If one were to look at the photos one would think the day was all about flowers and scones. LOL
At this point it would seem I am not going to have any traditional, yellow sunflowers. There are more buds about to bloom and I'll take the success where I can get it. It's taken me 5 years to successfully grow sunflowers up here.
The highlight of my day was a visit from a young mom and her little one. As we sat and shared, I reflected on how very faithful God has been to transform my character. As a young mom "explosive rage" were words which characterized me. I was insecure and fearful and THAT could not be shown, so I raged and bullied, AND there are quite a lot of hormones associated with being pregnant - which I often was in those days. It's one thing to know God has done a good work, has slowly step by step transformed that aspect of my character, it's another to sit and answer the question HOW - HOW did God lead me out of that mess?
It was good to reflect, and I continue to reflect this morning (Thurs/4th). Believing and internalizing the truths of 1 Cor 10:13 were my launching pad. Believing God is faithful, he DOES provide a way of escape from my temper, and then looking for the escape and choosing it...surrendering to the small voice of the Holy Spirit, the impression to stop when all I wanted to do was explode, vent, wound. God was faithful in providing a husband who gently pointed out the fact I was "harsh" with the children (and everyone else in my circle at that point). Mike helped me see it was possible to change "the way I was." I had to surrender to God's escape plan rather than my desire in the moment. I had to learn to recognize when I was about to give full vent to my flesh and stop. I had to learn how to interact with the children I loved rather than simply bully them into good behavior. It took time...but God knew I would love these kids enough to do the hard work. He knew he would use marriage, parenting, and homeschooling as tools to transform me, to lead me slowly, step by step along the road of holy transformation. I am blessed to have had people along the way who encouraged me to keep surrendering, rather than beat me up for getting it wrong. While God did not make me quiet, demure and passive....I have learned to be passionate is not to give in to fits of explosive rage. This journey of transformation began in earnest when my oldest was a bit older than hers is now...God is faithful. He uses even our past failures to encourage others. I'm NOT where I'd like to be, but praise God I'm certainly NOT where I was.
I shared I am currently wearing a bright pink rubber band on my wrist. It's to remind me not to be impatient. These days I am not prone to explosive fits of rage...but I realize the exaggerated eye roll, the caustic sarcasm, and negative thoughts are finding their way back into my life way too often. I snap myself when I catch myself being impatient with the reality of our lives just now, or entertaining negative thoughts. It's a silly way to be more aware.... and God provided an opportunity during this visit for me to think deeper about HOW his grace showed up in the past and shows up now. It's also progress that fits of rage are not the issue these days...impatient sighs...that's progress.
We brainstormed situations and reactions and I was blessed by the love which motivates my young friends' determination not to stay stuck ...she reminds me of me 35 years ago. Dad is still talking about how he's never had anyone call him "Ma" before. He is smitten big time with her little guy. He sort of thought he was another great grand, but we cleared that up.
The pink accessory on my wrist? I am learning to cheerfully repeat things I've said several times already in a day with grace...because if a person can't remember, they can't remember. My impatience only makes things worse.
And, yes, I DID try Mary Berry's scone recipe...weighing instead of measuring...and they are good. Still not exactly what I want...but yummy. I will use a smaller cutter next time...these got huge and then toppled over. They are flakey and not overly sweet...
They are disappearing from the counter at an alarming pace. I took Stacia to youth group and promptly fell asleep in the car for 90 minutes. I guess that was needed.
While the day could be summarized as slow...filled with flowers and scones...it actually had potential for kingdom impact in my life and the life of others. It had an element of community, iron sharpening iron, and isn't that what community is about?