Super Fly Cy the Chick Fil A Guy

 Anyone who knew Josiah knew he loved Chick Fil A. Chick Fil A was the first job he had. He learned great management skills at the company, he mentored many, and developed into the leader and man he would be as he worked at Chick Fil A.  He moved from TX to Seattle, WA to be part of the start up there. One of his biggest disappointments was not making it into being an Owner/Operator for Chick Fil A. BUT - if he had he would never have moved to Alaska, met Carrie and Livie and we wouldn't have had the wonderful opportunity of living in the same location!!!! God knew. 

Alaska, in fact, seemed to be the one thing he loved more than the dream of Chick Fil A back in 2016.  As we put together candy packets last Saturday someone mentioned (Larissa?, Jamin?) that it was too bad we couldn't find a way to give away Chick Fil A sandwiches in Josiah's honor this week. I agreed. Then I had a lightbulb moment. 

Our boys and our friends 2 boys became best buds back in San Angelo, TX. In fact, Debbie called them the Fab 5. When we moved and left Josiah and Jamin behind, Debbie and Steve were pivotal in providing "family" for the boys. Josiah was older than Steven and Michel, but he always reached out to them and loved spending time with them. When Michel was a junior, Josiah convinced him to work at the store he managed. Years went on, Michael became an owner operator of Chick Fil A. He currently owns a Chick Fil A in Little Rock, Arkansas. The Fab 5 continued to meet even after they all began moving from San Angelo. There were trips to FL, HI, AK...weddings... there are better photos - but here's one I can easily put my hands on.  This was taken when the boys and Steve and Debbie came up for Josiah's wedding. 

Steven, Michel, Jared, Josiah, Jamin 

It was a natural to reach out to Michel. I was so glad the idea was mentioned. I contacted Michel and Alyse, and they were on board.  They went in on it with us and we catered a mentoring workshop for teens. How perfect is THAT in Josiah's memory?  Here is Michel sharing a bit last night. 

They passed out the chicken sandwiches and a copy of the card Larissa created for us to use with our acts of kindness. 

Alyse & Michel

They sent a darling photo which is precious to me of them and their 8 kids in flannel each holding a photo card.  We won't post the photo of the kids online - I'm not sure the adoption is final.  In the past year I've heard many stories of young men (mostly) sharing how Josiah mentored them at a time when they felt pretty low and then got them a job...at Chick Fil A, Walmart, and his final employer.  Mentoring was a core value for Josiah. 

If any of you are ever in the Chick Fil A in Little Rock - stop by and tell them we sent you. ::wink:: 

GRACE NOTES: 

1. Friends that remember and love Josiah. 

2. More art therapy with Krista. 

That First Anniversary

 Honestly, we made the best of it we could, put the best face on it possible, but Oct 23rd is going to be our least favorite day of the year. I'm thankful to have this first anniversary in the rear-view mirror. This day could generate about 6 blog posts and I'm not sure how I'm going to divide it all up. Let's see...

We ALL had a hard time sleeping on Tuesday night.   Early on Wednesday the doorbell rang. Walmart delivery. Someone had sent us an assortment of juices, blueberry muffins and apple fritters (Josiah's favorite).  It wasn't long before 10 smoothie bowls from a local spot were also delivered. The texts, emails, breakfast items were totally unexpected. You all are the best. 

Since I was up before the sun - not a hard thing this time of year - I decided to head over to the cemetery. I knew the day would be bustling and I knew I needed some quiet time. It began to snow as I drove up...I was not deterred. I sat on my blanket beside Josiah's grave, in the snow and waited for a spectacular sunrise. Um...what a dud! I guess you don't get spectacular sunrises when it's snowing?  It was so foggy the big mountains disappeared. 

The glass vase had frozen. The red flowers had to be retrieved again. I chased them into the neighbor's yard... I briefly thought how nice it would be when Josiah's memorial stone finally arrived. 

I did enjoy processing in the snow with a nice big mug of tea! 

I knew others would be arriving at our house and so I went home. I thought GG would be up and have had breakfast. It was after 10 a.m. I got home to a quiet house. Allie was gone. She had gone to the cemetery to find me. We passed each other. I got GG up and fed.   Krista and Nolan each stopped at the cemetery and then arrived at our house. 

Krista brought "art therapy." I have failed at "Lego therapy" but today she had a bit of everything for everyone. Michael got up and delivered packets to the police department and chiropractor's office. Stacia got up and visited the cemetery. Arielle arrived with coloring pages. 

Bre and the kids passed out packets at the local pool, a carwash and a parking lot. Arielle and kids covered story hour at the Train Depot. 

Bella, Jojo, Trudy, Annie, Gideon 📷by Bre

📷by Bre

Meanwhile Stacia received a surprise at the cemetery. She noted all the things were pushed aside. There were two people hovering over Josiah's space. She was ready to deal with this indignity...and then she discovered they were installing Josiah's memorial stone. She texted and Michael and I went out to see it. 

We were honored when Carrie asked us to do the research on which cemetery to use, she asked only it be in our town and have a view of Pioneer Peak.  When I narrowed it down, Michael, Carrie and I met with the employees and selected a space. Then we drove into Anchorage and collaborated on the memorial stone we'd like. We wanted it to tell a bit of the story of who Josiah was and how he lived.  I think we succeeded. 

The vase means my times of chasing flowers across the gardens will most likely be far less often.  It has all the typical features...but it has a heart shape in honor of Liv, "Super Fly Cy" as that was a name Josiah always joked about being known by and a name he convinced Livie to call him, the photo is great, the etching is from a photo of him fishing.... and the verse...I think we got it all on there. Michael is still shaking his head and how much Carrie, and I managed to fit onto the stone. LOL 

We let Carrie, and others, know the stone was in so they wouldn't be surprised as Stacia was. We hadn't been told it had arrived. I think they noted the date and made it happen. What a nice surprise on a hard day.  The visiting continued at the house....Carrie and the girls stopped at the cemetery and then came to the house. 

Josi and Liv 

📷by Carrie

Josiah's Girls 📷by Carrie

They just got home from their Florida adventures, and it was so good to see them. 

Bachan and Ellie

Arielle had come over solo in the morning. Cory arrived with the boys about the time Carrie and the girls arrived. 

Danny, Josi and Arielle

Allie, Stacia and Livie had the first snowball fight of the season. 

Charles, Danny & Papa

Jared and Jamin arrived. We had sandwiches, visited and were just together. Some went on walks. Bre arrived and then took kids to AWANA and then came back for another bit. 

Carrie, Jamin, Arielle, Cory, Jared and kids 

Jamin & Ellie

Jared & Josi - 📷by Carrie

During this time Jared received word from the Regional Directory of Josiah's previous employer. He sent a copy of the letter he sent to associates telling them they could wear jeans and flannel to work on the 23rd and that they were giving everyone the day off after 4 p.m. He also said some very nice things about Josiah and shared a slide announcing the renaming of the conference room at their regional office. 

It was a good day. I was deeply touched by how many have offered acts of kindness in Josiah's memory, how many reached out to say they were touched by Josiah's life and miss him still. 

We didn't share memories or talk about Josiah a lot today...we simply were together as we walked through another difficult day. A couple of us prefer processing solo and that was o.k. too!  It was hard good. 

GRACE NOTES:

1. We are still standing one year later. 

2. Having so many in one place was a blessing this year. 

Today...

Late last night I learned a lesson. ASK FOR HELP. My hand was cramping when I finally asked Michael if he would be willing to help me punch holes in photos. He took the whole stack....look at this! 

I was able to finish tagging the candy which was already bagged. 

I went into town and spread some kindness....and picked up groceries and Dad's meds. I dropped off candy at the pharmacy, the library, a diner and the hair salon. 

Carrie, the girls, Krista and Luke all arrived back in state last night or early this morning. Luke and Krista needed to pick up their fur babies. Krista stopped here with Nuska, while Luke went further up the hwy to pick up Reno. Michael and Krista looked over the possibilities for her upcoming assignment. They will be moving June 2025. This new system allows a person to bid for positions they would like and then the Wing Chaplains bid on those who they see they would like to have....we'll see if it matches up better than the old Dream Sheets. ::snort:: 

Allie and Stacia did homework. 

Stacia dropped off mugs of kindness at the college. She found this harder than expected. She decided she didn't want to eat dinner at the college with the mugs staring at her. Mike, me, GG, Nolan, Luke and Krista met her for dinner in town. She then headed back to class. Her prof had taken a mug and told her she was free to leave whenever she'd like too. She opted to come home. 

We're hearing of random kindness others are doing in memory of Josiah - and it makes me smile! 

GG is slowing down. Michael is catching up on youtube. The girls and I are going to catch an episode of Gilmore Girls.  

Tomorrow will be another hard day. 

GRACE NOTES:

1. All our travelers are home safe. 

2. It was fun to pour over the assignments list with Krista and later Luke. 

You Can Cry in Your Sleep and Other Things We Learned This Year

 As we reflect on the past year, here are some of the things we have learned or know in a deeper way -  random reflections from the first year of grief.

• You can cry in your sleep. 
• All grief is hard.
• God welcomes ruthless honesty - and my relationship with him deepens when I trust Him enough to be honest with Him about my emotions. 
• We've lost parents - losing a child is a new kind of hard. 
• Losing a loved one to homicide leads to "complicated grief." 
• Grief is not something to "walk through." It is, instead, something which becomes a part of you, as you walk with it into the new normal. 
• God is WITH us - always. 
• Worship is essential! Worship changes our perspective and strengthens our soul. 
•  Since we believe loved ones will be worshipping in heaven, worship is something I can still do with Josiah. 
• Catching the criminal is not the end of the journey to justice. 
• The legal system is not at all like you see on TV. 
• Some people will try to "fix you," encourage you to get back to "normal," and leave when they can't accept the change you are walking through. 
• People get busy and move on. 
• You will most likely be hyper-focused on your loss. Others will get distracted. 
• Other people will step close and simply "sit in the ashes," with you. Hang on to these people. 
• People will say horrible, hurtful, unhelpful things - usually they mean well. 
• Most Bible stories have a human element we tend to gloss over. Yes, God blessed Job and Naomi, but they carried their losses their whole lives. I understand more (still not fully) the pain of a Father watching a son be tortured and killed. I understand Jonah's struggle at praying for mercy and being used to share the good news with his enemies. 
• Counseling is helpful. 
• People like to be comfortable - this can lead to wanting a comfortable faith - all the answers. We have wrestled, and still wrestle, with many issues of faith.  This is too much for many. 
• We have lost the ability to chit chat for more than about 5 minutes. This is uncomfortable for many. 
• We, and our faith, are uncomfortable for many. 
• Cliches and platitudes - Christian or secular - are not helpful.
• This family is strong. We can do hard things. We also, have little choice. It's this or...
• You will think you CANNOT live another day - you will. 
• You don't know what you don't know until you walk through deep darkness. 
• I wish we had known what we know now earlier...but then what would it have taken to get there...
• I prayed to have His heart and He allowed mine to be  broken.  What does that say about His heart?

This is not a complete list. 

It's Flannel Monday

It's been a full year of Flannel Mondays. 

Oct 21, 2023 is the last day Mike and I saw Josiah. Last year it was a Saturday, and we'd gathered to celebrate Larissa, Carrie and Charles' birthday - and to be together. 

Wednesday will be one year since the unthinkable happened and Josiah was murdered while at work. We've learned much in this year. We've been shaken. We've had some heartbreaking secondary losses; but we're still standing! We are seeking to turn our attention outward. Obviously, the natural inclination is to turn inward and there's a lot of that too. In the midst of the grief over evil cruelty we want to focus on extending kindness, gratitude and grace. Motivated by Josiah's memory, and the love of God which shined through his life, we plan to commit random acts of kindness in his memory throughout the week. 

As Michael and I talked over how we wanted to journey through this week, we looked for ways for us to be together, space for those who want to be alone, and ways for the grands to be a part of the week - but not overwhelmed by our emotions. My eyes have been leaking off and, on all day,...receiving this photo from Arielle made me smile.  The boys were excited to pass out their gifts at therapy today...and at the park too. Yes, this is a good focus for us. 

📷by Arielle

I think we'll show photos throughout the week of random kindness given in honor of Josiah's memory. These are the sorts of things we usually keep secret and off the blog...but since this is in remembrance of Josiah - it seems o.k. 

The grief hit hard this morning and will probably hang around more like a tidal wave than a surfer's wave this week.  We appreciate your prayers for Josiah's girls (Carrie, Livie, Josi), Michael and me, his 9 siblings (10 really because Larissa is certainly a beloved sister), all the nephews, nieces, co-workers/friends who will be missing Josiah this week. 

The girls had work and college. Michael slept in late. GG has been reading. I spent some time on clerical tasks for Jared's campaign, and then added photos to the gift cards. I'm not quite sure how we're giving these out. Every time I think I have a plan Michael says to be random.

I counted out 20 packets for Michael to deliver tomorrow. I have a zillion more photos to attach to bags of candy and I need to get out and about and drop them off here and there too. ... but where? 

BreZaak wasn't able to attend Saturday due to Trudy being ill. She and the kids are putting together packets at their house. Bre ran out and covered the Urgent Care parking lot. I love it. That's a spot we can hit every day I would imagine if you are in that parking lot a touch of kindness would brighten your day. 

📷by BreAnne

I can see next year maybe the card should include a link to a post about who Josiah was - as telling the story over and over is not the easiest thing to do....

When Michael woke up, he immediately asked if I wanted a fire. We tossed it around a bit but decided today is a good day for our first fire of the year! Michael edited a paper for Stacia and worked on cross word puzzles and such today. I would imagine he's a bit sore as he fell down our stairs last night. We discovered our banister, which we were told would never break, can in fact pull away from the wall. 

GRACE NOTES: 

1. These grandchildren are such a blessing. 

2. The opportunity to honor Josiah. 

3. So many who have stayed so close to us throughout the year; though thousands of miles away...texts, zoom calls, emails, surprise gifts... God truly has built, and will continue to build, a community for us in which to love and be loved. 

Birthdays and Random Acts of Kindness

 We met today to celebrate Larissa and Charles' birthdays...

Charles was VERY excited for his birthday. His birthday is the 21st and CoRielle celebrated earlier. They knew the 21st may be hard...the date of our October celebration last year, the last time most of us saw Josiah. They celebrated a week or so ago and Charles has been convinced he was 4! Then they came to OUR house for another birthday party - and now, he's 5! He'll be 18 in no time at all. 

We are certainly thankful to have this little man in our family.  Yes, he's come with quite a few challenges, but Cory and Arielle are amazing parents to this little guy and his spark adds life to all of our lives. Larissa's sweet spirit, her gift of mercy and service spread such peace and calm in our family. She blesses us in so many ways! We are thankful Jared found her! 

I kept it simple this month - pasta and a couple of kinds of sauce, salad and fresh sourdough bread. The boys had quite a discussion about which sauce was best. 

I believe they chose different sauces. 

Gifts, cake and then Jared played downstairs with the boys...Cory watched Ellie...and the rest of us worked on putting together packets for the upcoming week.

We have decided to do as many random acts of kindness in Josiah's honor as we can in the upcoming week. We've collected candy, mugs, hot chocolate, tea and coffee, gift cards....and Larissa designed a card to accompany everything.  I originally envisioned covering his hometown, Eagle River, but we do NOT want anyone to start saying we are playing off Josiah's loss for a campaign stunt for Jared...and we don't want to taint the jury pool either.... we'll scatter kindness around the valley this year. 

The assembly line

I'm excited about this...a chance to surprise others, something happy to look forward to during a hard week. At this point we have 22 gift cards, 20 mugs, 144 bags of candy...and BreZaak and CoRielle each have their own candy/gift cards and cards. We're also trying to work out a way to give away Chick Fil A sandwiches on the 23rd in Josiah's honor. This would be MUCH easier if we HAD a Chick Fil A up here. ::snort::  The card says, "Please accept this random act of kindness in honor of Our Hero...."

I saw this idea from Philip and Megan, a couple we knew at our last assignment. They lost their son, Hunter 9 years ago. They've begun this practice...and Michael and I loved it. We will probably start spreading things around and continue it through the week. If you're a business in the Valley that would like a basket of goodies let us know. 

GRACE NOTES: 

1. Busy day with many of the family. 

2. Charles and Larissa. 

3. Random Acts of Kindness. 

Grief is Tumultuous

Here are some thoughts which have been bouncing around in my head, heart and soul. 

Several months ago, I was struggling with the fact I simply wasn't able to jump back into activities I previously loved and handled with ease. I find myself distracted, impatient with chit chat, and with folks who were SOOO upset over things I consider inconsequential.  My "lack of normalcy" and failure to progress as others seemed to think I should on the grief journey frustrated me. I was doing well - until I wasn't. I was strong - until I was weak. My faith could move mountains, until I was immobilized by fear and longing.  

My honest replies make others uncomfortable when they ASK, "How are you doing?"  I've lost some filter for social interactions others possess. My emotions are intense, my relationships have a deeper sense of intention to them, I'm acutely aware of how fleeting time can be. 

 Around this time Lee, a friend from food co-op, shared she had a friend who lost a child to violence. She said the process of grief and the trial was tumultuous! 

Tumultuous! 

"Loud, excited, confused, disorderly." 

Yes. That's it. Grief is tumultuous! Grief takes many forms; at times quiet and solitary, at times demanding and grating. It's disorderly. It's confusing. It's NOT linear. Having a WORD helps things fall into place. There is a word for what I feel - the word is tumultuous! 

This fall has been harder than I expected. Several family members have mentioned fall being difficult. We have so many fun memories in the summer and fall and Josiah is right in the middle of them. This year he is conspicuously absent. We feel the "anniversary" drawing near...there is a sense one is allowed to mourn for the year of firsts and then, like magic, all will be well and "normal." 

But it's not. 

When we lived in Japan, we saw our adult children once a year. This isn't so very different...and yet as one year draws near there are no anticipated visits. It is totally different. The permanence of Josiah's death begins to take root down deep in my heart and soul. 

In so much of life and faith we live with the tension of the now and not yet. We experience the same tension in our grief. The permanence of loss and the hope brought by our faith in Jesus. This world is not the end. All justice does not have to come from the world's system. We will see Josiah again. We will. And yet now...it hurts. Now I forgive AND I wrestle with the need to pray for the one who robbed us of Josiah. Some days I dream of redemption and some days I dream of justice.

Sometimes it's a dull ache and sometimes it's a tearing, ripping pain.  Sometimes it's a sense of loneliness in the midst of a family gathering and sometimes it's a sweet memory. 

It's disorganized, unexpected, ever-changing. 

I have wrestled with Christian cliches, with secondary losses, with issues of faith I thought were settled years ago...one thing I have known through it all...God remains with me. Always. In the pit of despair and on days when I feel like I'm handling it well.  When we are too much for others...we are never too much for God. God doesn't care what we are DOING, he cares about who we are becoming. 

I'm finding community with those who are willing to take off masks and admit there is pain, there are questions, there are things we cannot fix.  We are not meant, after all, to fix ourselves. So much of the time when we "get it wrong" it's because we are uncomfortable admitting the tension we are surrounded by - we want a quick faith that will fix all. 

God offers something better - His presence, His faithful love - a love that invites honest emotions and questions. 

So - "How am I today?" 

I am moving forward on the tumultuous journey of grief. I'm learning to live with the tension of incredible loss and fantastic hope and to be honest with both the loss and the hope, the joy and the sorrow... I have taken great strides in being comfortable with making space for all the emotions, all the grief, all the memories, the tension and with being totally MISUNDERSTOOD by those who have never had to walk this journey. 

While some fear I've lost a measure of faith, the reality is my faith is deeper, my relationship with God much more authentic. I have never felt His censor of my grief.  He is with me in the lament. I have discovered that's enough. 

And, who knows, with time I may become comfortable with chit chat once again...right now I can handle about 5 minutes.