Monday, March 04, 2024

A Hard Monday

This morning was HARD.  

All Monday's have a bit of a sting - still - 19 weeks after the fateful Monday. At least it's Flannel Monday, and I didn't have to wonder about what to wear. ::snort:: 

I suppose there are times when joy is at the forefront, and there are days when grief steps front and center.  I began the day working on the back post of Josi's Birth Story for the blog. It was sweet...and wonderful...and such joy, but as I was warned, there was great grief that day. Grief sometimes overwhelms the joy. One just has to let grief be felt and then joy nudges it to the background.  To blog, I went back and felt it all again...that sense that one could almost SEE Josiah in the room, and yet he wasn't.  Such INREDIBLE joy and such a deep, gutter pain of longing for someone who is missing. 

As I was blogging, it seemed a good time to add a photo with Josi to the sidebar of the blog. I ran smack into the fact I didn't want to replace the photo I had updated in Sept is the last one I have of Josiah with Carrie and Liv. It's the small things that can start the waterworks. In the end, I added a photo from the day of Josi's birth and left the first one, too. 

I was just finishing the blog when Arielle texted to confirm the dates for dip netting 2024. Josiah and Michael had gone back and forth, and I was instantly there in the conversation again. Josiah saying it was about FAMILY as much as fishing, and it would be o.k. if we didn't get the best tides. He felt the priority was to span a weekend so adult working Gherkins could join for a bit even if they didn't come down for the whole 5 days. Such wisdom.  It made me cry to think of dip-netting on the Kenai without Josiah...and yet, it makes me happy to carry on the tradition with those who are ready to do so. 

I finally just went and jumped on the treadmill. I didn't feel a lot better after the 2.75 miles...but it was time to shower and run to a local cafe. 

I've not seen Jennifer to sit down and talk for at least four months. It was great to catch up. We could have used a bit more time. 

The girls were already gone for their college class when I returned home. Actually, Stacia had gone to a class in the a.m. and then gone on to a local recreational area to ski. They met back at college for their evening class.  Michael and I threw something together for dinner here at the house. He had purchased some prepared meals for nights when I was at Grief Group. We pulled the last one out for tonight. 

I'm drained tonight. Lots of emotions to sort through and that exhausts me. GG is busy working on a puzzle. Michael is reading. I plan to join him as soon as I hit "publish" on the blog. 


1. I'm thankful I found TWO JUMBO egg cartons in my stash. These are the eggs over 2.5 ounces the girls gave us today.  It's the simple pleasures. LOL 

2. I'm so thankful CoRielle were able to book a cabin at the RV campground we stay at while dip-netting. 

3. Tea with a dear friend. 

4. 2.75 miles towards my March goal of 50 miles of walking.