Courageous Joy

Jamin's Book Critique - Excitement of our Day

I've mentioned that Jamin has joined the Christian Writer's Guild. He is part of their squire program and has assignments that he has to turn into a mentor. The mentor has been tough - nice but tough. She keeps telling him to "dig deeper". I find it hilarious. Jamin has found it frustrating. She has never really said, "good job"....always more like "when we ask a question we expect you to write fully on the topic". In Jamin's defense, I've NEVER used a formal writing program with any consistency. He's used to writing as concisely as possible for history etc. I haven't given them "story starters" or expected them to "write a sentence on...."...so this is all new to him to have them say "write a line from a teen magazine." This one perplexed us. He'd never READ a teen magazine. He took a stab at it, rather than going to find one to read to see what authors write like in teen magazines. She wasn't impressed and told him to research teen magazines. ::snort:: He's been online trying to understand "teen magazines" and told me tonight that he thinks I'm going to have to go buy a teen magazine or two because he isn't "getting it".

OK that's ALL background to say that it's been a bit disheartening to LOVE to write, and have this mentor telling you that you can't write a sentence to her satisfaction on a fairly routine basis. I think he was beginning to wonder what the critique service would say about his book. I was wondering.

We sent the first 6 pages of his book to their critique service. They remove your name and all personal info about you and the rater. They send back a critique that is very helpful and "unbiased". *I* feel like sending it on to his mentor! LOL I'm not sure where we go from here, but Jamin got his critique for the 6 pages of his book today. They were able to tell the category, the overview and such accurately. The person reading the script is not told if the author is a teen, part of the guild etc.

They told him to watch the details. They gave several examples where he didn't have them nailed...and we laughed. We've all read it and never caught these and they are SO obvious. I think he'll need some new eyes to read the story for him. They also talked to him about his "inappropriate interjection of the omniscient narrator" and that it destroyed the "illusion you've so ably built. It's as if Capt. Jack Sparrow were to lok at the audience from the movie screen and say "You and I both know I'm really an overpaid actor named Johnny Depp." ::snort:: I've told all the boys this repeatedly....and the reviewer got the point across so well "keep yourself out of your story!" I think they'll remember now! They also mentioned that he needs to watch his homonyms.

Those were the ONLY bad things they had to say. Here are some of my favorite quotes from the rest of the critique:

"Your writing has an excellent internal rhythm that is in keeping with your story. It flows naturally and gracefully."

"You've done an exceptional job of making your characters believable and likable with a minimum of words. Your style is spare and thoughtful. You make each word work for you to create a vivid picture in readers' imagination."

"You have tremendous potential as a writer and storyteller. I hope you'll continue with this story - it promises to be a good one - and keep working to hone the already sizable writing gift you have."

I had gotten him a book titled, *The First Five Pages: A Writer's Guide to Staying Out of the Rejection Pile* by Noah Lukeman. He used that to rewrite the first 6 pages over and over. He's in the process of reworking the entire 350+ pages this way.

We're still praying and researching the next step. I do believe that the program with the guild will be good for him. He needs to sharpen his skills and being told WHAT to write and WHEN is good for him. ::snort:: I told him this is what most writing programs are like....we simply haven't used programs. The book he has written is fantasy and really isn't Christian fantasy so I don't know that the guild will be a lot of help to him in finding a publisher. I don't think he's interested in "tacking in the gospel" to make it Christian....but the world view is Christian. LOL