Monday, November 13, 2023

Three Weeks - Snowy Day

 It's been 3 weeks since that fateful day. 

Three short weeks which feel like an eternity. 

Words fall short of expressing my thoughts and emotions.  

I don't have the energy to try this evening. 

My "one thing" other than grieving today was writing a couple of thank you notes, and driving to the mailbox and dropping them in. I also cooked dinner and got ON the treadmill. I did not turn the treadmill on. This is the second day I've climbed on and decided I didn't have the energy to turn it on. I'm going to have to push through that. LOL 

We are preparing for our monthly family celebration this upcoming Saturday (the waterworks start just typing that). When one walks into our home one of the first things they see as they look up into the living room from the entry is Mike's recliner and one of the couches. Josiah and Carrie usually showed up a couple hours early for family celebrations. Josiah always sat in the same spot on the couch and visited with Mike.  They were also on hand to help with last minute food prep and hauling tables and chairs. When family have visited, that spot on the couch is glaringly empty. We're not afraid of tears, but Carrie shared she had rearranged some furniture and that helped. After dinner I moved the couch and recliners to break it up a bit. We'll see if it helps. 

Railing was cleared last night

In other news - we woke up to ANOTHER 6 inches of snow. It IS much more beautiful with the assurance Shawn will be by to plow the driveway. I think we're falling in love with Shawn. LOL  The other company had a fleet of fancy trucks ...but BALD TIRES and didn't push the snow down the hill. Shawn fixed that last night and was by before 0900 this morning clearing the driveway again.  The second vehicle closest to the house is my was clear when we went to bed. Stacia's vibe is behind the van and it is TALLER than the van now due to snow. LOL 
Shawn in the blue truck 

On days like this I really question our chicken raising aspirations. Allie had mercy on me and took care of them this morning. There were 22 eggs, so the cold isn't bothering them too much. They stand in the space under the roof and squawk at us. I'm sure they are complaining about the white stuff. They are all in the coop every night...even when we let them range throughout the property. One hen stayed out all night once last week...I'm pretty sure she won't do THAT again.  They don't leave that square once the snow arrives. 

And just like THAT - all the weeds from the garden plot are out of sight!

Look at the snow in the toddler swing! 

It snowed all day. Michael needed to dig out cars and, in the process, got the snow blower out and took care of the front area by the cars, and then the whole driveway... another 4 - 6 inches had accumulated. Jamin said we could have called Shawn back. WHUT? I passed that on to Michael, but he said he needed to do the cars anyway. 

We had dinner. The girls are in the process of attending their college class via zoom. 

It's getting dark around 4 p.m. now. We're in the season of long winter nights.  This was 4 p.m. 

Today's Grace Notes:

1. Alaska is beautiful in white. 

2. Jamin has blessed us this winter with snow removal, and we are grateful. 

3. Three weeks - and we are still surviving. 

4. I pulled out the notes from yesterday's sermon and they were still so very helpful. 

Prayer Requests: 

1. Mike and I are just not sure how we're supposed to grieve the loss of Josiah. Pray with us to know when we need to "suck it up" and when we need to "show ourselves grace." 

2. Pray for each member of the family as we grieve. 

3. We feel a component of this season is spiritual warfare, pray with us that everything the enemy intended would be thwarted and that no seeds of bitterness would take root in our family.

4. Please pray with us that God brings lots and lots of good for this horrible situation. 
Club Beyond was so good for our kids

Mourning Mind Tricks

The mind is an amazing thing and coupled with grief odd things can happen. LOL 

With that in mind, I am ready to confess for the past 4 or 5 days I've woken up mid-night with the feeling of holding baby Josiah. His head resting in the crook of my arm, my hands cupping his little bum while he nursed.  It seems so real. I'm up in the middle of the night nursing my first-born son. I can feel it. 

Such sweet and tender moments. 

He and I alone. 

But, wait. 

I'm in bed. 

And the last time I saw Josiah he had been savaged by evil. 

No longer the little boy, but an unassuming man of God, the type who loves big and courageously and would lay down his life to protect another. 

Like his father. 

I weep. 

I'm proud. 

I'm thankful and I grieve. 

This morning when the cycle began it was replaced with the thought of being in the room with Carrie and Jess when Josiah and Carrie's little Josi is born. I'm so very thankful for Josiah's girls. They've brought such joy to our family. 

I find I'm smiling amidst the tears.