Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Jamin's Book Critique - Excitement of our Day

I've mentioned that Jamin has joined the Christian Writer's Guild. He is part of their squire program and has assignments that he has to turn into a mentor. The mentor has been tough - nice but tough. She keeps telling him to "dig deeper". I find it hilarious. Jamin has found it frustrating. She has never really said, "good job"....always more like "when we ask a question we expect you to write fully on the topic". In Jamin's defense, I've NEVER used a formal writing program with any consistency. He's used to writing as concisely as possible for history etc. I haven't given them "story starters" or expected them to "write a sentence on...."...so this is all new to him to have them say "write a line from a teen magazine." This one perplexed us. He'd never READ a teen magazine. He took a stab at it, rather than going to find one to read to see what authors write like in teen magazines. She wasn't impressed and told him to research teen magazines. ::snort:: He's been online trying to understand "teen magazines" and told me tonight that he thinks I'm going to have to go buy a teen magazine or two because he isn't "getting it".

OK that's ALL background to say that it's been a bit disheartening to LOVE to write, and have this mentor telling you that you can't write a sentence to her satisfaction on a fairly routine basis. I think he was beginning to wonder what the critique service would say about his book. I was wondering.

We sent the first 6 pages of his book to their critique service. They remove your name and all personal info about you and the rater. They send back a critique that is very helpful and "unbiased". *I* feel like sending it on to his mentor! LOL I'm not sure where we go from here, but Jamin got his critique for the 6 pages of his book today. They were able to tell the category, the overview and such accurately. The person reading the script is not told if the author is a teen, part of the guild etc.

They told him to watch the details. They gave several examples where he didn't have them nailed...and we laughed. We've all read it and never caught these and they are SO obvious. I think he'll need some new eyes to read the story for him. They also talked to him about his "inappropriate interjection of the omniscient narrator" and that it destroyed the "illusion you've so ably built. It's as if Capt. Jack Sparrow were to lok at the audience from the movie screen and say "You and I both know I'm really an overpaid actor named Johnny Depp." ::snort:: I've told all the boys this repeatedly....and the reviewer got the point across so well "keep yourself out of your story!" I think they'll remember now! They also mentioned that he needs to watch his homonyms.

Those were the ONLY bad things they had to say. Here are some of my favorite quotes from the rest of the critique:

"Your writing has an excellent internal rhythm that is in keeping with your story. It flows naturally and gracefully."

"You've done an exceptional job of making your characters believable and likable with a minimum of words. Your style is spare and thoughtful. You make each word work for you to create a vivid picture in readers' imagination."

"You have tremendous potential as a writer and storyteller. I hope you'll continue with this story - it promises to be a good one - and keep working to hone the already sizable writing gift you have."

I had gotten him a book titled, *The First Five Pages: A Writer's Guide to Staying Out of the Rejection Pile* by Noah Lukeman. He used that to rewrite the first 6 pages over and over. He's in the process of reworking the entire 350+ pages this way.

We're still praying and researching the next step. I do believe that the program with the guild will be good for him. He needs to sharpen his skills and being told WHAT to write and WHEN is good for him. ::snort:: I told him this is what most writing programs are like....we simply haven't used programs. The book he has written is fantasy and really isn't Christian fantasy so I don't know that the guild will be a lot of help to him in finding a publisher. I don't think he's interested in "tacking in the gospel" to make it Christian....but the world view is Christian. LOL
Tuesday

~Josiah was told not to come to work. Chick Fil A was still without water. He took the everyone out to buy my gifts.

~I baked banana muffins. I meant to do bread too...but this boiling water thing for dishes slowed me down.

~My neighbor came down to visit a bit - that was fun. She brought down some Mary K products that arrived much sooner than expected.

~Josiah got called into work - the water was on.

~I went to Family Christian store to buy devotionals for everyone....they didn't have 4 of the ones I needed...and no dinosaur books at all. I came home and ordered them all at amazon.com where I'm guaranteed they'll be here in 2 days and I don't have to pay taxes.

~I went to Target to pick up bags to wrap a few items.

~I can't remember what else I did - but I was busy.

~We read two more chapters of Tabitha and Josiah came in while we read. Chick Fil A is closed down again - no water again. ARGH. This is really going to hurt those college students who have their paychecks budgeted to the penny.
Water Update...

My Mom is so funny. She sent this photo my way this a.m. It is APPROPRIATE for our last few days. ::snort::We still have water - they are still working on the lines so we are prepared to loose it again. We have to boil all tap water - and believe me you can tell THAT without a public health notice at my house! Josiah filled several old detergent buckets with water and my tub is full. Since they are still working on this section of town.... and will be for 3 - 5 days....who knows if it will go out again. I'm betting the city council is going to decide to pay for upgrades afterall. It turns out that the soil was all that was holding the pipes together. When they dug to repair leaks, moved the dirt and whammo!!

Josiah isn't working again today. Chick Fil A had water and then didn't...they are near us. This is 15 hours off work - first time he's had 3 days off in a row in months and months.

Does anyone know if a reverse osmosis, under the sink unit, would be fine for drinking even if the water going into it is supposed to be boiled? Does that question make sense? I'm wondering if we can drink the water from our filter....

I'm wondering if I'll be like my grams....93 years young and doing things that make my family go "hmmm". I wonder if I'll always keep a tub full of water from here on out "just in case" and if my grandkids will say "Poor grams, she was marked for life by growing up without plumbing as a missionary kid." Just thoughts I'm having....
TEA TIME...

My package from the English Tea Store arrived. My TandH vanilla tea is here...but I'm really enjoying the Davidson's Classic Spice Chai tea these days. {G}
Here, Arielle displays the new 2 C tea pots that we ordered. We love them. I used the plum one for my tea this a.m. Arielle made a pot of hot chocolate. I think I'll fix one of these up with some tea for the last white elephant gift I need this season. LOL
Package from Grandma and Grandpa!

We recieved anothe package from OR yesterday. Cool! Ooops - WICKED! ::snort:: My mom is a bargain hunter. There were ornaments for Bre and Krista - and I'm sure they would have missed them, mom. Mom buys everyone a new ornament each year. There was a coca-cola pitcher - Mom knows that Bre and I are into antiques and this fits the bill.
This "purple t-rex" is a hit with Zander. He has no clue who Barney is but we've all been hearing about the various hats that Barney will wear when he grows up.
I love snowmen and Mom sent this mug....darling....
But when I went to wash it I found this note on the bottom. Are you trying to say something, Mom? ::snort::
Parenting Tip of the Week: Leave them where they drop
Happy Birthday Jesus

One tradition that we've been blessed to share, without having to do all the work, is a birthday party for Jesus. The RE departments where we've been for the past 4 - 6 years have done this. I planned to do it this year as our children enjoy it - but all my notes, recipes etc are on the crashed computer....and now I realize that we're so far into the season it may be hard to find a day when others could join us. But if I can't pull it off for a big group this year - we'll do family this year and a big party for all next year. I'll plan it for early in the season. LOL

When I think of all the time folks spend on children's birthday parties, I think we could do the same for Jesus. I have the recipe for the cake and story that goes along with it....colors, shapes, as you explain the cake to the children it tells the whole gospel story.... we have everyone bring a gift for Jesus to be donated to a local group. It's tons of fun.....

If we lived on base, I'd do like our friend Julie did in AK, and invite everyone over before the Christmas Eve Chapel service.....but I'm simply not sure how to fit this in now. I suppose it doesn't have to be during December...we COULD do a party whenever we choose to.....Hmmm...all ya'll locals beware you may get an invite to a birthday party for Jesus in March or April. ::snort:: Anyway - I plan to find the directions and such and make the cake and at least have a family celebration.....
FEAST PIG
I was coming in to send a quick note about this idea. I thought I should look quickly for a picture of a piggy bank. I checked email and had received an email from Mom with this photo. What a hoot. Not exactly the photo I was looking for but timely for the season. ::snort::
In our studying of symbols we talked about various giving. We came across a description in several places. All attribute this to "old England" - maybe Dorothy can let us know if she's ever heard of this. LOL Supposedly, it was practice to begin filling a pig with coins after Christmas. This would be broken open the following year and the money given to charity. From this we get our "piggy banks". We have been thinking about how to implement the feast pig in our home. I need to go back and read how Emily and her family do this. I loved the idea when I first read it there, have done something similar in year's past....then read about feast pigs and decided we really need to do this.
I began looking for a ceramic pig we could "break" open but then decided separating glass and coins may not be a fun task. Anyway - in some shape or form we are going to implement the tradition of the feast pig in our home. We'll save change all year and then donate it next December. I'm thinking that it would fit nicely into our Happy Birthday Jesus Party.
DARSHIA & KRISTINE

This note is especially for my "Elmendorf" women who read the blog...and I wanted to be sure you saw it.

Kristina (remember from Tues Eve study) is now stationed at Fairchild. She went to church one Sunday night and happened to go to the one where the girls attend and are doing Master's Commission. Small world? What fun for her and them to reconnect in a new location. She said they looked good and Bre - well you know how Bre and her worship thing is - she's in her element - none of them care a bit. LOL
WE HAVE WATER!!! LOTS of pressure.

It's raining and they've been warning that rain after a "prolonged drought" can cause these problems....but since we HAD them and now have new pipes I'm thinking we're good to go.

I'm going to go attempt a bike ride. I wasn't going to because it is cold and raining but I'm so close to that 500 mark...... Thanks for all the prayers and laughter!