Courageous Joy

WHERE’S THE GRACE????

Yes, I continue to work through a Bible study that is giving me lots to think about. There are many things that I AGREE with and many things I DISAGREE with in the study. I’m determined to finish it. I don’t think it is wise to only do studies written by our “favorite” authors – so I’ve deliberately chosen to read some books and do some studies from those who are in other camps than I (theologically, philosophically etc).

As I worked through the study today we began to hit “child training and discipline”. Please note that I am currently doing a personal study on this issue to write out in ONE PLACE all the precepts that God has taught us about child rearing over the years (children now range from 1 – 21). My thoughts and comments stem from far more than one simple chapter in the study I’m trying to complete. {g} I’ve not read a lot of parenting books (until recently) and never have a good answer when someone says “HOW do you raise children like yours”? I want to be able to say “here are the principles that guided us”. LOL

A few thoughts I’ll share at this point. Many Christians would NOT train their puppies with the harshness that these authors tell us are “God’s ways and God’s methods”. BTW I’ve not read Ezzo so he is not the only one out there professing to have “God’s way” down to a science. Here’s a comment that leapt at me “It is wise to have a rod especially for discipline. Your hands should be kept for loving and caressing.” Hmmm….well I’m studying the ROD and I can tell you right now that the things I am finding are SAID in the Word are not at all how these verses are quoted and applied in many circles. I can also tell you that I’ve not found a verse yet that says the above. This jumped at me because I thought “hmm…..I consider discipline to BE love”. I do not separate the two. If discipline isn’t love – what is it? Shouldn’t my child be able to tell that my discipline is another method of loving him/her? If I fear that my child will think I HATE him then I better evaluate what I’m doing and whether I use a “rod” or my hand will make little difference.

Through all my reading, studying, and discussions a question has begun to ring: WHERE’S THE GRACE? I’m led to believe that if I simply use these God-ordained methods my children will inevitably turn out to be Christian. They will behave. They will love the Lord. They will be righteous. If my child seems to be rebellious or not responding to God I simply need to step up the discipline……My children are reduced to little more than robots. They become Christians because I have TRAINED them to be Christians. Really, they are Christians because they were born into a Christian family. Honestly….is this what we believe? Is my child’s future relationship with God determined by how well I apply the rod (or other training practice)? If they are Christians simply because they were TRAINED to be Christians, aren’t we vulnerable to the claims that we do in fact homeschool to brain wash our children? What happens when they leave home and enter college and are TRAINED to be something other than Christians? Are we really doing nothing more than becoming behavior modification specialists?????

On the other hand, do I simply ignore child training? Do I say that in the end God is sovereign and He will do what He will in my child’s life?

I believe my children are born with a sin nature. They are also born with a free will. They will make choices. They will not “be righteous” solely because of my child training. They will not be “righteous” unless God does a redeeming, marvelous work of grace in their lives. *I* don’t produce righteousness in my child. *I* don’t produce sin in my children. (Get off the couch it wasn't your mom :::snort:::). I partner with God to cultivate the ground of my children's heart. I plant seeds. I pray. I watch. I partner with God to mentor and disciple my children….but in all I know that it will be a work of GRACE that draws them to His side….not my sterling parenting style. He will create Godly character in my children, not I (though I HAVE been accused of creating characters).

Above all I speak to their hearts. Yes, I’d like their behavior to be exemplary…but more than anything I desire for them to love the LORD with all their heart, mind, soul and strength. I desire them to love US as they love themselves. I desire for their lives to show forth God’s character. I desire for them to have integrity and TRUTH in their innermost parts. So…yes….I’d like to focus on behavior….frankly that is easier. BUT I am mindful that when I am gone they must have internalized the principles we’ve taught them. If they haven’t…then all my focus on behavior without heart training/change has led them to be Pharisees. They must know HOW to choose right from wrong and that will only happen as I allow them to make choices. We don’t give a lot of rules around here. We do teach principles. In all our discipline we try to go behind the action/behavior to the principle and then to the character of God.

God’s character will never change. As they love HIM with all their hearts…..they’ll seek to please Him and His character will be their guide far into the years when I’m no longer able to keep a physical eye on them 24/7…..His character will guide them when they run into something that we’ve not specifically addressed…they will know to look for the principle in the Word and to look at God’s character to be their guide. An easy example to illustrate would be a child who tells a lie. I would not simply make a rule…I’d teach them the principle from the word that lying is a sin and that God hates lying lips. Then I’d look to the character of God “God is truth – therefore we don’t lie”. Unkindness – “God is love therefore we show love”. Abortion – “God is life”. Angry harsh words – “God is love, God is life therefore we don’t murder with our tongues”. Premarital sex, “God is holy – therefore we are holy”.

No, I don’t have all the answers. No, our parenting has not been perfect or without sin. However, I KNOW the One who has the answers. I’m not comfortable with formulas that tell me I WILL get x, y and z…if I do a, b and c. These sorts of formulas seem to leave the will of the child and the grace of God out of the equation. One last comforting thought – it’s the GRACE of God that has covered the mistakes in our parenting. We joy in our young adults who love God wholeheartedly – but we know that God has done an awesome work of grace in their hearts. . . it wasn’t simply how we trained them as toddlers. If their future character was based solely on how good we did the parenting thing – it would break my heart. I fail.

There you go – simply one aspect of the question ringing in my spirit over this whole child raising thing…Where's The GRACE?