In Which I Turn 50....

I will at some point write something profound about turning fifty. At this point....let me simply share some photos. I've already shared that the day dawned with me firmly in my funk.  Funk, or not, I knew my family had invested a lot of time in this day and I needed to snap out of it. ::grin::

Michael got home from work and we headed over to Papa Murphys. This gave me time to process with him and it actually helped.  I've been working on learning to process internally with God and journal, rather than blurting out every thought I have. We can both see I will need some practice at this skill. I process better out loud -  with someone to pull me back from the depths of self-flagellation.

We got home and I could see the kids had been busy! 

Arielle knit this fun scarf for me. Here I demonstrate how to fling an end over your shoulder and nail it there with a look. It wouldn't dare move.

Michael got me a jewelry box which I didn't really think I needed....but it was loaded...with this long strand of pearls....

and a smaller strand as well. (Both seen in the photo below). 

Stacia has gotten into paining and blessed me with many (blog on that to come).  The girls also gave me a sweet card with thoughts on onsens and pedicures and a pedicure kit. Stacia made me the bracelet you see me wearing. Arielle purchased a white shirt she plans to Tie Dye. 

Nolan got me "Si-cology." 

Zander (Alex) got me a GREAT card with a song titled Amazing Mother to the tune of Amazing Grace (sort of fitting for this season of my life LOL)....He bought this cup which says sweet things about Teachers on it. 

Can you just SEE our resident theologian is over-the-moon-thrilled to be able to turn my "over 50" jokes and comforting comments back on me?

Arielle made this vegan "ice cream" cake. She use a deep dish cookie for the crust, topped it with Banana Cashew Ice Cream and a "drizzle" of chocolate. I had requested we minimize the chocolate, please.  For some reason it was a BEAR to cut. She had crumbled the cookie but it still froze in a block and didn't want to thaw. Next time we'll make a graham cracker or vanilla wafer crust...unless I'm eating chocolate in moderation by next year. At this point I can't find moderation in my relationship with Chocolate - so I don't eat it. 

The poor Pig Hat is wearing out - maybe this would work? 

It turned out to be a great day...and really....I do think I will love being 50....but  more on that later.

Choosing Joy!
©2013 D.R.G.
~Coram Deo~
Living all of life before the face of God...

Wedding Fingers?

Three weeks until "our wedding." Could this be the wedding finger look? We played around with the manicure sets BreAnne gave Arielle for Christmas.....no not wedding fingers.....

Cupcake Fingers me thinks

Alas, these didn't even last an evening. The girls reported the little pearls fell off as they wrapped gifts and decorated the house. As for me, I wiped a tear and got a pearl in my eye.  I found pearls in my ear, my mouth....not a look we enjoy....maybe just a FEW pearls here and there....though we followed the directions to "T".

Choosing Joy!
©2013 D.R.G.
~Coram Deo~
Living all of life before the face of God...

I'm a Mess

I'm a mess. I fail in the very places I most want to succeed. I'm a big, huge, sticky, hot mess.

"Faithful are the wounds of a friend".... I was wounded - I needed it; I deserved it. I couldn't, however, seem to get out of the pit I visited. I've been struggling. Sleepless nights, crying, restless...quoting the truth to myself, yet not living it, feeling it.

Along comes a birthday.  I don't have the energy to put on a smiling face and open gifts. I had planned to be perfect by 50. I wanted to be like Mildred, a dear saint I met in my 20's. I had planned to have conquered these areas by now. Certainly, 1/2 a century would be long enough for me to get it right.  I'm a mess. I fail - often and spectacularly - recently, continually (you know -  like the Greek present verb tense). I'm grieving and I don't want to celebrate. I don't have the energy to celebrate.

The family wants to celebrate.

"Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted." I have mourned deeply. Forgiveness was asked for and granted; yet I mourned.

I began grudgingly reading birthday wishes. Each one reminding me I'm not where I want to be at 50. As tears stream down my face,  I want to scream, "Stop! I've told you I'm a mess! I'm a failure! Don't say these things! I TOLD YOU NOT TO PUT ME ON A PEDESTAL."

But then I realize - you must see Jesus. The only way this mess could be anything like what you see is Jesus. I learn anew to  throw myself on grace. I experience the sin of unbelief which would say they can forgive, God can forgive - but *I* will not forgive myself. *I* will hold myself to a standard higher than God's. Foolishness.

Your words were a healing balm today on Facebook (and then I wonder if I'm still such a pathetic people pleaser that it takes wishes from over 160 friends to get me out of my funk). ::snort::  God has used your kind words to begin to comfort....to remind me that it's ALWAYS about His redemption, His transforming work in my life....and never about a magical age when I'll be perfect!  That was, afterall, the lesson Mildred taught us...to press on to know Jesus more every day of our lives.

 Our resident theologian has told me this is an example of progressive revelation. I couldn't handle it if I saw my real self all at once. God gives me glimpses and I am undone. But I grow. I am transformed. He said Isaiah experienced this. I suppose this is true...progressive revelations of His holiness and my humanness.....

Choosing Joy!
©2013 D.R.G.
~Coram Deo~
Living all of life before the face of God...

We tried

We finally did it - took the "arriving" photo....

Matane, Nihon 

Hello, America

Um - the memories were faulty and they are not in the right order, so we'll have to go to the beach again - with the right clothes and do it in the right order. 

Choosing Joy!
©2013 D.R.G.
~Coram Deo~
Living all of life before the face of God...

Funny sign

There has been a bit of discussion about CA's new bathroom laws...you know the gender neutral ones? Choose which one you want to go into?  We saw this sign on our way home and it's now all clear!

Not sure you can see it clearly.... These helpful signs spell it all out 

Pee

Poop

You thought I would quit finding funny signs when I got back to America.

Choosing Joy!
©2013 D.R.G.
~Coram Deo~
Living all of life before the face of God...

Enderts Beach - Crescent City 2014

A new friend here at Beale, April, encouraged us to check out Enderts Beach while we were in Crescent City. We did this time and plan to come back when we have more time to explore. There's a primitive "campground," six mile coastal trail to hike and just FUN.

This is probably the last time I mention cameras - I think these show off both cameras well. I suspect the D3200 photos will get better as I learn more about ISO's and features and read the manual.

Michael's Photos

I did get to take a couple of photos with his fancy camera - terror to see it in my hands! 

In the Hobbit Shire

And...why the expression Ms. Stacia

Arielle is not mad. She was looking into the ocean on our walk back UP the trail. As Stacia said, "Arielle has Misawa in her eyes."  It's o.k. we are content in CA. Our hearts long to be back in Japan. We pray for revival in Japan and the opportunity to introduce dear Japanese friends to Jesus.

My Photos (De'Etta)

Perplexing....I could swear Yuuki was behind me on a leash...but here she is running free...wait...this Yuuki is much more aggressive....and is a he...this is Jake.

The sun was setting as we left Enderts Beach  and Michael snapped some shots. 

 We received a text from Mom G. She'd lost a shoe in the parking lot of Chart Room. We stopped by to grab it. Michael grabbed a couple last shots. 

We finished the night sharing stories of Dad G while we looked through an album Mom G is making of his life. A very full and meaningful day.

Choosing Joy!
©2013 D.R.G.
~Coram Deo~
Living all of life before the face of God...

Sea Lions - Crescent City 2014

There have been various seafood restaurants which have been Gherkin favorites through the years.  Dad and Mom G used to always take us to Chart Room. They moved on to The Grotto and The Beachcomber....

Stacia mentioned sometime in the past weeks she had never seen a sea lion for "real." What she meant is that they'd always been in aquariums. We're Oregonians. I grew up seeing seals and sea lions in the "wild." We've taken kids to the coast numerous times and to Crescent City and always seen them. BUT we've been in Japan for over 1/2 of Stacia's life. She was right.  

We asked Mom G if the seals and sea lions still played by the Chart Room. She brightened up and said there are so many that they've closed part of the parking lot now. We all went for lunch. 

We found sea lions

Nikon D3200

We had a bit of a wait as we wanted to wait for a window seat. Well.....I probably would have caved and gone for a seat in the middle of the room but Mom G suggested we wait...and she was RIGHT. It was worth the wait.  There was so much to watch as we ate.....

And we noticed....someone shooting off a net gun....people with signs approaching...we wondered if it were PETA but no, it was North Coast Marine Mammal center on a rescue.  We stayed and watched for a long time. They never succeeded...but the kids got their fill of sea lions. 

Ah - this is the life....

Nikon D610

This black one has a net or fishing line around his neck. As he grows it cuts into his skin and restricts his breathing as well as ability to eat.

Nikon D 610

This team patiently crept up the jetty over and over...we left before they were able to catch him. The other sea lions seemed to KNOW what they were up to and kept getting between him and the people....

Between the two of us we took over 100 photos.....we were asked to send photos to the center...I need to do that.....when I get "caught up." 

Totally satisfied with the sea lion outing....

Choosing Joy!
©2013 D.R.G.
~Coram Deo~
Living all of life before the face of God...