Bits and Pieces in Prep for Traveling

Pictures from home - the boys are continuing with the Advent Scavenger hunts. This one took them to the garage.....

Two for this night - I want to see if Bubbles will freeze and I think the DVD is one on AK history. 

This night is special as they are packing to come to Oregon!  It will be nice to have the five of us together. Even Benny wants to come.....three weeks old and he's ready to travel! That's my boy!

Lessons From Mom or Mom Simply Stopped Breathing

Stacia flew out for Anchorage early on the 12th. Alaska Airlines was amazing! They arranged for her to be escorted, fly at better times and it only cost me $60. They gave me a complete refund on my ticket, so that I could book my return flight whenever it was time for me to fly home.

The afternoon of December 12th, with family around her bed....mom simply stopped breathing. Those in the room began to leave and Will and I were at the hospital, talking to funeral homes and care teams about what to do next.

I sat beside mom and reflected on all she'd been through which brought her to this point. Several from the church came to visit and didn't know she had passed away. The support of the church is amazing.

We texted family who wasn't here. I called Michael and they were on their way home from the airport after picking up Stacia. We began to get texts and phone messages...."I went to Dairy Queen and remembered Grandma."

"We stopped at DQ and had ice cream in Grandma's memory."

And us in Oregon....we went to Sharis and had THICK chocolate shakes with fries - in mom's memory....One of the shared memories Mom and I found funny had to do with her love of fries and ice cream. She was visiting us in CA. I had taken all out to eat, the kids ordered, Dad ordered, Mom went to order.....She asked for fries and "an extra thick chocolate shake."

Without thinking, I exclaimed, "No, you can't have ice cream with lunch!"

She was flabbergasted, "What? Did you just say I can't have ice cream?"

"Yes, I did. If you have it all the kids will want it, and I'm paying so no ice cream."

She found it hilarious and brought it up often - even texting one of the grandsons to say, "Do you know what Aunt De'Etta just did?"

It was funny in Virginia, Alaska, and Oregon we were all tied together, doing the same thing, for the same reason.

Here I am - the last post about this season in our life.

What lessons did I learn? 

There's the advance directive thing, and a new understanding of Ps 116. 

It was confirmed for me death is sacred and holy - closer than we often think. It seems there is just a curtain between us and heaven, and when it's time, God simply pulls the curtain aside and we step over.

Many, MANY, emailed, called and said Mom was one of the few that "loved me just as I was." I want to live my life as one who loves others, out in the open, just as they are.

The outpouring of love was amazing. I honestly, don't believe Mom realized how much she was loved. I want to deal with my past hurts, so I can fully accept the love others give me.

In the end, eating too much sugar, really didn't matter! I will continue to pursue good health and follow the eating plan laid out by my doctor, but I am hyper aware when it is time - it is simply time.

Mom was a charger. Always. She went full bore into the things to which she committed.  It seems to me this is good. I know she felt there were things she left undone - but if she hadn't been a charger there would have been more.

On the other hand, Mom was not afraid of solitude and NOT doing everything that was expected of her. I will prayerfully consider where I choose to invest my time.

A heart to share Jesus is good - and He will find a way to honor our heart even when we can't vocalize the Roman road.

Family is important. Treasure each moment with them - but learn to hold them with open hands.

Keep pursuing new experiences and new activities. We'll grow old if we stop playing.

Sometimes a girl needs a thick chocolate milk shake - and that's o.k.

There are many more, but these are the ones which come readily to mind. I find, as I process the "What If's," I continue to learn from Mom's life.

I'm relieved to be done blogging about this season in our lives.  For now.

Mom's Obituary

         

      Janice M. Townsend, born in Hardin, MT on February 10, 1941,  went home to be with the Savior she knew and loved well, on December 12, 2017. We thank the medical team of the River Bend Comfort Care wing for the excellent care she received.

                Following Jesus led Janice to Eugene Bible College, where she met her life-long love, H. Paul Townsend. They were married on November 17, 1962.  Together, they served as missionaries in Liberia, West Africa for 3 years and the Philippine Islands for 22 years, before settling in Springfield.

                She loved Jesus, friends, Christmas and family. She collected nativities, tea cups, china and elephant figurines. Janice is truly home for Christmas this year.

                Janice is survived by her husband, H. Paul Townsend; her children: De'Etta (Michael), Will (Sherri) and Nate (Heather); 14 grandchildren: BreAnne (Izaak), Krista, Josiah, Jamin, Jared (Larissa), Arielle (Cory), Nolan, Alex, Stacia, Matt (Lily), Andrew, Amy, Mikhail and Nadia; and 4 great grandchildren: Harmony, Bella, Gideon and Bennett and several nieces and nephews.

                A service will be conducted at Calvary Open Bible Church on December 22nd  at 4 p.m. and will be live-streamed under the media button at calvaryopenbible.org.

Surreal Monday

 Monday - doctors seem surprised that Mom is holding on.

The chaplains visit several times. They pray that the God who Mom has "loved and known well all her life would know and love her well in this transition."

The day moves between times of fellowship.....and times of contemplation.

It was fun to see Stan and Gracie. Gracie was our babysitter in the Philippines. 

I enjoyed the moments of solitude with Mom. Knowing they were precious and I would miss them dearly.  When we were alone I continued to read portions of the Bible to Mom, pray over her and speak words of love and affirmation. 

I've been perplexed about the verse that says, "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of  His godly ones." Ps 116:15.  How could something we tend to dread, something so hard and painful be precious? In this time away from my children and Michael during Advent, with Mom as she faced death, I once again began to ponder this verse.  Faye, one of mom's friends, shared with me that she thinks it's because God is a good father. He's eagerly prepared treasures and gifts for his child. He's waited for all to be ready and to see the child's excitement at what He's prepared. She is precious to him, and giving her all He's prepared, being face to face with her is precious to Him.  I know how much we love to pick out gifts to bless each child - unique, individual gifts that they will LOVE. I know how we prepare for a big day and how the excitement mounts as the day draws near to reveal all the treasured surprises to the kids. Yes, I think the death of one of His children is like that for God. It's finally all ready, she's precious, He is excited to show her all the treasures....The transition is  precious to Him.  I shared these things with Mom as I would have if we were sitting in her living room.

Stacia was leaving on Tuesday. Will came to the hospital and Dad and I went home. I knew I needed to do something fun with Stacia....something that would make a special memory for the two of us. We also needed to do something Christmasy.  The last few years we've taken Mom to look at Christmas Lights. There are some great ones in her neighborhood. I went home, grabbed Stacia and Lorri and we went out to enjoy some lights.  In this spot neighbors have joined together to make quite a showing. The lights go across the street from one house to the next. They have a box to collect food and such for the area's needy.

In the end, Dad and I got called back to the hospital. We spent the night with Mom and Will....listening to old Bill Gaither music and speaking with one another quietly. I left at 3 a.m. to get Stacia to the airport.

Sunday @ the Hospital

I've previously shared about Saturday in the hospital.  As Mom's pain was under control, visitors began to arrive.  This was a huge blessing to the family. I believe Mom could hear at this point, but she wasn't responding.  We read emails and messages that came to her. Grandkids called and we put the phone up to her ears so they could chat with her.

Nate and Heather and Michael and the kids worked on travel arrangements.

On Sunday dear out of town friends visited. Amazing friendships.

The grandsons trip was quick and they flew out Sunday night to be home in time to go to work Monday morning. Will, Sherri and their boys came to the hospital and I went out for dinner and to take the boys to the airport. This gave me time to touch base with Stacia. She and Lorri had continued to have fun - watching movies, baking brownies, more shopping....they picked the boys up, and had been up to see mom a few times.

Jared, Cy and Jamin head back to Anchorage

Lorri, Stacia and I grab a Christmas photo

A word about time - it moved so very slow, each moment pregnant with meaning; but it also moved very fast, we arrived at our destination faster than I would have wished.  While I was happy to have dinner with the kids, I was driven to be back at the hospital.

Saturday in the Hospital

I'm not ready to write about a few days in here...but this was a great day. By 9 December, Mom was on comfort care. She was finally getting some relief from the pain. The boys took the red eye flight from Anchorage and arrived early Saturday morning. They spent the day at the hospital and with Stacia. Matt, our nephew, flew up from California. It was special to have them all there.

Cy, Jared, Mom, Jamin, Stacia

Dad with Will and five of his grandsons

We had been restricting visitors due to mom's pain level. Now that the pain was under control, people came to visit. Each visit, hug, tear shared was a blessing. It really was. I didn't take many photos - but knew Bre would want this one. (Note Pastor Gary over my shoulder.LOL )

Me and Grandma Donna ::grin:: 

A hospital with a seriously ill loved one is surreal. We experienced such joy and love....while also experiencing such sadness and pain.....bittersweet memories of my 3 weeks in Oregon.

Comfort Care

Thursday we (Dad, Will, Sherri and I) met with doctors,  Face Timed (Or something like that) with Nate and Heather, who live overseas, and called Michael. We all agreed Mom had been in pain long enough. She quit eating on the 2nd. They were doing all they could and the pain was not gone. It was time for Hospice. If God wanted her to be healed, he would heal her. Dad believed Mom would be healed. He said it best for all of us, "She's suffered enough. We'll put her in God's hands. He can still heal her."

Mom's life was about sharing Jesus with others. She wanted others to see Jesus in her. She wanted her illness to result in good in the lives of nurses, doctors etc. She'd worked in hospitals.  After her first hospital stay, when we were told her cancer was back, she shared with me that it bothered her she was in such pain that she was "acting crazy," and others can't see Jesus in that.

When she was admitted the second time she was in bad shape. In the midst of the pain she was praying, and it was noticed. Questions were asked. Seeds were planted. We had the opportunity to share Jesus and our view of the afterlife with every doctor, nurse, aide, and volunteer that came into the room.  I wouldn't have WANTED to be having end of life conversations with palliative care doctors - but I quickly saw our responsibility to share what Mom could no longer verbally share.  Jesus was seen through mom's last days, though it wasn't the way she'd planned it to be.

Mom's friend of over 50 years came to sit with Mom while we met with doctors. 

Some will fault this photo below, but my kids and I absolutely LOVE Dad's sense of humor.  We needed a laugh at that juncture and dad sensed this. 

Friday, hospice came to meet with us. They were surprised at mom's condition and said they didn't feel she was a good candidate for hospice. The palliative care team admitted they felt she had days to weeks and that it would be best for her to stay in the hospital for Comfort Care. We were already in the Comfort Care wing.  I cannot say enough about the team on that floor.

I had seen these carts earlier and wondered why some patients got a hospitality cart. Ah, this signifies the patient is on Comfort Care - and the staff is trying to care for visitors as well. I was touched by such a tangible show of compassion - as well as by what it signaled.

Throughout Friday they came in and unhooked mom from various things. They began the morphine drip, which finally brought pain relief by Saturday evening.  Mom hadn't been talking for a few days, but she quit responding as the meds began to enter her system.

The choice to go on to comfort care is not a one time choice. Throughout the day I was asked if I wanted various procedures to be continued....mom made it really easy. For days she had been sneaking her hand up and blocking the oxygen hose or pulling the oxygen off.  Staff and family were finally able to follow mom's lead and only do those things which she wanted done.

The last picture I took - I needed it  - she was pain free & peaceful 

I learned a big lesson here. As important as an advance directive is, more important, as you can never think of every situation to put on an advance directive, is to have the conversations often about what you'd like your end of life to look like. It was hard making choices for mom...and yet the choices were easier as we ALL remembered comments mom had made about what she did and did not want done...and so we were able to answer with confidence - even when situations weren't covered on the paperwork Mom had signed.

As I think through my life,  I can say this was the toughest week of my life. Yet, I felt God's presence every step of the way. He is a faithful and good God - even when we walk through the valley of the shadow of death - maybe especially then!