Today we had one of those "ARGH - this is tough" parenting moments.
If you've read the blog for a bit of time you know that we have a few challenges in parenting. ::snort:: It's OK - God is on the move and God created these children with their personalities because they will NEED these personalities to fulfill His call in their lives.
We went to a football game today. It was the game of Caleb and Andrew - sons of one of our deployed chaplains. It was perfect weather for a game. Both boys made touch downs - Hoot! Hoot! Mike took zillions of cool photos to send to their dad. I'll print a disc and give them. All good.....
However, AFTER the game I was told this by Nolan: There were two boys that were calling Zander dirty names. They were rude. They were pushing him. Zander walked away and they followed and continued. Nolan asked them what Zander had done to make them so mad. They were Nolan's age - 3 to 4 years older than Zander. They said, "Nothing. It's just fun to make him mad." WELL - THAT would have been a good time for Nolan to have come and told me. Evidently this went on for a good part of the game...and we were totally unaware. ::sigh::
At the very moment I was being told this, Mike was being told on the other side of the field that Zander was "very rude" and told "everyone to shut up" and "pushed a boy". Obviously not behavior we condone.
Mike found me. We compared notes and had the full story. Ugh. I wish he'd told me earlier. We dealt with Zander's rudeness. He said they were not leaving him alone, they kept taking things, pushing him etc....Nolan and Arielle confirmed this....so I see WHY he finally had had enough and pushed them and yelled at them all to shut up and leave him alone...but that is not acceptable either.
Parenting doesn't always have cut and dried answers. We talked about how to continue to act like Jesus when others are being mean to you. Zander informed me that Jesus doesn't want them to be bullies...all true...all true.... ::sigh::
Mike is back at work....and I need to go set up for co-op tomorrow and find some cuddle time with the kids.... I don't feel like a great, on top of it, aware of their circumstances type mom tonight.
8 comments:
That's so sad that those kids were picking on Zander. Parenting is tough!
I'm shocked he didn't let them have it IMMEDIATELY - but he DOES make it fun for folks to pick at him. He does.
It's also very easy (based on his personality and past) to believe the worst when you see him acting. We are learning SLOWLY to stop and find out what is going on. BUT still.....if I could just be two places at the same time!
Reminds me of a time when Emily bit a child.. she was probably 3 or 4... the mom came uncorked. I couldn't believe Em would just do that unproved because she had never done that before that I was aware of. So, we scolded her and then I went to the downstairs area to observe from behind a wall and discovered that this boy was tackling her, covering her mouth, and not letting her up!!! Then it was my turn to come uncorked!!!
Ahhhhh the ups and downs that come with parenting. Poor Zander but at least he stuck up for himself. Kids can be downright rude and mean. It really bugs me when I find out that another kid has been bullying another. I don't know why kids find it "fun" to hurt or be mean to another. Hugs to Zander and to mom too :-)
De'Etta, one of our children has a tendency to make it easy for others to pick on him too. Now we're diligent about getting the *rest of the story*. I try to look at these situations as another opportunity to grow in grace although while in the midst it can be challenging.
We have this exact same issue with Colin. Older girl loves to get him going or even be mean to him to get him to retaliate, just because she knows he will eventually. He's older than Zander and does better a keeping it together for longer. We're still working on tell Mom or any grown up when this is going on. Don't act, then the other child will be the one in trouble not you. Of course sometimes the other child can be sneaky. So hard. Seems like some kids know just what other kids to taunt for a reaction and how to pretend they did nothing to provoke.
Parenting is hard indeed. We have been having weekly discussion about how even if someone is mean to you God doesn't want you to be mean back. The right thing is always to tell a grown up even if you know the little stinker who was mean will get away with it and lie. To Colin I tell him his behavior is my main concern and even if the other child's parent never hears the truth about what happens God will take care of it somehow, sometime or God knows what happened even if nobody else does. He's getting it sometimes now but he is 9 and Zander is 5. It's hard, you're right.
De'Etta,
I've been praying.
Laura
Sis, Alexander & Nolan:
Love you all so much and will keeo on praying a lot for you all.
Alexander, we are proud that you managed to be cool for awhile.
Nolan, we are proud of you for sticking up for your brother and for talking to Mom etc.
Sis: love this from your post...
"God is on the move and God created these children with their personalities because they will NEED these personalities to fullfill His call in their lives!!
You and Mike are awesome. Please do remember and tell the kids we pray for you all a lot.
love/prayers
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