Priorities

 "Baachan!"

"Baachan, you walked right past me!" 

"You're right, Benny, I did." 

Benny was shocked, and a bit indignant, I could walk right past him and not say a word. I knew it was time to set aside "the list" and play...because some things take priority...like making memories with a grandson. 

Today was the first day this week without a single scheduled health worker in our home. It was nice. I was able to get the floors mopped, a yummy dinner made, 2 appointments made for Dad, talk with the pharmacist about our ongoing struggles to sort out meds, cancel Rocket Lawyer,  Bible study with Stacia....it was a good day.  

Dad is feeling better. We discovered this means we need to be even more diligent about keeping eyes on him. I caught him somewhere between the bed/chair and the floor 3x today. At one point I just helped him slowly slide to the floor and we were thankful, once again, Michael is home to help get him off the floor. He voiced his fear we'll get tired of taking care of him. I assured him that isn't the case. I voiced my fear another fall will put him back in the hospital and we may not get him out. We WANT him to do all he can do, but at this point his legs are prone to give out unexpectedly (which is what happened all 3x) so it is wise to have someone nearby while he works to get stronger. He's  STILL recuperating from the last fall in the facility on Oct 4th. I would hate more falls to set him back again. We want him pain free to concentrate on getting stronger.  

Dad called Benny.....and this afternoon...look who showed up at our home! BenNEEEY...and Arielle too. LOL  The first order of the day was to help GG shave....GG saved this task to do with Benny. 

Next, I prodded GG into going outside on the deck. Soon, we'll be able to wheel him into the yard....but today he was content to watch from the deck. 

Snow in the boots - it gets to the best of us, Benny. 

"Should I? In the winter?"

"I think, yes!"

GG  lobbed a few snowballs...and here comes Benny, up the stairs, with a handful of snow. LOL He had so much fun nailing GG that he turned on all of us. 

 Getting "Honey and baby." 

He's excited to throw snow at me....and I was excited to catch a photo of the action. He has Baachan's full attention now. 

CoRielle went out last night to try to catch the Northern Lights. They didn't see any, but they saw some great stars. We don't see stars all summer/fall.....it has to be dark to enjoy the stars. It IS such a joy to note them shining again. Benny was impressed. He burst out, "God is AmAAAzing! But Papa made 3 of them." 

Yes, Papa, my boyfriend - the maker of stars, bridges and moose.  Papa worked on a few less impressive projects today. He dug out the pea gravel so our contractor can lay a pad and get a ramp built for us. 

He worked on the burn pile. 

WHO is this???? 

The wood-hauling season has begun. 

It seems the bank closed one of our checking accounts. Michael was verifying I was correct in thinking our account is missing. They are mailing us a check for the balance. None of it made sense to us. 

Stacia baked some goodies - while Christmas music blared through the house - another post to follow. Stacia has an adorable way of getting into her baking. I've always been able to tell what she is baking by checking out her face...today...chocolate! 

It was a great day....we ended the day with a rousing round of Farkle - WHICH I WON HANDILY!

I think in the future I will try to schedule these days with NO ONE coming in every Wednesday or Thursday....it's a nice breather in the midst of unplanned scheduling. 

Dignity, Safety, Choices and Family Care

 Woo boy! It's cold out there! It's ice-scraping weather. It's so cold I have to warm the clasp on Millie's leash in my hand before I can open it.  

INSIDE, however, is toasty warm.  Michael began our first fire of the season last night and between the two of us tending to the sleep patterns in the home, we were able to keep the fire going as well. I do love a blaze in the morning.... In previous winters I sat in the rocking chair by the stove and enjoyed my cuppa tea and Scriptures. I had to move the rocker due to walker, wheel chair and oxygen concentrator...but the fire is still cheery. 

There is not a lot of fun and interesting things to blog about tonight...but I have been contemplating a few things, perhaps I'll just indulge myself and share my musings. 

Yesterday, Tuesday, Dad had an intake with home health physical therapy. It became apparent if I'd toughen up, he IS able to do more than I was requiring. LOL  The therapist ignored the faces and groans  I give in to.....and so today we used the walker more than the wheelchair. He didn't walk far, and always with one of us right there...he does tend to tire all of a sudden and would fall without us there to get between him and the floor...but it was huge progress. I am thankful for the PT's who will be in our home twice weekly. 

Today, Wednesday, a new OT came to the house. She had a different attitude than the others have had, this pulled out a different tone in my response.  I'm praying to walk in more love on Friday. She accused me of discounting Dad's pain and dignity...and quite frankly, this is just not true. 

She changed several things - which didn't make sense to me.  (Deleted another paragraph) I asked if she had access to others notes in Dad's records. She said she did.  If she had READ Dad's file before she came to see us, she should have seen  his history of falls, his underlying diagnosis of dementia, the fact I had called two of their nurses on Monday to discuss the pain Dad was expressing and what I'd been told to do about it, the fact a nurse and PT had both been out and inspected the care we are giving Dad and feel it is the best place for him to be.  She told me to change elements of Dad's care (use of gait belt, exercises, MEDS). 

She called 10 minutes after leaving. It seems she had NOT read Dad's file before the visit and I should keep doing what I was doing and Dad should not do any lifting over his head. (I have deleted another couple of paragraphs, we were aware of the limitations due to surgery).  I am hopeful the "tone" and "attitude" (of both of us) is different when she returns on Friday. We aren't sure dad needs OT - he simply needs to build strength to be independent. We considered telling the company we were waiving OT. In the end Dad felt it may be the only job she can get and we should give her another chance. ::snort::  Since I am already fighting the perception of being a trouble maker by removing Dad from the nursing facility early....I'll play nicely. 

I am noting trends as we walk through this season. For some "dignity" seems to be the priority in care for the elderly.  I agree. And yet,  dignity is defined by how THEY as a 30 - 50 yo would feel about the situation.  This is flawed as a 50 yo would not react the same as a 79 yo. Another key fact is NOT ALL ELDERS WILL FEEL THE SAME. Past experiences and expectations will come into play.  It seems to be the accepted norm in America, that it is more "dignified" to have strangers care for you than family. People take out policies to pay for long term nursing facility care. I get that and it is probably a wise move - but I think we've forgotten how generations before us cared for the elderly in America. As a child, I knew a few families who had grandparents living with them. Dignity matters.  Safety needs to be considered as well ....and I think safety is sacrificed for the sake of dignity, i.e. no restraints, daughters not taking care of fathers etc. 

Our choices are not the only choices and are certainly not a benchmark for choices other families make. However, we are NOT discounting Dad's desires or dignity. He wants to be home. He wants to be cared for by family rather than strangers. We chat with him about shared memories, we play games, we read the paper together, we follow politics together (oy vey - MERCY), we hug him, we help him. He needs 24/7 supervision. We arrange our sleep and waking schedules to provide it. He is able to do more and more for himself, but he needs someone in line of sight when he does these things. We are happy to provide this.  He needs to learn what is safe in his current condition. It IS caring and respecting of his dignity to help him learn those limitations...rather than let him suffer repeated falls. 

Independence. Honestly, I think for 30 - 50 yo this is a BIG DEAL. We do NOT want to rely on others - for anything.  Dad has been independent. He is happy to have family he can depend on in this season. 

I understand many in America would rather have strangers care for them than family....we are blessed  Dad has been exposed to many cultures, as have we. In every other country we have lived in the norm is to accept the elderly into your home unless it is absolutely not feasible to do so. Honoring your elders includes caring for them at the end of life.  To put them in the care of another, when you CAN provide the care, would be considered shameful and undignified. 

Yes, we bless dad. BUT Dad BLESSES US. We are being formed into the image of Christ as we interact as a family. 

Yes, having Dad here disrupts family rhythm. Yes, we've lost some space. Yes, it's work...but by enfolding Dad into our family, we've all grown. I'm a little less self-centered (and I dare say I'm not the only one). We've had the incredible blessing of our grandchildren knowing their GREAT grandfather. We learn patience and endurance as we watch dad deal with ever-changing health issues. We learn, sometimes, stubbornness is just plain needed. We learn forgiveness and restoration. We learn a bit more about what it means to, "Honor your Father and Mother."  Mary wanted to stay home - honoring meant moving to her town and caring for her. Dad was willing to move into our home. The heart to love and honor remains the same - the choices may look different. We learn to work closely with each other, to watch out for each other, and to care for each other.  As an example, Stacia had youth group tonight. Michael and I had a meeting.  Nolan and Alex are happy to forego sleep (work comes at 0430) on Wed nights to watch movies with GG.  We don't stay and visit, but get home so the guys can get to bed. We are learning new levels of cooperation and care for one another, as we care for Dad. 

Dad loves us, and we are able to give back that love. This season is a gift. I wish all his health care professionals could see the gift, rather than a set of protocols they've decided are "right" for all elderly. Dad is happy, loved, respected, valued, honored, and cared for - here in the midst of family. He is an integral part of our family unit. He brings value to our lives. We bring value to his. 

One "lesson" I've learned in the past week is how Mike's PD disability rating is a blessing in this season.  We could never provide the care Dad needs without both of us home. I've heard "it takes a village," and it does...but we should never discount the importance of the family unit in that village...or even the family unit as a village. 

OK - I DID delete many paragraphs...but this is where I am on this Wednesday night. 

Just Tuesday

 I believe the highlight of my day was lumpia for dinner - the ultimate comfort food. 

Millie has been CRAZY today. She began barking early....I checked and she was moose watching. 

I got Dad settled in the bathroom and ran to take care of a few tasks. The barking got frantic. Do you see the problem? 

Her leash is caught under Dad's wheel! LOL  She also barked to let us know Aaron had dropped off lumber. She barked to alert us to the Physical Therapist, and there was lots of random barking when she wanted to get out in the snow, and when the woodpecker showed up.  

We woke to cold showers! It seems the OTHER water heater went out...Mike was able to get it started. One recent development is Stacia has a job! She works one afternoon a week (and the odd shift) at a local Greek Cafe. She needed to get to work today. Mike sat with Dad while she and I headed to the gym for WARM SHOWERS. Stacia is now the master of all sorts of new types of drinks. 

Dad was going down for a nap when I got home. I actually got a work out in!!! 

The PT was here today and put Dad through his paces.  The therapist agrees a realistic goal is for dad to walk independently with his walker....He loved my "motivational wall art." 

Um...we call that scribbling verses on a mirror.

Contrary to what I was told by previous social workers, if Dad is making rehab progress with his therapy Medicare will keep paying for it. The ball is in Dad's court. If he wants to improve, he'll have to work hard, but they'll pay to continue to work with him as long as he is improving.  I'm relieved to know he will not be cut off after 8 visits if there is still a possibility of improvement. 

OT comes tomorrow. 

Everyone was home for dinner. I'd forgotten to thaw any meat for dinner.  I DID have some freezer bits to pull out and we ended up with a meal of sorts. Krista is attending an ASIST train the trainer training at JBER this week. (Pretty impressive use of the root word train, don't you think?) This is a great opportunity for her as a reservist. 

That's about it for the day - nothing terribly interesting happening around here. LOL 

How Am I REALLY Doing?

 Several have asked me how I "really" am doing. 

This is a TOTALLY new season. I have enjoyed older children, the freedom to meet ladies for tea and lunch, the ability to take a day here and there and go play all day....I have abruptly left that season behind. 

I wasn't prepared for it to feel so overwhelming - but it's territory I remember. It's like those crazy, twilight days when  you bring your first newborn home and wonder, "What did we think we were doing to be trusted with a newborn?" One is on call 24/7 alert. Another depends deeply on you. Sleep is interrupted.  New routines have to be developed. Life begins to center around home.  One finds ways to entertain AT HOME and counts the minutes until a spouse or child comes home to help. ::snort:: 

In the same way, my sleep is short.  I cram every task I can into the hours when Dad naps. Until the ramp is built I really can't take Dad out, it is quite a bit of work to take him out right now anyway. My muscles ache as I do a lot of lifting to enable Dad to "stand" and "move."  I've not been able to accept invitations to play.   His discharge papers state he needs to receive 24/7 supervision.  Now, he was not in 24/7 line of sight in the center....

Millie loves to grab wood from the woodbox

We quickly realized the biggest fall danger dad has is his certainty he CAN walk.  The solution is simply to have someone with him when he is awake.  If  I duck out while he is reading the paper, he is apt to forget and decide he can walk "that little bit." I've caught him several times just as he began to fall.  Twice when grandkids were here he stood up without assistance. I love that - but still one of us needs to be near in case we are needed. He has horrendous bruises from all the falls he has taken.  The hope and prayer is he WILL eventually be able to walk around home, with no assistance other than a walker. Currently, he needs one of us to have him in our sight when he is awake.

I am perplexed. In all the scenarios discussed with the heart surgeon, Dad being unable to move without assistance wasn't mentioned. We continue to pray for Dad's complete recovery. He IS in better spirits here at home. I don't see an improved quality of life resulting from the quadruple bypass. I see the opposite...but he still has 3 1/2 months before he reaches the magical 6 month post-surgery mark. This is the point where they consider he will have reached the level of recovery we can expect.  

At home the evenings end with Farkle and MacGyver.  That beats the nursing center any night according to Dad. 

Yes, we're tired. Yes, the days are long. Yes, there are challenges. But this is family. We are blessed to have Dad at home. We are blessed to have such ready ministry at our fingertips. This matters too. 

And Then There Were Apples!

 This week there were apples!!!!  In the end there were 40 quarts of applesauce, 6 bags of dried apples,  3 bags of apple chips, and one tray of fruit roll ups. 

But first....there was this.

I have been waiting for apples on sale for .99, but I caved. I am not sure we're going to see them that cheap this year. These were YUMMY....and $1.79 a lb. I bought 5 cases - 100 lbs - $179 dollars....I didn't save a lot of money processing them myself...but they are all added sugar free. Dad likes to eat applesauce, Stacia and I use it in our oatmeal, and we replace oil with it as well in some baking recipes. 

I spent  12 hours on Friday making sauce and canning, canning, canning. I WILL FIND A SECOND CANNER BEFORE NEXT YEAR.  I also started a dehydrator load of fruit roll ups and apples drying.   Krista provided me a burst of energy when she got home and began helping....and then she got GG involved. 

Saturday and Sunday I finished the apple slices....we turned 4 cases into sauce and used 1 case for the rest.  One reason I caved on buying apples is the BOXES are great for storing our potato harvest.  But then I've not written about the garden or the big harvests this year yet.....

Note - this is the first time I used the Victorio Food Strainer. The waste spout broke. I've ordered a new part. I'm going to have to look for one with MEDAL parts...and the little motor to add to this is looking better all the time. Though I DID get a bit of an arm workout in. LOL 

"Baby Snow"

Cory works on Sundays and Arielle and Benny often visit. I suspected, with the snow, they'd be over to play at Baachan's Playground. They made it home before the others got home from church. 

He noticed IMMEDIATELY GG's Mickey Mouse shirt. Score. GG wasn't so sure when I suggested he wear it today. I told him I bought it for him JUST for the grands who are all totally INTO Mickey. 

Dad acquired a stack of National Geographic Magazines during his time away. I put them in the front room and there are some amazing photos. Benny enjoyed looking at the photos...

He was quick to notice Baachan needed a little help. 

Benny went outside this morning and labeled the snow "Baby snow," but he did note it was cold. I meant to make it outside to play with them, but as often happens these days, something came up, one thing led to another and by the time I could break free....they were coming back inside. LOL  Thanks to Arielle for sharing some photos. 

Poor little guy had big emotions today. Mama began preparing his room for the addition of a new brother. Change can be hard for all of us. 

I was happy to have the outside visit today! 

First Snow of 2020

 Yesterday, Cy and Crew, Jamin, and Krista and Luke were all here to visit before they (along with Alex and another friend, Josiah) went to try their hand at an Escape Room. 

Stacia stayed home and watched Olivia, Carrie's daughter (as in Cy and Crew). She had a huge list compiled of things for them to do. They kept busy. Livie told me, "This was the best day ever." We loved having them visit.....

Dad began to plan and take steps to get to church this a.m. We did the bath and shaving last night. He woke up at 0430 to be sure he didn't miss his ride. ::snort:: I talked him into sleep and then....it snowed! 

I noted small flakes at 0500 when I took Alex to work...but it's still snowing.....Our ramp isn't built. It was deemed unsafe to try to take the chair and dad up the slippery slope out back. He and I didn't make it out of the house again....but maybe next week. 

Proof I DID actually take a shower and prepare for Church. LOL 

Millie loved the snow! Her first snow. I'm not sure she'll love it as it gets deeper....

This very young bull visited our garden plot...He's not one of the four who have been coming the last few weeks. 

Maybe fall is gone - nah! Not yet! It's only Octo 18th! 

It has continued to snow all morning. Dad finished his paper and chose to transfer to the couch for a nap. I had minutes to begin the great blog catch up of 2020.