Josiah's Car Came Home

 It seems the "hard" of this situation keep coming. Today, Josiah's car came to our home.  The police still have his keys. We can't find a spare set. It seemed good to get it moved, and Carrie and Livie don't need it in their garage. I knew it was being towed here. And still...

My first thought as I caught the red flash coming down the driveway was, "Josiah's here!" 

He often dropped by unannounced and Jamin had dropped by this morning without me knowing he was coming. 

 As I began to move towards the door to welcome Josiah, it all hit me again! The brain does play tricks. 

I cried big and ugly. 

I went out and watched until I had to quit watching. The tow truck driver was very empathetic, and he knew his job, as well. It turns out he knew Josiah. Josiah often called him to tow cars from Alpine and Legacy before that. He told us how sorry he was and said Josiah was one of the "good guys." 

He told us he understood what we are feeling. He said the therapists will tell you they understand but they don't. Then he shared a personal story with so much tragedy and horror we had to admit we don't know what HE FEELS.  Yes, he certainly understands our feelings. 

It's nestled into a little spot. It will cause trouble for Shawn, our plow man. Michael said we'll move it when we get the keys from the police. The tow operator pointed out the messages on the back of his window.  He told us the tenants called Josiah Big Daddy J and had left a note or two on the car. 

I couldn't help myself. I looked inside. I would have sat inside if I could. Liv's toy...empty lunch containers... marks of a life cut suddenly short.  It's all so senseless and hard. We miss him so much. 

So, yeah, an emotional day - but it feels good to have the car secured and to be able to do this to help out is a blessing. It's another hard good. 

I got most the fall stuff down. Michael began popping Christmas boxes inside...for the most part I've just looked at them...I did hang two wreaths.  I mean that and a tree and we can call it good, right? 

After this emotional day, this fall decor will stay until we're good and ready to move on. ::snort:: Fall is way too short in Alaska anyway! 

Bringing his car home from Alpine where Josiah worked is one of the hard milestones we knew we'd pass along this journey. There remains many more emotional and legal hards to navigate. 

GRACE NOTES:

1. Josiah's car is secure at our place.

2. We got some minutes to spend with Jamin.

3. Michael had a good lunch with two friends - Ed and John.