I went into the bank and funded a trust. I came home and spent more hours trying to get things to flow from a current account hosted out of state to the trust...much more work to do. I crafted a new cover letter and collected papers to send off tomorrow to a lawyer. In the midst of all this we discovered Dad's wallet was missing. This is not the first time. We searched everywhere - then we thought to ask our Facebook community to pray for grace and sanity in our home and for us to find the wallet. I can't even begin to explain the hours it takes to replace things when he loses his wallet.  I vaguely remembered seeing the wallet by his seat in the van....we searched and didn't find it. Tonight, as we headed to dinner at Nolan and Alex's...I began to just go through the cubbies in the van...and FOUND the wallet.  I am getting SMART this time. I am making a copy of all the important cards in his wallet and keeping that in his file. I'm also probably going to pull some of the essential elements from his wallet and keep them in mine. Maybe. I'm usually the driver and that way we'll not have big panic. I already keep his Medicare cards in my wallet. 

In any event I did not make it out to weed the garden today either. 

Allie was at work. Liv seemed to need a visitor today and so Stacia went in to Eagle River and spent some time hanging out with her. I spent a total of 6.5 hours working on this finance/application mess. I suspect another 3 hours tomorrow. We'll see. I tried so hard to be polite but by the end of the day I found myself telling a state bureaucrat (not one of ours) he was less than helpful, and I would be contacting a lawyer. Which I did. They only asked me to send them a couple of things and THEY will deal with said bureaucrat. They knew EXACTLY what I had experienced and said I'm not the only one who has had this experience. She will handle the matter for free. 

Our surprise invite to Nolan and Alex's home was such a blessing. They fixed a yummy dinner and we watched Hoodwinked. Stacia, and then Allie, both arrived to share dinner and a movie. It was a good ending to a rather unenjoyable day. 

I haven't made it to the garden, but others have. Check this out! I was trying to find netting to cover my berries and couldn't. Michael made this. It's far fancier than anything I imagined. A quick look tells me the new strawberry plants have gone WILD. They are already creeping out of this space.

He thought of EVERYTHING. It has hinges and little legs and a handle so I can flip it up and weed and pick berries. 

Cory has also been in the garden. He extended the height of the pea's trellis. The beans are still not growing. 

And so, I've blogged, and yes, there's more....it's this ongoing sadness...I don't like it. I'm not a sad person. I'm the cheery one that keeps the rest of the family's spirits up... I AM doing well - and yes, I'm sad and I'm tired of saying it over and over...so I took the week off. This flannel Monday I'm reminded the grief journey is not a race. What happens, happens...and God is still good. God is still with me. God carries me along and he's not upset at the pace. 

At least the paperwork is distracting...

GRACE NOTES

• That which was lost, Dad's wallet, is FOUND! 
• An invite to dinner at Nolan and Alex's. They put out a good spread. 
• Helpful women at the bank and the lawyer's office.
• I found a ladybug which gave me an excuse to get near the garden. 
• Check out that lovely cover - the next step in the competition with the birds over the berries. 

Rain Can't Dampen Our Day

My heart woke up this morning longing for and missing Josiah. Yes, we miss him every single day.  However, the emotions are more intense on some days than others. Ironically, I can trace this to several things about to happen, or having just happened, which I know Josiah would have LOVED to be a part of...in other words joy led to this morning's melancholy.  Once again, I'm learning to allow joy/grief...joy/sorrow to exist in the same space. It is sacred. God is good and God meets me so intimately in the place of honesty. 

Yesterday, many of us walked in the Bear Paw Parade on behalf of Jared's campaign for Alaska State Senate. Josiah was such a rock, one of those always cheering in the balcony of our lives, regardless of what we were attempting. He would love to be a part of Jared's race. He would have been in the midst of the parade with his big laugh, and quick comments. As I walked yesterday, I teared up a few times... and realized it wasn't a bad reaction to the rain...I was taking immense joy in the family all together supporting Jared, and yet I missed sharing the day with Josiah.  Yeah - dip netting plans are switching into high gear and that is another space Josiah filled with such joy. Much to feel and think through...

The day began EARLY. Michael left the house at 0700 to meet the guys in Eagle River. I got GG up and ready early. We had thought he would enjoy the parade, but it was raining, HEAVY, and it seemed best to have him stay home.  No one wants to be sick this close to fish camp. Arielle, Ellie and Charles arrived around 0845 to stay with GG.  One of my fun memories of the day is Charles bursting into the kitchen exuberantly declaring, "Grandma, I'm baaaack!" 

Nolan showed up around 0900. We grabbed rain ponchos, candy and the girls, Nolan and I headed to meet up with everyone else at the staging area for the parade. Our gps' were "somewhat helpful" in finding the staging area.  We eventually found everyone.  Larissa and Noah got back to town Friday night, and it was great to see them! 

Carrie ended up with the day off and she, Liv and Ellie (her niece) and Josi joined the parade. 

Carrie and Josi 📷by Carrie

This was Josi's first Bear Paw Parade - and her second parade to "walk" in in her short life. LOL 

Allie and Nolan were all able to join us for this parade. The rain ended up just not making much of an impact. LOL 

Nolan, Stacia and Allie form the umbrella brigade

Some of my gals!

Due to Krista's job she isn't allowed to walk in partisan parades. She DID meet us, stay on the sidelines, take some photos and enjoy lunch with us. She was back up if any of the kids got tired of the parade. 

Parade route 📷by Krista

📷by Krista

Such a great campaigner!

Jared's Bear Paw Team - 📷by Larissa

Mike - our fearless driver. 📷by Larissa

📷by Larissa

Nolan, Jamin, Stacia, Allie 📷by Larissa

📷by Larissa

We headed over to the after party at ACF. There were food trucks, a live band and fun. We arrived early and grabbed some chimis and pizza. Michael left with Jared to set up the parade sign in a gentleman's yard - along the busy route.  The girls and Nolan headed back to the valley. I went with Krista to the base. Jenni met up with me and we went and retrieved her car. I drove Joelle's fancy van back to her house. Jenni drove me back home and we visited a bit. 

I looked out the window and noted Danny with a wagon in the garden. LOL Cory was extending the height of my trellis as the peas are going crazy. The beans - not so much. I can't seem to figure out the secret of beans. They aren't doing well in the beds OR in the greenhouse.  Benny and Danny were excited to show me peas and zucchini. I knew both those were there but then they led the way to the greenhouse. I knew a bell pepper was growing but lo and behold. WHERE did our first sweet pepper come from. I had to send both home with Benny. He was so excited. Danny took home a loaf of sourdough. 

It was a great day and I know today will be too. It will be another day of learning how to authentically accept all life is just now...the joy filled and the grief laden.  

I saw a line of this song posted online...and the rest of the lyrics are instantly with me...Yes, I will make room for what Jesus is doing - when it's joyful, when its sorrowful, and when it's unexpected. 

Make Room 

Here is where I lay it down

Every burden every crown 

This is my surrender

Here is where I lay it down

Every lie and every doubt

This is my surrender

And I will make room for you 

to do whatever you want to

Shake up the ground of all my tradition

Break down the wall of all my religion

Your way is better

Grace Notes: 

• Fun in the rain at the parade. 
• Moments of time snatched from a busy weekend to be with Krista, Jenni and Joelle. 
• Arielle, Cory and family helping out on the home front in so many ways. 
• No need to water the garden. 

Paint Night with Sara - Girls Night Out!

Everyone had the day off work. Stacia arranged a paint night for us. She invited all the girls...but Larissa and Krista are still traveling, and Carrie was unsure how Josi would do at such an event.  We attended a Paint Night with Sara and Co in Wasilla. It was FANTASTIC. Sara and Lorri are great. We were happy that Arielle and Jenni were able to join Stacia, Allie and myself. 

It is past time for a girl's night out. The room is spacious, and they had plenty of room for the 5 of us in their class...six counting Ellie Rae. 

#girlstribe

Because, obviously, I cannot take a photo with my mouth shut! 

📷by Arielle

I was off to a rough start - but it got better! 

They were great with Ellie Rae. They bought her a little easel and canvas. 

Painting is hard work for Ellie & Bachan. 
📷by Arielle

Bachan and Ellie's finished paintings. I love her little canvas. Priceless memory we have with HER even though she won't remember it with us. LOL Note my painting was pretty respectable until we added all the fireweed. I should have stopped...who has seen fireweed as tall as a mountain???? It makes me laugh. 

📷by Arielle

It was a fun evening....and hey I have a new white elephant gift for the next bunco party. 

Arielle & Ellie, Allie, Me, Jenni, Stacia

I saw a painting with a stack of books and a cuppa tea on top...I want it...but I can't buy it...I have to go paint it. Hmm...maybe a fun winter event.  We left the paint shop and headed to Blaze pizza for dinner. 

I think we need to plan more girls' nights out. I miss these types of nights out; we certainly need to get in a lot of time with Krista before she moves next summer. 

Sequential Vortex

 Are you familiar with the concept of a sequential vortex? One sets out to complete a simple task, which invariably leads to unplanned consequences. Stacia set out to frame and hang some photos. The problem is that she shares a room and Allie had things that may need to be hung on the same wall.  She'd need to wait until Allie got home from work. 

At this point she focused on the "clutter" stacked along the wall which would receive the photos. She needed to declutter...but the stuff was going to go on the top bunk of the loft/cave bed she'd created. She didn't want to do that until there was plywood on the board. She'd been waiting for months for the plywood to materialize.  At this point she and I headed to Michael's garage in search of plywood that would fit. She HAD measured.  We hauled it into the house, asked Michael if we could use this peace of coveted, squirrelled away plywood. He agreed. We hauled it down the stairs, into their room and lifted it into place. 

I'm not sure HOW Stacia measured but the plywood was about 2 - 3 inches too long. I asked Michael if I should use a handsaw or the sawsall...he brought in a circular saw and took care of it. He then lifted it into place for us. 

At this point Stacia began fussing about chips of wood falling into her face while she sleeps. Since the quake of Northern Japan, she seems to worry about things falling onto her face while she sleeps. She decided she would need to cover the wood in fabric. 

We headed to what was created to be my "PHOTO closet" which had quickly morphed into a family "CRAFT closet." As I slowly opened the door skeins of yard, bags of fabric, old college projects and even a Christmas Tree cascaded out into the house at large! Clearly this closet had become the girls' overflow storage as I haven't worked on photos since we moved into the house in ::cough::  ::gasp:: 2017. 

Obviously, this led to organizing the closet....2 garbage bags of trash and 3 garbage bags for the thrift store later and we felt good about the closet. Allie came home from work as we were putting things back into the closet and sweeping up the mess. Stacia clued her in on the happenings. 

In the midst of cleaning the closet we found a piece of fabric Stacia deemed perfect to cover the plywood. Stacia got Michael's staple gun, we lowered the wood to the floor and attached the fabric. We then put it back up again. Done. 

Stacia moved the storage tubs she was storing to the top of the loft/cave bed. 

We took a break to grab a bit of sustenance. 

Finally, it was time to hang photos, that which began this afternoon long activity.  Typically, Michael does not want us hanging photos. He likes things measured and leveled and its easier to do it himself than see it "off" for the duration. I asked where his picture hanging kit was. He wasn't sure. He usually takes the bait and hangs things when he sees us looking for the kit - but not tonight. I suspect he decided he doesn't spend a lot of time in the girls' room and he could live with chaos on their walls.  We eventually laid all to be hung on the floor in a pattern and set too. 

A few hilarious shenanigans ensured at which point I activated my karate hands and settled things into a sane pattern of hanging. 

Not to fear the laughter and shenanigans continued. I love spending time with these girls. I am enjoying their summer "break." 

Not to worry, girls - I've got this! 

It works. Allie's artwork on the left and top. I believe it's her memorial hanging with Josiah and all our names at the bottom of the clock. Stacia's art and a Jane Eyre quote on the right. I would probably have spread them out to cover more of the wall - but it's THEIR room and they believe in a "box theory" of wall decorating. ::grin:: 

It's taken them awhile, but they are coming up with a room they both are happy with. I thought a carpet was in the works, but I believe they are having trouble finding one that will match the wall and their personal style. 

I was pretty sure having the closet organized would lead to better sleep - and possibly having this project done would help with that as well. 

Note: I have been doing far too much comfort eating the past months. I have extended grace to myself, but grace doesn't mean no boundaries. It's time to get the weight off. BUT I'm not going to hide from capturing fun family moments along the way. Fluffy people deserve fun and family members as well as teeny people. LOL