Busy Weekend

I slept over at Carrie's on Friday night. This put me in place to be able to hang out with the girls on Saturday while Carrie worked. Ellie, one of their cousins, slept over as well. Josi was up way before Livie and Ellie.  Josi has learned many new tricks since the last time I watched her. She can hold her own bottle, sits alone, enjoys her toys, talks non-stop, scoots around the living room...we had fun. 

Uncle Jared stopped by as he was out knocking on doors. 

The electrician came over Saturday and put in the boxes and hooked everything up. We still need completed railings and steps on the deck...but it's getting closer. Michael had the hot tub full of water and heating...it will be nice to have electricity outside. 

Jamin came over after church to help us figure out all the chemicals and the app for monitoring levels of this and that. It was NOT that long ago Michael, and I were showing our parents how to use computers et al... how quickly the tables turn! We were glad to have Jamin show us the wifi booster and app. Larissa routinely helps us with our IT needs. 

I was TRYING to follow it all!

Jamin & Michael 

Stacia and Allie

Carrie and the girls @Trunk or Treat @ ACF.

Liv as a Stanley Cup 📷by Carrie

Today is Larissa's birthday! What a blessing she is to all of us! She, Jared and Noah also went to Trunk or Treat. 

Noah & the Chick Fil A Crew 📷by Larissa

Noah and Jared📷by Larissa

Jared, Larissa & Noah 📷by Larissa

📷by Larissa

Yes, we DID enjoy the hot tub...crisp 21*, shooting stars and WARMTH. 

GRACE NOTES:

1. Time with the girls...

2. Church. 

3. Hot tub.  

A Fun Friday

The girls and I went out and scattered some RANDOM kindness around our town this morning. Neither had had time yet...and I realized most of what we'd done was targeted. It would be nice to just fling things out there for whoever....We didn't have the emotional energy to risk having to tell the story over and over and so we hit on parking lots. Yes, I will add a QR code with the story to the card by next year. While I went into the lawyers Stacia hit the Papa Murphy parking lot. We headed over to the Urgent Care next and finished at Bishop's Attic. That was my favorite - we left gift cards on every windshield.

We ran out of packets and headed home. Allie was ready for a study break, so we grabbed all the other made-up packets and headed out again. This time we went to the library and parking lot of the Old Alaska Club. 

This was a great pick me up. It was fun to give things to targeted people too. Stacia shared how this was something Josiah would have loved to do with us...and we could imagine his voice and comments. We dubbed ourselves the Kindness Bandits. 

In other events...Krista came over and spent the day yesterday. We did a fair amount of visiting while practicing "art therapy." Michael wanted to move the hot tub...we all tried to help him. It was frozen. Finally he rigged up chains, levers, pullies and he and Krista got it moved. 

Ellie turned 7 months old....

The electrician arrived and put cable in the trench Michael had dug. He didn't put boxes or plugs deckside yet - but it's coming. 

"Bright" and early this morning I heard Cory outside. He came to fill in the electrical trench. I didn't realize the boys were here until I went outside to let the chickens out. This is Clancy (or Gimpy) our pet chicken. She's walking much better, but the others have rejected her. She isn't fast enough to escape them. 

They came inside for some orange juice and toast....and a visit with me and Millie. 

I'm heading into Eagle River for a sleep over with Carrie and the girls. I'll hang out with the girls tomorrow while Carrie works. 

GRACE NOTES:

1. Time with Allie and Stacia. 

2. Cory's young back and kind heart.  

Super Fly Cy the Chick Fil A Guy

 Anyone who knew Josiah knew he loved Chick Fil A. Chick Fil A was the first job he had. He learned great management skills at the company, he mentored many, and developed into the leader and man he would be as he worked at Chick Fil A.  He moved from TX to Seattle, WA to be part of the start up there. One of his biggest disappointments was not making it into being an Owner/Operator for Chick Fil A. BUT - if he had he would never have moved to Alaska, met Carrie and Livie and we wouldn't have had the wonderful opportunity of living in the same location!!!! God knew. 

Alaska, in fact, seemed to be the one thing he loved more than the dream of Chick Fil A back in 2016.  As we put together candy packets last Saturday someone mentioned (Larissa?, Jamin?) that it was too bad we couldn't find a way to give away Chick Fil A sandwiches in Josiah's honor this week. I agreed. Then I had a lightbulb moment. 

Our boys and our friends 2 boys became best buds back in San Angelo, TX. In fact, Debbie called them the Fab 5. When we moved and left Josiah and Jamin behind, Debbie and Steve were pivotal in providing "family" for the boys. Josiah was older than Steven and Michel, but he always reached out to them and loved spending time with them. When Michel was a junior, Josiah convinced him to work at the store he managed. Years went on, Michael became an owner operator of Chick Fil A. He currently owns a Chick Fil A in Little Rock, Arkansas. The Fab 5 continued to meet even after they all began moving from San Angelo. There were trips to FL, HI, AK...weddings... there are better photos - but here's one I can easily put my hands on.  This was taken when the boys and Steve and Debbie came up for Josiah's wedding. 

Steven, Michel, Jared, Josiah, Jamin 

It was a natural to reach out to Michel. I was so glad the idea was mentioned. I contacted Michel and Alyse, and they were on board.  They went in on it with us and we catered a mentoring workshop for teens. How perfect is THAT in Josiah's memory?  Here is Michel sharing a bit last night. 

They passed out the chicken sandwiches and a copy of the card Larissa created for us to use with our acts of kindness. 

Alyse & Michel

They sent a darling photo which is precious to me of them and their 8 kids in flannel each holding a photo card.  We won't post the photo of the kids online - I'm not sure the adoption is final.  In the past year I've heard many stories of young men (mostly) sharing how Josiah mentored them at a time when they felt pretty low and then got them a job...at Chick Fil A, Walmart, and his final employer.  Mentoring was a core value for Josiah. 

If any of you are ever in the Chick Fil A in Little Rock - stop by and tell them we sent you. ::wink:: 

GRACE NOTES: 

1. Friends that remember and love Josiah. 

2. More art therapy with Krista. 

That First Anniversary

 Honestly, we made the best of it we could, put the best face on it possible, but Oct 23rd is going to be our least favorite day of the year. I'm thankful to have this first anniversary in the rear-view mirror. This day could generate about 6 blog posts and I'm not sure how I'm going to divide it all up. Let's see...

We ALL had a hard time sleeping on Tuesday night.   Early on Wednesday the doorbell rang. Walmart delivery. Someone had sent us an assortment of juices, blueberry muffins and apple fritters (Josiah's favorite).  It wasn't long before 10 smoothie bowls from a local spot were also delivered. The texts, emails, breakfast items were totally unexpected. You all are the best. 

Since I was up before the sun - not a hard thing this time of year - I decided to head over to the cemetery. I knew the day would be bustling and I knew I needed some quiet time. It began to snow as I drove up...I was not deterred. I sat on my blanket beside Josiah's grave, in the snow and waited for a spectacular sunrise. Um...what a dud! I guess you don't get spectacular sunrises when it's snowing?  It was so foggy the big mountains disappeared. 

The glass vase had frozen. The red flowers had to be retrieved again. I chased them into the neighbor's yard... I briefly thought how nice it would be when Josiah's memorial stone finally arrived. 

I did enjoy processing in the snow with a nice big mug of tea! 

I knew others would be arriving at our house and so I went home. I thought GG would be up and have had breakfast. It was after 10 a.m. I got home to a quiet house. Allie was gone. She had gone to the cemetery to find me. We passed each other. I got GG up and fed.   Krista and Nolan each stopped at the cemetery and then arrived at our house. 

Krista brought "art therapy." I have failed at "Lego therapy" but today she had a bit of everything for everyone. Michael got up and delivered packets to the police department and chiropractor's office. Stacia got up and visited the cemetery. Arielle arrived with coloring pages. 

Bre and the kids passed out packets at the local pool, a carwash and a parking lot. Arielle and kids covered story hour at the Train Depot. 

Bella, Jojo, Trudy, Annie, Gideon 📷by Bre

📷by Bre

Meanwhile Stacia received a surprise at the cemetery. She noted all the things were pushed aside. There were two people hovering over Josiah's space. She was ready to deal with this indignity...and then she discovered they were installing Josiah's memorial stone. She texted and Michael and I went out to see it. 

We were honored when Carrie asked us to do the research on which cemetery to use, she asked only it be in our town and have a view of Pioneer Peak.  When I narrowed it down, Michael, Carrie and I met with the employees and selected a space. Then we drove into Anchorage and collaborated on the memorial stone we'd like. We wanted it to tell a bit of the story of who Josiah was and how he lived.  I think we succeeded. 

The vase means my times of chasing flowers across the gardens will most likely be far less often.  It has all the typical features...but it has a heart shape in honor of Liv, "Super Fly Cy" as that was a name Josiah always joked about being known by and a name he convinced Livie to call him, the photo is great, the etching is from a photo of him fishing.... and the verse...I think we got it all on there. Michael is still shaking his head and how much Carrie, and I managed to fit onto the stone. LOL 

We let Carrie, and others, know the stone was in so they wouldn't be surprised as Stacia was. We hadn't been told it had arrived. I think they noted the date and made it happen. What a nice surprise on a hard day.  The visiting continued at the house....Carrie and the girls stopped at the cemetery and then came to the house. 

Josi and Liv 

📷by Carrie

Josiah's Girls 📷by Carrie

They just got home from their Florida adventures, and it was so good to see them. 

Bachan and Ellie

Arielle had come over solo in the morning. Cory arrived with the boys about the time Carrie and the girls arrived. 

Danny, Josi and Arielle

Allie, Stacia and Livie had the first snowball fight of the season. 

Charles, Danny & Papa

Jared and Jamin arrived. We had sandwiches, visited and were just together. Some went on walks. Bre arrived and then took kids to AWANA and then came back for another bit. 

Carrie, Jamin, Arielle, Cory, Jared and kids 

Jamin & Ellie

Jared & Josi - 📷by Carrie

During this time Jared received word from the Regional Directory of Josiah's previous employer. He sent a copy of the letter he sent to associates telling them they could wear jeans and flannel to work on the 23rd and that they were giving everyone the day off after 4 p.m. He also said some very nice things about Josiah and shared a slide announcing the renaming of the conference room at their regional office. 

It was a good day. I was deeply touched by how many have offered acts of kindness in Josiah's memory, how many reached out to say they were touched by Josiah's life and miss him still. 

We didn't share memories or talk about Josiah a lot today...we simply were together as we walked through another difficult day. A couple of us prefer processing solo and that was o.k. too!  It was hard good. 

GRACE NOTES:

1. We are still standing one year later. 

2. Having so many in one place was a blessing this year. 

Today...

Late last night I learned a lesson. ASK FOR HELP. My hand was cramping when I finally asked Michael if he would be willing to help me punch holes in photos. He took the whole stack....look at this! 

I was able to finish tagging the candy which was already bagged. 

I went into town and spread some kindness....and picked up groceries and Dad's meds. I dropped off candy at the pharmacy, the library, a diner and the hair salon. 

Carrie, the girls, Krista and Luke all arrived back in state last night or early this morning. Luke and Krista needed to pick up their fur babies. Krista stopped here with Nuska, while Luke went further up the hwy to pick up Reno. Michael and Krista looked over the possibilities for her upcoming assignment. They will be moving June 2025. This new system allows a person to bid for positions they would like and then the Wing Chaplains bid on those who they see they would like to have....we'll see if it matches up better than the old Dream Sheets. ::snort:: 

Allie and Stacia did homework. 

Stacia dropped off mugs of kindness at the college. She found this harder than expected. She decided she didn't want to eat dinner at the college with the mugs staring at her. Mike, me, GG, Nolan, Luke and Krista met her for dinner in town. She then headed back to class. Her prof had taken a mug and told her she was free to leave whenever she'd like too. She opted to come home. 

We're hearing of random kindness others are doing in memory of Josiah - and it makes me smile! 

GG is slowing down. Michael is catching up on youtube. The girls and I are going to catch an episode of Gilmore Girls.  

Tomorrow will be another hard day. 

GRACE NOTES:

1. All our travelers are home safe. 

2. It was fun to pour over the assignments list with Krista and later Luke. 

You Can Cry in Your Sleep and Other Things We Learned This Year

 As we reflect on the past year, here are some of the things we have learned or know in a deeper way -  random reflections from the first year of grief.

• You can cry in your sleep. 
• All grief is hard.
• God welcomes ruthless honesty - and my relationship with him deepens when I trust Him enough to be honest with Him about my emotions. 
• We've lost parents - losing a child is a new kind of hard. 
• Losing a loved one to homicide leads to "complicated grief." 
• Grief is not something to "walk through." It is, instead, something which becomes a part of you, as you walk with it into the new normal. 
• God is WITH us - always. 
• Worship is essential! Worship changes our perspective and strengthens our soul. 
•  Since we believe loved ones will be worshipping in heaven, worship is something I can still do with Josiah. 
• Catching the criminal is not the end of the journey to justice. 
• The legal system is not at all like you see on TV. 
• Some people will try to "fix you," encourage you to get back to "normal," and leave when they can't accept the change you are walking through. 
• People get busy and move on. 
• You will most likely be hyper-focused on your loss. Others will get distracted. 
• Other people will step close and simply "sit in the ashes," with you. Hang on to these people. 
• People will say horrible, hurtful, unhelpful things - usually they mean well. 
• Most Bible stories have a human element we tend to gloss over. Yes, God blessed Job and Naomi, but they carried their losses their whole lives. I understand more (still not fully) the pain of a Father watching a son be tortured and killed. I understand Jonah's struggle at praying for mercy and being used to share the good news with his enemies. 
• Counseling is helpful. 
• People like to be comfortable - this can lead to wanting a comfortable faith - all the answers. We have wrestled, and still wrestle, with many issues of faith.  This is too much for many. 
• We have lost the ability to chit chat for more than about 5 minutes. This is uncomfortable for many. 
• We, and our faith, are uncomfortable for many. 
• Cliches and platitudes - Christian or secular - are not helpful.
• This family is strong. We can do hard things. We also, have little choice. It's this or...
• You will think you CANNOT live another day - you will. 
• You don't know what you don't know until you walk through deep darkness. 
• I wish we had known what we know now earlier...but then what would it have taken to get there...
• I prayed to have His heart and He allowed mine to be  broken.  What does that say about His heart?

This is not a complete list. 

It's Flannel Monday

It's been a full year of Flannel Mondays. 

Oct 21, 2023 is the last day Mike and I saw Josiah. Last year it was a Saturday, and we'd gathered to celebrate Larissa, Carrie and Charles' birthday - and to be together. 

Wednesday will be one year since the unthinkable happened and Josiah was murdered while at work. We've learned much in this year. We've been shaken. We've had some heartbreaking secondary losses; but we're still standing! We are seeking to turn our attention outward. Obviously, the natural inclination is to turn inward and there's a lot of that too. In the midst of the grief over evil cruelty we want to focus on extending kindness, gratitude and grace. Motivated by Josiah's memory, and the love of God which shined through his life, we plan to commit random acts of kindness in his memory throughout the week. 

As Michael and I talked over how we wanted to journey through this week, we looked for ways for us to be together, space for those who want to be alone, and ways for the grands to be a part of the week - but not overwhelmed by our emotions. My eyes have been leaking off and, on all day,...receiving this photo from Arielle made me smile.  The boys were excited to pass out their gifts at therapy today...and at the park too. Yes, this is a good focus for us. 

📷by Arielle

I think we'll show photos throughout the week of random kindness given in honor of Josiah's memory. These are the sorts of things we usually keep secret and off the blog...but since this is in remembrance of Josiah - it seems o.k. 

The grief hit hard this morning and will probably hang around more like a tidal wave than a surfer's wave this week.  We appreciate your prayers for Josiah's girls (Carrie, Livie, Josi), Michael and me, his 9 siblings (10 really because Larissa is certainly a beloved sister), all the nephews, nieces, co-workers/friends who will be missing Josiah this week. 

The girls had work and college. Michael slept in late. GG has been reading. I spent some time on clerical tasks for Jared's campaign, and then added photos to the gift cards. I'm not quite sure how we're giving these out. Every time I think I have a plan Michael says to be random.

I counted out 20 packets for Michael to deliver tomorrow. I have a zillion more photos to attach to bags of candy and I need to get out and about and drop them off here and there too. ... but where? 

BreZaak wasn't able to attend Saturday due to Trudy being ill. She and the kids are putting together packets at their house. Bre ran out and covered the Urgent Care parking lot. I love it. That's a spot we can hit every day I would imagine if you are in that parking lot a touch of kindness would brighten your day. 

📷by BreAnne

I can see next year maybe the card should include a link to a post about who Josiah was - as telling the story over and over is not the easiest thing to do....

When Michael woke up, he immediately asked if I wanted a fire. We tossed it around a bit but decided today is a good day for our first fire of the year! Michael edited a paper for Stacia and worked on cross word puzzles and such today. I would imagine he's a bit sore as he fell down our stairs last night. We discovered our banister, which we were told would never break, can in fact pull away from the wall. 

GRACE NOTES: 

1. These grandchildren are such a blessing. 

2. The opportunity to honor Josiah. 

3. So many who have stayed so close to us throughout the year; though thousands of miles away...texts, zoom calls, emails, surprise gifts... God truly has built, and will continue to build, a community for us in which to love and be loved.