Remembering Josiah on His Birthday

You may have noted we are a largish size family. If we were to gather for each and every birthday, anniversary, and accomplishment we would meet often.  While this would be fine with Michael and I - it WOULD fill up most free time and not allow each individual family group to create their own traditions, visit other people, or go on adventures of their choice. In other words, we'd be having potlucks and cake every spare moment. There are 32 of us - guess it's not sooo bad. ANYWAY, we have moved to monthly gatherings on the 3rd Saturday so everyone can plan ahead....and it works for us. 

This February was different. We had lots of birthday and anniversaries and a birth...but we also had Josiah's first birthday away from us. We debated what to do.  We were hoping Carrie and girls could join the family gathering on the 17th...but two days after Josi's arrival they wouldn't be doing anything extra. Michael and I eventually decided for US - we simply couldn't let the day go without marking it. 

We let family know we would be having a dinner at our home on Feb 9th, Josiah's birthday. They were welcome to join us. We planned to have Josiah's favorite meal and dessert. We told them we would leave time to share memories and thoughts with each other. If they felt it was too much and they didn't want to join us, they had the freedom not to come. Some wanted to be with the family but weren't ready for the stories and sharing. Others wanted to be at all but not share. Whatever.  Our goal was not to pressure anyone...but for US we simply couldn't let the day pass without marking it in some way.  Several mentioned they were glad we were doing something as it felt wrong to simply ignore his birthday to them as well.  

OF COURSE the roof calved big time the night and morning of the dinner. Michael got up "early" and began the job of clearing the entryway and driveway. 

THIS has happened often this winter - our entry 

CoRielle are so good to us.  They arrived a couple of hours early and the boys and Cory helped Michael clear the snow. How much snow DID we have...well this is the 2nd story window...and the boys are right outside of it. Unless they've learned how to levitate that's a whole lot of snow!!!!

Can we come in from the out yet? 

Cory & Charles

Benny declares there's too much snow

Danny is on it

Charles

JaRissa and Noah showed up next. Jared was happy to jump into the snow fray. Note the snow blowing over on Michael. LOL 

Jared mans the snow blower

Meanwhile we stayed inside, visited, set the table, worked on lunch and watched the snow warriors.  I started the Chicken Divan. We hadn't made it since October. It was Josiah's favorite - it seems to be a favorite for many of us. Stacia took over making it and agreed it was emotionally hard. 

Arielle - about 35 weeks 

Noah 

Bachan & Noah doing laps

With the snow cleared everyone moved inside. We were all happy to help Jared put bands on the door hangars he and Jamin were going to put out in district neighborhoods. I've not blogged about that yet, have I? Jared is running for State Senate. 

Krista was in Guam, Alex and Carrie and Liv didn't make it. Other than that...we GATHERED. LOL 

Annie assists GG with his puzzle

Larissa, Noah and Jojo

Nolan, Jojo, Jamin & Trudy

Cousin Chase - with Bop It...any game is chase

Jamin & Trudy

Cousins

The table isn't big enough for all of us...the 3 tables...we are resigned to doing some standing around when we're all together. LOL 

OH! This was Jenni's introduction to Family Gatherings
Well - with the bigger group

We enjoyed dinner.  Izaak and Cory took the kids down to the family room when we began to share around the family table. I've debated what to share and what to protect. In the end these are not all my stories to tell. I have journaled memories and emotions and much of this day will stay safe in my journal. We shared childhood stories, parenting thoughts, younger sibs shared how much Josiah's affirmation meant in their lives... We laughed and we cried. We honored who Josiah was among us, and we honored our grief. It was sweet to slow down, stop, remember and reflect. I come away from these times encouraged to continue the fight to love God wholeheartedly, to love others deeply....to love courageously. As parents it is important to us people REMEMBER Josiah. 

As I reflect on the day I wonder if "communion" didn't have some of this element for the disciples. Yes, I know, "It's a sacrament." But as we sat and remembered and felt the presence of both joy and grief...I can't help but think they, like us, were driven to gather and remember and mark a life no longer with them. They were sure to have felt all the emotions as well - because after all Biblical characters ARE human. Like we remember Josiah, I'm sure they remembered Jesus 100's of times a day...and yet there is something good, right and comforting in gathering to remember corporately, in community.  I'm quite sure "communion" wasn't simply a sacrament observed but had the very human dimension of relationship missed.  

I have no idea what we will do in future years...but this was good. 

Meeting Josi Faith

I was at Walmart in Eagle River BRIGHT and EARLY. I picked up a new phone and brought it back to Jared and Larissa's to charge while we all went into Anchorage for them to meet Josi.  I do believe Carrie had more folks in and out of her room than I have EVER seen in a hospital room. Friends, nurses, her family, our family...it was a lot...even with all trying to be super considerate and not come without invitations.  She was gracious to allow us all to share in her exciting day. I was glad Livie had been able to stay at the hospital and that Carrie didn't have any complications. 

Carrie, Liv and Josi

I am trying to find the words to describe this day. It was a day of incredible joy. Josi arrived SAFELY. Carrie did so good to walk through the 4 months of pregnancy with the events of Oct 23rd, the absence of Josiah and all the things that leads to. We had all prayed fervently for the pregnancy, for Josi's safety and Carrie's health. This was a day of answered prayer. It was a day of gratitude and great rejoicing. 

Jared, Noah, Livie, Carrie, Larissa and Josi

It was also a difficult day. Josiah's presence was so real in that room. I could sense his excitement and joy and love for Carrie, Livie and Josi. I knew how very proud he would be of Carrie and how much he longed and prayed for the child she was carrying.  He was so present and yet so absent.  Dallas Willard has said words to the effect heaven and earth are separated by a curtain. That God simply pulls back the curtain and we walk from earth to heaven when we die. Being in this room - I sensed how very thin the curtain is between here and heaven...and yet it IS a separation... Even now I cry when thinking how much Josiah looked forward to raising Livie and Josi and how much we have all lost by his death. We've been robbed. Our hope is in a God who restores and redeems the brokenness of this world. All the feels in one small space and place.  

A big shout out to Providence, who cared for us so well. When we arrived the lady at the door recognized us and wrote out tags for us with cheery and compassionate words. The nurses took such great care of our gals. And when one or more of us had to bounce into the hall to release emotions, they were compassionate and kind. 

God was so very good to us to shepherd little Josi safely into our arms. I've never been so aware of how a child contains the life of a parent. A little slice of Josiah's life, his DNA, is still alive and well on earth with us through Josi.  It's really impossible to describe the day...but I've tried. 

Jamin and Josi

Josi Faith is such a beautiful gift of God to so many people! 

I actually think this is from the first night. 

A Happy Bachan with two sweet girls! 

Jared and Josi

Noah was not sure WHAT he thought of Mommy and Daddy holding a little baby! It was amazing to us how much Noah seemed to grow overnight when compared to Josi. 

Jared & Larissa with Josi and Noah

We have thought and commented on how thankful we are that Jared and Larissa had moved back from Juneau and had the last 2 1/2 - 3 years to live in the same neighborhood with Josiah, Carrie and Liv. What a blessing it is to have them living so nearby to Carrie and the girls! Jamin has also moved back to Eagle River. Carrie's neighbors are amazing too. It's always a race to see who will shovel her drive first. 

Such gifts to our hearts - Larissa and Josi

Ah! Noah bear wants to be sure we all know THIS is HIS Mommy! 

We all left, and hoped Carrie would get some rest. I headed back to the Valley and drove back in the afternoon, with the girls, Michael and GG. GG decided not to hold Josi, he said she was too small. But we all got to meet her. 

Pastor Brian asked a couple of months ago where we were finding joy in this season. I didn't have a ready answer...but we are finding joy right here! Look at that doll! 

So blessed. 

Allie and Josi

Livie with the Aunts

I really don't know who Josi will end up looking like. I know her dark head of hair comes from Carrie! She has her Daddy's dimples, his long toes and fingers and Carrie reports she has his laid-back personality. It will be fun to get to know her as she grows into her personality. 

Josi and Stacia

Papa and Josi

Krista was out of the country when Josi was born. She was quick to go meet Josi when she got home. The emotions hit like a freight train...such joy and grief...together. It truly is o.k. God made us human.

We are so thankful, blessed and relieved for Josi's safe arrival. I think it is fitting to insert this screenshot here. This is part of the prayer prayed for our family shortly after Josi's arrival. 

Josi's Birth Story from Bachan's Perspective

What we didn't say online is we have been on baby watch for a week, and we weren't sure Carrie would make it to today - her induction date.  Jess, her sister-in-law, has been sleeping at their home all week. My phone has been charged, with me and ON all week.  But TODAY - we met up bright and early at Providence. 

Jess braiding Carrie's hair

We settled in for a long day. I love this blanket Carrie and Livie brought from home. Their neighbor from Carrie's assignment in England made it for Liv. The squares are photos of Josiah. 

About this time Jess and I ran down to get drinks and a bite at one of the shops downstairs. I promptly dropped my phone in the toilet. Therefore, the rest of these photos are compliments of Jess. I was unable to send updates to anyone at home - and I'm sorry for that - but I was glad to be forced to be in the moment and not on my phone! 

Eventually, things picked up. It was an honor and a joy to share this day with Carrie and Livie and Jess. 

And then Josi Faith was here! She's perfection.  Perfection because she's a new life. But in this moment, it hit me...she's a piece of Josiah who will continue on...and there were tears.  Josiah's presence was so missed. He should have been there and it's horribly unfair that another's rage robbed his family of his presence. We had been so focused the emotions were in check but at this moment...we shared grief and joy together.  Josi Faith arrived on Feb 7th, 2024 at 6:12 p.m. She was 20 in long and 7 lbs 12 oz. 

A word about the nurses at Providence. I know Carrie works there, but these nurses are exceptional. They care for their patients with a level of compassion and grace that isn't always seen. The plan had been for Livie to cut the cord. They prepared her for a bit of blood. When the time came Liv declared she was not going to do it. Carrie asked me to do it. I've never got to cut a baby's cord and was thrilled. 

As I got ready, I felt Liv would regret NOT cutting the cord and offered the honor to her, but she was still not wanting it. I used my Bachan voice and asked her to come on up and help me. It was a good call...we did it together and Liv is excited to have done it.  And, yes, there was more blood than either of us expected. 

What a great moment with Liv & Josi. 

My heart...joy and grief manifested. 

I'm so proud of Carrie. Labor is never easy. Labor and postpartum in the midst of grief - unthinkable. Yet, Carrie did the unthinkable. Michael said it best when he went to meet Josi, "It is almost as if you can SEE Josiah in the room with you." 

Love these girls - Josiah's Girls

I left the hospital to head to JaRissa's. Remember, my phone was not working. I knew I wouldn't have the GPS but was sure I knew the way back to the highway. Somehow, I turned left when I should have gone right and ended up at the AIRPORT instead of NORTH of Anchorage. I was totally turned around and visited quite a few of the seamier neighborhoods of Anchorage before a police officer directed me back on the path to the highway.  What should have taken me 30 minutes took over 2 hours. I had no phone numbers, no phone, no gps... it was an adventure. 

Jared Runs for Alaska State Senate

On January 22nd, Jared filed with the Alaska Public Offices Commission to run for the State Senate for District L, Eagle River, Chugiak, Birchwood and Peter's Creek area. The seat is currently held by Sen. Kelly Merick, who has chosen to be part of the Democrat-dominated Senate majority caucus.  You can check out his platform and campaign at Jared for Alaska.   To follow the day to day adventure of the campaign, follow Jared Goecker for State Senate on Facebook. 

Jared & Noah file for office

Larissa, Jared and Noah 

Jared's Campaign Announcement. 

Jan 31st found us at a campaign fundraiser for Jared in Eagle River. 

Mike & I with Jared, Noah and Larissa

Jared, Noah, Larissa 

Jamin, Jared, Nolan and Alex

Watching Jared step into a statewide political campaign was a surreal moment. Josiah was missed.  We are all proud of Jared for his willingness to step onto a hard path with the hopes of having a positive impact in the state we love. 

Noah finds security in Uncle Jamin's arms

I've mentioned in other posts Jamin, Jared and Noah out knocking on doors every spare moment.  This is an incredibly busy time for JaRissa. 

We are cheering them on! 

Editors Note: Yes, we've worked hard to keep last names and locations off the blog. That was hard with Jamin's real estate business/YouTube channel, nearly impossible after Josiah's murder and is impossible now that Jared is running for office. 

Thursdays with Jenni (or Introducing Jenni)

In 2020 Jenni and her sister Joelle (along with her family) came into our lives. They had moved to Alaska and settled in at the church where we attended and served as Associate Pastors.  Joelle and Jenni began attending our online ladies Bible studies - covid close down y'all.  Both girls are pure gold; but I'm going to focus on Jenni for a minute here.  Over time Jenni began serving with youth and was also the church's Children's Director. She joined our life group, and our lives began intersecting in numerous ways. The girls knew her as a youth leader. Stacia interned with her in Children's Ministry. We all interacted at life group. I found connections with her from us both being missionary kids...and hearing her experience 30 years after my experience began to bring healing to parts of my life.  We enjoyed tea, dinners, Sunday meals out, retreats, Costco trips...in short, we offered community to Jenni.   In those early days when she was new to life group and we knew we were inviting her out a lot, we made clear to her we would NEVER try to fix her up with one of our sons. Several of the Gherkins have been single in their 30's and we know how hard that can be at church. She became family rather quickly.  Those who know our ministry know we spent decades ministering to 20's and 30's and it is rather common for us to have a few singles join our family.  It was familiar. 

We became aware rather early Jenni and Jamin, our son, had met online and didn't hit it off. That's fine. Our love and commitment to both continued. 

Then came October 2023.  

Josiah was murdered and we stepped back from all ministry responsibilities, focused our ministry on family, and began to attend church in Eagle River with Carrie and many of our kids.  As we talked this over as a family an expressed fear was losing our local community of support.  The girls both voiced not wanting to lose Jenni. Michael and I predicted we would not lose Jenni. During this time one young friend mentioned we'd still have friendships, we'd just have to work harder to maintain them as routine meet ups were no longer built into our weeks. This has proven true. Those who have wished to maintain relationship have done so. 

ANYWAY, back to JENNI.  She knows the art of sitting with those in the ashes. She came over and brought favorite ice cream flavors from Big Dippers and hot drinks. She came just to sit.  She went to court with us and stayed close. She brought ingredients over and cooked dinner and stayed when invited to eat with us.  One night the house was full and loud, and it was wonderful...but I was suddenly overwhelmed. I retreated to my recliner in the nook and sat with my grief. Jenni came, sat at my feet, gave me a foot massage and simply cried with me.  Visitors here for the funeral began to ask me who Jenni was, and several commented she and Jamin would make a great couple. I told them Jenni was OUR person and that was quite enough. We were totally staying away from any matchmaking. There was one afternoon when the girls were out in the yard with Jenni and Jamin went out. They began throwing a squash (a decoration long past it's time) across the yard. And I thought and commented to Michael, "Hmm, there may be something there that wasn't there before." 

Over time Thursdays became our night with Jenni. This is the night we previously had life group. It fit our current schedules. It wasn't planned...it just kept happening...dinner, games, conversation.... sometimes she didn't work on Friday and could stay late or sleep over, other times it was an earlier night.  We invited her (and Jamin too) to a Christmas play and a few things like that. She became more and more a part of family...and we joked about her "other family" and needing to be sure we shared well.  Jenni is now on our calendar. Most Thursdays find us enjoying dinner together and then watching an episode of All Creatures... while the girls knit and such. 

I think it was late into December when we became aware Jamin and Jenni were spending time hiking, skiing, being friends. We offered no unsolicited advice. We did not discuss this with Jenni, didn't tell the girls, we were determined not to get into the middle of their friendship.

Mid-January Jenni flew back into state and went to a gala with Jamin that night.  THAT'S a real friend...or maybe...yeah...friends. 

January also found Jenni attending meet ups Jamin hosts for those whom he sells houses too.  They were climbing glaciers, hiking buttes and sledding to find the perfect spots for winter meet ups. 

One afternoon they stopped over and it seemed obvious to all four of us they were probably more than friends...but we were determined not to make assumptions.  They finally told us... Yep....they are officially dating. 

There seems to have been a bit of confusion so to be clear - they are not engaged, they are dating.  We asked only that Jamin remember she was OUR girl first and honor Thursdays with Jenni.  (Alright, y'all we'll flex as needed.) 

I had been thinking I should explain who Jenni is as she is often in our stories, and now that they are dating, I certainly needed to say something or y'all would begin asking. 

Note the ice on the beard and eye lashes. LOL 

Hiking a glacier in negative temps - yep they're both crazy that way. 

I could say much more - but this is enough to introduce Jenni to you. I've said it before - friends from different generations have the potential to enrich life. I'm so glad Jenni and I (and Jenni and the girls) are friends.  We're also pretty happy she's dating Jamin.