Monday, March 18, 2024

Remembering - By Carrie

Note: Carrie has given us permission to save some of her thoughts here on the blog.

Sweet Josi Faith 

It was around this time last year when we started doing fertility treatments and had our first IUI failure after trying to get pregnant for over a year. I thought for sure that was the hardest struggle I’d have to go through, but life had other plans.

I remember finding out I was pregnant last year on June 2nd. I had probably taken close to 50 pregnancy tests since we had been married so didn’t think it would be a big deal to take one while I was home alone, and Josiah was fishing with his brothers in Seward. I was completely shocked when the digital test said “pregnant” and the second test (can’t ever just take 1 🤷🏼‍♀️) had a strong second line. I was pacing around my house in prayer just thanking God over and over while happy tears flowed. I texted Josiah to hurry home so I could talk to him about something.
He told the story of getting that text while they were in Girdwood getting pizza. He told his brothers they had to hurry home because he thought I was going to tell him I was pregnant. Much to his dismay, his brother's friend had just ordered food and it was taking a super long time. Even worse, by the time he got home I was asleep (pregnancy ya know) and he had to wait until the next morning for the good news. He was so excited to add to our little family.
As I sit here nursing our 5-week-old baby girl, I feel that feeling only grief provides… extreme joy and extreme sadness all at the same time. Who even knew that was possible?! Anger and gratitude felt in the same breath.
I’m grateful for Olivia. She has been incredible both with helping with Josi and making me feel so loved and cared for.
I’m grateful that God protected my body during my pregnancy and that Josi is prefect and healthy.
I’m grateful for my work family and to be financially secure enough to take this time away from work to focus on Olivia, Josi, and myself. The average bereavement leave is 3-5 DAYS. Which is crazy. By the time I return to work in May, I’ll have taken 7 months off which has truly been the biggest blessing. Meanwhile my work family has continued to love me, check on me, and encourage me.
I have to admit, being a solo parent is hard and I’m running on 5-6 hours of sleep nightly. But I’m grateful for my community and extremely thankful to have trustworthy friends and family to help watch Josi and help with Olivia when needed.
Most of all, I’m thankful for Jesus. I feel like He is holding my hand walking right beside me.
Whew, sorry for a way too long and over sharing post. I’ve gotten good at those 🤷🏼‍♀️

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