You Don't Just Lose Someone Once

You lose them over and over, 

sometimes in the same day. 

When the loss, momentarily forgotten, 

creeps up,

and attacks you from behind. 

Fresh waves of grief as the realization hits home,

they are gone. 

Again. 

You don't just lose someone once,

you lose them every time you open your eyes to a new dawn,

and as you awake,

so does your memory,

so does the jolting bolt of lightning that rips into your heart, 

they are gone. *

Again. 

Losing someone is a journey,

not a one-off.

There is no end to the loss,

there is only a learned skill on how to stay afloat,

when it washes over.

Be kind to those who are sailing this stormy sea,

they have a journey ahead of them,

and a daily shock to the system each time they realize, 

they are gone.

Again. 

You don't just lose someone once,

you lose them every day,

for a lifetime. 

C Donna Ashworth 

Thanks to Robin for sharing this poem with me. Yes! It's so good. 

*THIS waking up is what I've tried to describe...each day realizing anew the loss.  THIS is what pushes me to the bathroom where I cannot come out to face another day of grief until I am assured that God is truly with me NOW...my oft repeated prayer,

Immanuel -

Walk with us,

Full of grace and truth (Jn 1:14)

Mostly Grace Notes

 Shew. 

I do not appreciate the customer service at Dad's Dr.'s now that a new company took over his former doctor's practice. We waited an hour beyond our appointment time to go back to a room. However, the labs were great. She says Dad's diabetes is under "superb control." I fear he heard, "You don't have diabetes now." ::snort:: Everything looked so good he doesn't have to go back for 6 months. 

That's been the big accomplishment of the day...getting to the appointment 15 minutes early, waiting 1 hour and 15 minutes to go back and then having an appointment. 

We are ready to settle in for the night. 

GRACE NOTES: 

1. Reading a secular book on grieving that is written plainly and contains much sense, without the spiritualizing which can lead to guilt that one can't just "surrender it to God and move on." 

2. A wonderful neighbor, Linda, who brought our food co-op order to her house for us to pick up.  Dad's appointment set us way behind to get our things picked up and I was thankful she had offered earlier in the day. 

3. I am thankful we had gifts cards from Scott and Rachel and were able to stop at Panda Express for dinner.