Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Photobucket Choosing Joy in Seasons of Discontent

Warning - if you've got me on the pedastal, I'm about to be vulnerable again. ::snort::

I'm currently enjoying a Beth Moore Study on my own. At this point it's been an overview of the book of Galatians. Today I focused on God being my Abba Father. Daddy - MY DADDY.

Yesterday a simple question was asked. It would be a good question for us to ask ourselves periodically. "What, today, is hindering that free flow of fellowship?" First, I thought - NOTHING. I've been enjoying a season of sweet comfort and refreshing during my trysts with the Lord.

As I prayed about it the word "contentment" dropped into my spirit. "But Father - I am content. I AM. I love where you have us." The word refused to budge.

I realize that I've been discontent with the season we are in. I'm discontent with our older children growing up and leaving home while no new little ones are entering our family. In our 24 years of marriage I've been pregnant about every 9 - 12 months (I've miscarried often). Since I lost the babies over a year ago I have not gotten pregnant. This is rather alarming. Could it be that I'm entering a season where the arrival of children cannot be taken for granted? Honestly, the whole point of being Quiverful is that God is sovereign in this area. Who guaranteed me a pregnancy on a predictable schedule? ::snort::

I've struggled with this. I love our children. I am intellectually content with all that God has given us. I'm willing to leave it up to him. But my heart and arms scream for more babies. I couldn't tell you why. I'm shocked at myself, really. There have been glimpses in the last months where I've thought, "I could do such and such if I wasn't worrying about early or late pregnancies" (both seasons that cause me trouble).

It's good for children to grow up and fly on their own.

The bottom line is that I've not been consistenly choosing joy in this season. It ISN'T easy when children grow up and leave home. It isn't easy to be done having children....but if that IS the season that God has me in then I need to surrender in the season. I am learning to trust God with this season as much as I have trusted him with earlier seasons. Daddy wants my best. He's worthy of my trust. He is God. I am not.

I'm glad that question was asked in the study. I honestly didn't think anything was hindering my fellowship with the Lord....but yes...I've chosen discontent. I'm going to start looking for the good in this season.....Today it is very exciting for all the youngers to help Cy move into his apartment. ::snort::

What about you? Is there anything hindering the free flow of fellowship in your life? You know what to do if there is, right?


©2008 D.R.G.


April Williams said...

I have been thinking and praying for you this past week. I can not imagine how I will feel when my big girls "leave" home. It is hard enough when they go to school for the week. We feel so lost when they are not able to come home for the weekend. I hope things go well with Cy moving into his own apartment. I will be praying for you and the littles during this time.

Debbie said...

De'Etta, good food for thought.

Since our conversation last week, I have been doing a lot of thinking and praying. God is working and I am trying to surrender...all of it.


jennifer said...

I've been praying for you, De'Etta. I see the days of children moving out approaching in my own home and feel anxious about it.

I remember very well that feeling of empty arms. I remember begging on many occasions for our Father to take away the desire if it wasn't within His will.

I'll continue to keep you in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

Sis: Love you babe! Praying for you! This season of life where children leave home brings it's own rewards a bit later (as you are experiencing with the girl's) when your children start reaching out to you for advice, just a chat, and etc.

It is SO VERY,VERY,VERY nice when this happens. Just watching your kids and grandkids mature is super!

NOW!! :):):):) In our present stage of life.... When one's kids start to try helping we older folks do things right, when one's kids show worry and concern, when one's kids show that they learned the oh so many things you hoped you were teaching them....

life is great and somehow we all get over the hard times...... sounds like Mike/You have good knowledge and attitude for this time in your lives.

So proud of you both! and of course proud of the kids.

love/prayers Mom T

Mama Teaching 3 said...

Okay, that was my cry for the day. I love it when the LORD is LORD and speaks to us as only the best father in the world can do. *sigh*

Laura Paxton said...

Wow...I KNOW this is something I struggle with...contentment is a HUGE issue for me. Thanks for the challenge!