Lazy Saturday - Five Months

Thursday and Friday were emotional days for both Michael and me. Wonderful memories kept surfacing which are totally welcome and yet often bring tears as well as smiles. We are getting used to this.  Today marks five months since Josiah's death. This song has been playing in my head the past couple of days...I Miss Everything About You... Yep...the feels must be that another anniversary was upon us and our souls KNOW even when we don't consciously plan to remember. 

The girls are off on an adventure which I will blog about when they get back. We are eagerly awaiting the arrival of Ellie...and so I chose to wave goodbye, rather than join them on the adventure. 

GG went to bed at his normal time. Michael and I had hours of quiet to talk - which is good as we were both dealing with all the feels at the same time. The Northern Lights were out last night...and I had a "moment" when I remembered how often Josiah would text or call and say, "Y'all may want to watch for lights they are out in Eagle River."  I saw an eagle and it reminded me of how excited young Josiah was to see his first eagle. Josiah loved Alaska. 

This morning, I punched down dough which had been rising overnight and formed a pan of rolls. I fed the starter and started the process to have a round of bread to bake tomorrow morning.  This all takes about 15 min tops - 5 min on a day without rolls - and I get to start the day feeling like I accomplished at least one thing in the day! LOL 

GG rang the bell, and we went through the morning routine...and then I told Michael I was heading out. This photo tells the story. I needed to mail a package to Michael's sister, return a library book and deliver eggs to a friend/customer at Three Bears. AND I made a protein shake to take on the road as I hadn't had time for breakfast and knew I'd be hungry before I got home. 

I left the library with a full basket and a full heart. Jennifer, my favorite librarian, was working.  She gave me a hug and shared some kind words about losing Josiah. She didn't know how lonely I felt today, how much I was missing Josiah visiting on a Saturday with Liv, her hug was perfectly timed.  I continue to explore new genres of reading. 

Yes - I DO need notes. I've had this package in my van all week! LOL 

Back at home I baked rolls and stretched sourdough...sent Michael to take a nap...and began reading a book. I double (triple) wrapped these, dated them and threw them in the freezer for a night when I may need rolls and don't have time to make them. Planning ahead for sourdough can be a challenge for me. LOL 

So...other than that...we had dinner. Michael is editing a paper for Krista. GG is working on a puzzle and I'm about to go READ. 

Carrie sent a couple of photos of the girls from the land of SUN....I mean we are getting lots of bright sun this week but it's still a bit chilly to be outside in summer clothes. 

These girls love the sun! 

Look at that smile! 

OH - and THIS - the little slip mat under the Bosch works "fairly well." It does great on the first speed and works on the second. It began moving all over on the third speed...but it was much better. I'll keep looking for a better mat. 

GRACE NOTES: 
1. Late night conversations with Michael...someone to travel this journey with who feels the same joys and pains. 

2. So thankful for a loving God who journeys with us and gives the gracious gift of lament for times like these. 

3. It has been nice to have a quiet day. 

4. That hug at the library was perfect! And ministered greatly. The ministry of presence. 

Note: The photos of the girls are from Carrie! 

Noah's First Haircut

We knew it was going to happen. 

Baby Noah was born with a fantastic, darling, amazing, FULL head of hair! I've never seen anything like it. Check it out. 

Jared and Larissa have been talking about the eventuality of Noah's first haircut. His long curls were darling...but the day came when Larissa scheduled Noah's first appointment with a salon. 

Noah seems to sense what is coming! 

Noah @ 14 months

Larissa went into the salon with a baby and came out with a fantastic, handsome TODDLER. I imagine this will be easier to keep up - maybe... Doesn't that look like a fun salon? 

He still has the same incredible personality and engaging smile! 

Note - all these photos are from Larissa! 

Such a Fun Spring Day!

This was an incredibly busy spring Thursday. I managed to get 2 miles in on the treadmill before Dad woke up. This was a bonus!  I got dad through the morning routine and headed to the college to pick up Stacia. We enjoyed our study on atonement/forgiveness. We parted ways after lunch and she headed to physical therapy while I went to play with Bella, Gideon and Jojo. Annie and Trudy had well baby checks today. 

We had an impromptu tea party...and then played astronauts and Throw the Burrito. Before we knew it Bre was walking in the door with the girls. 

Cory and Arielle came over with the boys about the time I got home. This is an exciting day of the year! Spring is here...they began clearing paths through the snow so we can get around our yard and enjoy it a bit. The temps are in the mid 40's and the kids would like to be able to run and play in the yard, I'd like to get to the greenhouse...as you can see the snow is still deep. Paths will help. We couldn't help but think back to Josiah and Michael making paths last April. 

Cory and Michael came up with a system involving the snow blower, shovel and pick axe. Yes, there is snow, an inch or two of ice and then lots of snow on top of the ice. 

Arielle managed to talk Dad into going out on the deck for a bit. He didn't stay out long. He never does. 

Ellie is taking her sweet time...she will arrive before the end of this month! Any time now. Both Benny and Danny were born earlier in the pregnancy than this. LOL 

Charles (above) and Danny (below) found the amount of snow quite challenging. They used up quite a bit of energy outside today.  The temps were great and the sun was AHHHmazing!  BTW, we had 12 hours of sunlight today and will be gaining more light every day now until June 21st. 

Benny managed to pull the sled with Danny on it across the yard to the playhouse. I was impressed. He called for me to come get on the hammocks, but I told him I was waiting for a path. 

While we were visiting, Stacia got home and then Jenni popped in! I extended an invite to Corielle, but they had pizza dough in their fridge at home. I'm learning my oven is simply wonky with meatloaf...so our dinner was later than I'd hoped...none of us really minded the time to visit. We cleaned up dinner, skipped the game this week as we were running late and went right to the living room for Season 2, Episode 1 of All Creatures Great and Small. 

Jenni's project

Allie & Stacia with projects

Other news of import is these three are off on a jet plane! Josi's first trip to Florida...

📷by Carrie

I DO have photos of my bread...but today there is no need to post any of them. LOL 

GRACE NOTES:

1. Hugs when weeping interferes with everyday life. 

2. Glorious sun! 

3. Lots of family time today...

The Day Arrived

I tell family I take a photo of bread every morning so if I have no other photos in a day, I at least have ONE photo for the blog. 

Yes, that day arrived! Here's a photo! ::snort::  The one on the right rose beautifully, but I forgot to bake it due to "The List," trying to work out and just keeping up with the morning routine. When I remembered, it had over-proofed and deflated. I baked it anyway. It was a bit dense, but we got a meal out of it. The one on the left is the loaf I baked this morning...it was on the verge of deflating. It actually had started to shrink but I threw it in the oven before it was totally flat. 

I DID  3.25 miles on the treadmill...and that was an accomplishment as the pedi gal "sanded" the back of my heel and it hurts to wear shoes! LOL 

I wanted to make significant progress on "The List" before Thursday and Friday. I have. I balanced our checkbook. I HAVE kept Dad's bills current, but I haven't done any of the bookwork since Oct 18th. I didn't have the mental/emotional energy. I simply paid all his bills, bought all the things he needed and kept receipts. Today, I got all his receipts entered into his expense tracker, balanced his checking account and paid ourselves some HEFTY reimbursements... honestly, he hadn't paid for anything in 5 months...and that solved the mystery of why things felt TIGHT in our checking when they shouldn't have.😏 I have a few things I still want to get done before Friday...make the appointment with our accountant for taxes, pack and mail a package, and gather all the tax stuff. I am getting it done - and it feels good.  

While I worked on the computer - I broke every 15-30 minutes to stretch sourdough.  I have a loaf which will ferment overnight and hopefully not OVERproof so that it doesn't look sunken and "flabby.". 😂

Allie worked on homework all.day.long. 

Stacia worked on homework and then had a Japanese class and her counseling appointment. She was to meet up with Nolan, Alex and Krista for dinner after her appointment - maybe. 

Michael had an appointment then ran to Walmart for rice flour (I can't find it locally).  I popped a quick pizza in the oven for Dad and Allie. Michael and I grabbed food and ran out to lifegroup. 

We pulled up in good time this week. We discovered lifegroup had been cancelled. I need to make it a practice to check text messages before leaving home. We had a nice visit with Lynn, our leader, and then came home for a leisurely night. 

Meanwhile Krista sent photos...they had dinner, went for a walk and then stopped at Big Dipper. Those of us at home opted for a bit of quiet introvert time at the end of a busy day. 

Nolan, Krista, Stacia, Alex 📷by Krista

It looks like break up! 📷by Krista

Everyone is settling to finish homework or go to bed...Michael is catching up on YouTube and working a crossword puzzle. I think I'll go see if I can find a flat rate box before I settle down to read. 

GRACE NOTES: 

1. Michael filled my car with gas! 

2. Allie watched GG so we could try to attend lifegroup - just that little bit of time alone was helpful. 

3. The crossed off items on "The List" are growing. 

4. Krista picked up a pair of clearance running shoes for me at the BX... saving me a trip to the BX. 

5. Family - I am incredibly thankful for family today. The relationships I have with each of them, the relationships they have with each other. 

Catching Up

I spent all of Monday working on my "The List." Michael and I collaborated on the list Sunday night. We've gotten behind.  It's a long list. I entered our receipts into the expense tracker, started going through the checking account, paid some bills, filled out medical paperwork, and called the girls' therapist office to figure out WHY we are being charged such different rates.  We also worked on catching up laundry.

In the afternoon I raced to pick up Stacia and take her to Physical Therapy. I have great hope this will be the answer she needs for TMJ...though they say stress is a main factor and many in college have TMJ...adding our recent life and I can see why she'd have trouble. In any event, it feels good to be working towards a good spot for her. She began with the pain over a year ago and they suggested having her wisdom teeth out. She did. It still hurts.  

I picked up dad's meds and a few groceries Michael had texted to say we needed and headed home. Michael and I enjoyed a "quiet" evening at home with GG while the girls went to college. 

Today, I continued to work on "The List." I filled out ministerial credential renewals, applied for AK PFDs, called the state to deal with a clerical error they made, finished our bills, worked on balancing the checking account, began Dad's bills, called to schedule a makeup pedicure and ended up going in IMMEDIATELY. 

Allie had an evening class. Stacia came home from college and Nolan arrived about the same time. They stayed and had dinner with GG then watched a movie while Michael and I went out to eat dinner with this young man...and his parents! 

"Hello, Oliver!"

We love any time we get with Ethan and Stacy. I can count on one hand the amount of invites we've had to eat in people's homes since leaving the military. We treasure the invites.   We enjoyed Ethan's stories; the food was great - all in all it was a nice break for Michael and me. 

We arrived home at the very minute GG had declared it was bedtime. Michael handles the bedtime routine. We settled down to visit and were still there an hour later when Allie got home from class. We continued to talk until around midnight when Nolan decided he needed to go home. LOL 

Tomorrow, I will attempt to make normal looking loaf of bread - today's over-proofed and deflated and I will continue to play catch up...so if I don't blog...you can imagine. I hope to complete "The List" by Friday. LOL 

Remembering - By Carrie

Note: Carrie has given us permission to save some of her thoughts here on the blog.

Sweet Josi Faith 

It was around this time last year when we started doing fertility treatments and had our first IUI failure after trying to get pregnant for over a year. I thought for sure that was the hardest struggle I’d have to go through, but life had other plans.

I remember finding out I was pregnant last year on June 2nd. I had probably taken close to 50 pregnancy tests since we had been married so didn’t think it would be a big deal to take one while I was home alone, and Josiah was fishing with his brothers in Seward. I was completely shocked when the digital test said “pregnant” and the second test (can’t ever just take 1 ) had a strong second line. I was pacing around my house in prayer just thanking God over and over while happy tears flowed. I texted Josiah to hurry home so I could talk to him about something.

He told the story of getting that text while they were in Girdwood getting pizza. He told his brothers they had to hurry home because he thought I was going to tell him I was pregnant. Much to his dismay, his brother's friend had just ordered food and it was taking a super long time. Even worse, by the time he got home I was asleep (pregnancy ya know) and he had to wait until the next morning for the good news. He was so excited to add to our little family.

As I sit here nursing our 5-week-old baby girl, I feel that feeling only grief provides… extreme joy and extreme sadness all at the same time. Who even knew that was possible?! Anger and gratitude felt in the same breath.

I’m grateful for Olivia. She has been incredible both with helping with Josi and making me feel so loved and cared for.

I’m grateful that God protected my body during my pregnancy and that Josi is prefect and healthy.

I’m grateful for my work family and to be financially secure enough to take this time away from work to focus on Olivia, Josi, and myself. The average bereavement leave is 3-5 DAYS. Which is crazy. By the time I return to work in May, I’ll have taken 7 months off which has truly been the biggest blessing. Meanwhile my work family has continued to love me, check on me, and encourage me.

I have to admit, being a solo parent is hard and I’m running on 5-6 hours of sleep nightly. But I’m grateful for my community and extremely thankful to have trustworthy friends and family to help watch Josi and help with Olivia when needed.

Most of all, I’m thankful for Jesus. I feel like He is holding my hand walking right beside me.

Whew, sorry for a way too long and over sharing post. I’ve gotten good at those

Sunday Happenings & Sermon Summary LOL

Sunday mornings find us zipping up the freeway to Eagle River. We were a smaller group than normal today...we only had to score 12 seats this morning. JaRissa are ill. Carrie's parents are in AZ. Jamin arrived late. Look at these girls all decked out in Irish Green! 

Carrie & Josi - 5 1/2 weeks

More girls in green

Jamin had a showing in the valley and had to leave us. Luke and Rylan decided to go off on their own adventure and Krista came to lunch with us. Kaelyn was enjoying time with friends. Carrie suggested we go to Pizza Man, a place where they used to go after church and where we had never been. It was GOOD FOOD. I was relieved to find something other than Mexican in Eagle River. ::snort:: 

backside of Josi, Carrie, Stacia, Krista, Livie, Allie, GG, Mike

Front view of Josi. 

There's a lot of energy in this group - they will change their world. 

Livie, Allie, Stacia, Krista

After lunch we drove to JBER to take Krista home.  As we LEFT base we were selected for a random drug search of our vehicle. What a sight we were climbing out of the car so they could search. 

Pretty shady characters! ::snort:: 

The girls met Jamin at the movie theater. Originally, Nolan and I were going but both of us had "things" come up. I'm content to stream the movie when it comes out. 

Michael and I had a fun talk about this morning's sermon...and I watched it again, I wanted to nail down a quote by Neil Cole. It helps to be able to pause a pastor as one writes. snort:: Pastor Brian's sermon is titled, "What Kind of Church is This?" He shared the vision of who ACF church is ... When we were fairly new at MAG Pastor Shannon did a series called, "This is Us." It was a series on his vision for the church. This sort of series is so helpful when one is getting to know a church. We noted Pastor Shannon's phrase, "Your partner in becoming" was also about discipleship.  Pastor Brian did a great job and left us with much to pray over and meditate on. Here are some of the things which stand out to us... 

Many see church as they do a trip Sudsy Salmon... put it in neutral, lean back and hope to come out cleaner. 

ACF church exists to make disciples. 

When discipleship gets hard, we can leave, or we can lean in.

One can be a disciple without being a Christian (interesting verses and conversation as we discussed this) but one cannot be a Christian without becoming a disciple. 

Great discussion on the Word, Mission and Spirit... three essential elements at ACF church - and what happens when one element is missing.

Behind you is a wake of discipleship - for better or worse. People will follow you and you can tell who you are following by what it produces in your life and in the lives of those following you. 

The church only becomes what we are becoming individually. 

If you don't love people; you don't love God. Which is why ACF church can say with boldness "You don't have to believe to belong." Belonging often precedes believing...in Jesus' ministry and at ACF church. 

A long quote from Neil Cole about rivers and lakes..... "A lake and a river are very different things. In broad strokes: a river is constantly changing, adapting and moving. A river can forge into rough ground and smooth it out over time. A river can carve out great canyons and transport goods to those who are in need downstream. A river can create energy; it is a power source. A lake is constant, comfortable and mostly unchanging. We can walk into the lake and walk out in exactly the same place with no change. With a river, however, when we enter into it, we are moved and cannot possibly exit in the same place in which we first encountered it. All who enter into the river are moved to another place, taken into the flow and thrust into deeper waters. A lake is safe; we can wade in at our own pace and go as deep as we want to go. A river is dangerous and will sweep us into its momentum and perhaps take us to places we may not want to go.  A river seems to have a will of its own."

ACF church is a river.  

 GRACE NOTES: 
1. Connecting with our kids at church is a taste of heaven on earth. 

2. A sermon which left us challenged and contemplating what our journey will look like long-term. 

3. Lunch with some of our favorite girls...