Monday, February 03, 2014

A Word About My Renewed Musings

Some have noted I've begun "preaching" again on the blog. ::wink::  I had no clue so many noticed when  I quit musing. Life got very busy and I had no time to write.  I felt it more important to live life than write about it; to commune deeply with Jesus in the Word, than to write about it. If something has to go, it will be the writing-not the time spent in the Word. I am IN the Word most days, but simply don't always have time to write. I have a bit more time lately. 

I didn't like the pressure I felt years back to "be profound" and "say something" every day, even if it wasn't REAL or authentic to what Jesus was saying to me at that moment. I didn't like how people began to assume I was writing about THEM when I shared what God was saying to ME. I  didn't like when some began to judge me if I didn't share daily. In other words the pressure to be profound is hard for an extrovert. ::snort:: 

God has been doing a deep work in my heart. I have been doing battle, with Him by my side, dismantling past strongholds. I've felt like Nehemiah, "...I am doing a great work and I cannot come down..." (Neh 6:3). I've been dealing with my history....and honestly....I had to do this alone...letting only one or two into the process. It's been a big, beautiful mess! Michael is a man who has walked through much with the damaged bride he married. I went silent as  my energy  centered on following Jesus into the pain in order to come out the other side FREE and whole.  This discipleship stuff is not for the weak at heart. Not only did I limit my "blog musing," but I also have not taught a Bible study for the past 1.5 years (previously I had taught 21 years without a break), I stepped aside from all leadership roles and I followed where He led. It's been an unexpected journey. I knew I was burned out. I knew I needed to rest. I knew I craved secrecy/solitude. I didn't know I was ready and God ordained it was time to deal deeper with my history.  I wrote a bit about one aspect of this when I wrote about my  battle with food addiction. There is much more I could write - but I'm not going to be that vulnerable here.

As I seem to have begun sharing more again -who knew my 50's would open the floodgate - let's clear a few things up. Musings are my musings. They are NOT polished teachings ready to be presented in a group setting. They are  NOT my way of  saying something to someone without saying something to them (did you follow that?).  They  are not self-promotion. 

I never attempt to finger YOU. What you read is the result of the Holy Spirit fingering ME. 

 I love to teach a quick little method of devotional reading called "SOAP". Scripture, Observed, Applied, Prayed.  You can see how Pastors have done this here. I love to meet with a group of women, read the same passages throughout a week, SOAP and share. It's fascinating how the Holy Spirit illumines different parts to each one of us.  Life Groups are a bit different in that you spend 20 min. silently reading the Word, 20 min journaling and 20 min sharing. This sounds fun too, but I've never been part of a group which uses this format. Have you?

This year I am focusing on the New Testament in my reading.  I usually read the OT once and the NT twice in a year. I will spend extra time lingering and soaking  up the New Testament. I am also doing a PWOC Bible Study, am being mentored and doing some reading with that, am studying for family circle and sometimes just like to sit down and read the Old Testament for fun.

As I read through the Word - I SOAP...and as I have time or feel led to share - I will. I'm very mindful these days of the "secret life" God has called me to cultivate.  BUT when I DO share....know that I am sharing what Holy Spirit lovingly points out I need to hear. We're all human - and often our weaknesses or need of encouragement will be the same. I don't set out to convict YOU, that's the job of Someone much holier than me.

This is a family journal. If I'm in the Word and feel like this may have benefit for family at some point now or 100 years from now - I'll share. If it blesses you, I'm humbled.

Choosing Joy!
©2013 D.R.G.
~Coram Deo~
Living all of life before the face of God...

The Search Continues

Only Stacia ventured out with me. Our search for a Mother of the Bride dress continued today.

We went to Lincoln, Marysville and Yuba City. We visited thrift stores, consignment shops, malls and department stores. The bridal stores we visited were closed on Monday. Must be a Yuba City thing.  I also spent an hour online before we left and several more late this evening.

Yes, I am discouraged. BUT I'm encouraged in the fact that if I find something "right" but ugly no one will remember. The only way anyone will remember what I'm wearing is if it is over the top fancy, over the top revealing or Red. ::snort::

By this time I'm ready to wear the first dress Bre and I bought. This dress is gorgeous ON BRE. On me....I feel like a stuffed sausage....and when I sit down it hikes up to alarming heights....and if I bend over...but I won't be bending over....I'll just be waddling down an aisle. ::snort::    Below is the dress I bought with Bre (right), the one I bought when thinking the Bonus Women were wearing "red or pink"  - I was ditching the bow!  I got them out and realized just maybe the first dress - the short one is a shade of pink. Certainly more pink than the red one.....
I texted BreAnne.

Me - "What color would you say the first dress is?"

Bre replied, "Burgundy - a cross between pink and red."

Me - "So, it's a SHADE OF PINK?"

Bre - "Deep pink?"

So now - if I can find spanx and if I don't sit down much....this may work....the more I look - the more I lean this way. But I know it is not a flattering look and if all are in cotton candy pink...well.....I can just call it Berry Pink and be fine...right?  I couldn't find spanx at Target.

We kept shopping. I am now willing to wear matronly, and not overly formal are my only qualifications for the dress...oh and it has to fit. I'm finding too small or too large!  (Yes, I did ask if they could order other sizes - most dresses this time of the year are "discontinued"  - you know last year's leftovers and new ones come out in the spring/prom/wedding season - or so I was told several times. ::grin::).

We got home with enough time for me to change, dip strawberries and head to PWOC LIFT (Ladies in Fellowship Together).  I sat with a couple of women who also appear to be newbies to Beale. It was fun to visit...and I discovered one of them lives on the SAME STREET AS ME.  We played "speed friending" and it was the best interaction with a variety of women  I've had since arriving. Kudos to Cynthia and Christie...or Katie or whoever planned the evening.

I was also offered a mother of the bride dress by Lisa. I went home with her, picked up the dress and came home. I tried it on. It's too big.

I'm still looking - online today I think.....and then I'm just going to have to order online and pray the thing fits....I hate to spend the bucks they are asking online and not even know if it will fit until days before the wedding....I like to have a plan.

But again - the main thing is BREANNE AND IZAAK will be married...and no one is going to care if something isn't quite right, someone stumbles or the mother of the bride looks like a long as she is in some shade of pink. ::snort::

Choosing Joy!
©2013 D.R.G.
~Coram Deo~
Living all of life before the face of God...

Momentous Kisses

First kisses, funny kisses, romantic  kisses, sweet kisses, goodbye kisses....think of the many  kinds of kisses you have given and received.

Early in Matthew 26 we encounter a woman with a jar of costly perfume. She pours it over Jesus' head. Other gospels add details (or maybe tell a second account - still researching), adding in that she also poured it the perfume on his feet while kissing Him. (Matt 26:6-13; Mk 14:3; Lk 7:37; Jn 12:2) In ancient days priests and kings were anointed with a specific fragrance to announce and prepare for their service. She anoints Jesus, her priest and king. That fragrance would have lingered.

A kiss of intimate worship!

Immediately Judas went to Jesus and said, "Hail, Rabbi!" and kissed him. And Jesus said to him, Friend, do what you have come for. Matthew 26:49-50a

A kiss of betrayal.

Two kisses...which  am I offering Jesus today?

Based on a devotional Renee Beyea gave at PWOC - it lingered and now it's captured for our family. 

Choosing Joy!
©2013 D.R.G.
~Coram Deo~
Living all of life before the face of God...