Mom's 4th Heavenly Birthday

Mom was 71 years old when she decided it was time to learn to sky dive.  So, she did. Krista went with her.  Mom had a zest for life which I've only seen matched in my Grams.  Today is Mom's 4th Heavenly Birthday.  I remind myself to try new things. 

I woke at 3:30 a.m. and sat with my loneliness and grief. I miss her phone calls. I miss her stories. I miss the way she kept me connected to the people from my childhood. 

I found myself doing little things to honor her today...things that reminded me of her and keep her memory alive.  At about 6 a.m  I had a sweet cup of tea...

I took care of Dad. 

We went to church and out to lunch. After lunch we went through the DQ drive through (lobby STILL isn't open) and got blizzards and dipped cones. We took them to CoRielle's house and had them in honor of Grandma's Heavenly Birthday. 

Krista, Luke and Reno stopped by in the evening. It was fun to catch up with them. 

Connecting with family is probably the best way to honor Mom's memory. We share her stories and love for Jesus with her great grandkids who never got to know her. 

Four years without Mom, in some ways seems so long, and in other ways it's short. I'm thankful for the memories. 

We'll join you "soon," Mom. 

Livie's Baachan Date

Josiah and Livie drove out to the valley today. While everyone visited...Livie and I headed out for her date with Baachan. Our mission was to find gifts for her to give Josiah and Carrie (and to enjoy some time together).  Liv's a pro and knew exactly what she wanted to find. 

She also knew exactly where she wanted to eat - McDonald's. We finished the shopping and headed for lunch. She wondered if we'd see Alex and Nolan. She was excited to spot Nolan. 

Arielle picked up the girls and they and Benny met us downtown to explore a bit of Colony Christmas Days.  We went to the train depot to see Santa and reindeer...and oodles of people getting some Christmas shopping done. 

It was at the train depot where Liv and I shared a bit of an adventure. The person on the driver's side parked so close to me there was NO WAY we could open my door. We opened the passenger side and she easily got in. I, however, had to climb over the center console to get to my seat....horns honked in the process, lots of shared laughter, but we made it out of the parking lot. 

We headed over to the Pioneer Home, passing the Wise Men as we drove down main street. The living nativity was a great feature of the festivities.  

Livie was excited to see the pony in the parking lot at the Pioneer Home. Inside the home were a ton of gingerbread homes. 

There are some great entrants in this year's contest. 

We said goodbye to the pony on our way out. Arielle and Benny continued on to a hayride. We were cold and called it a day. We had not worn our winter gear - short sighted, indeed. It was 9* when we got back to the car. 

We toyed with attending the evening parade but decided it would be best to stay home, by the fire. We are a bit behind on our advent scavenger hunt and so Michael and I hid a couple of gifts. 

Scavenger Hunt Clue: I rock but I don't roll. 

It was noted we have a lot of rocking chairs and recliners in the house. They made the rounds and didn't find the gift. I was afraid they were about to turn Grandpa out of his recliner. I was relieved when they went back and checked the nook again, instead of ousting GG. 

Reindeer headbands for all 

Millie isn't so impressed

We hid a second gift and I made up a clue - which I will not post here. I am banned from thinking up further clues as mine turned out to be a bit risqué. ::blush:: Not to worry, Livie found the gift! That's the point of the clue anyway. 

When purchasing gifts for the hunts I picked some that would be family gifts, some cheap, some more expensive and many that would be things we could do together. I knew Liv would enjoy this one and we had decided not to go back out....a good night to work this one into the mix. 

Stacia whipped up frosting while Allie and Liv shaped cookies. The downstairs oven didn't set off the alarm. 

Well done, girls! 

It was a great day spent with loved ones. Livie went home with wrapped gifts and memories of a day spent with family. 

FRIDAY!!!! Yes.

Stacia looks for opportunities to bake. It's always best if we are having company and the calories can be shared. We have been trying to have Allie's Uncle and Aunt over for a couple of months. Tonight, he was in town, no one was sick, the schedule was clear, and we finally had Ed and Miley for dinner - such as it is. Many of you have visited our home on Friday night - 90% of the time we have pizza - which is what we did tonight.  Stacia jumped on the chance to try to make "hot cocoa cupcakes." 

They were cute and tasted good too. The frosting was made with marshmallow cream. Lethal - I had a 1/2 of one and felt quite good about my level of restraint. ::snort:: 

We bought this nativity when we lived on Christmas Lane in Texas.  We gave it to Mom and Dad when we were packing things with an eye to moving to Japan. It is one of the items Mom snuck into our trailer when we moved up here. We've not figured out how to set it up during the Alaska Christmas season.  There is a house in town with a ton of Christmas blow ups and I always want to stop and ask HOW do you get them staked to the ground when it's frozen? Do they put them out in September?????  Shoot - I thought I'd found the solution and put our fall yard signs in bales of hay. I can't get them OUT now...we will be "Trying Ham" all winter. LOL 

Michael had suggested the deck in year's past for the nativity - I didn't love the idea. It's an idea whose time has come.  We can see it from inside, I think a few can see it as they drive by....it's up. LOL Thanks, Hon! 

In other news...I did a thing. Allie has told me shaving one's head when one feels out of control is a good idea. There are quite a few things that are out of control just now...I settled for taking 10 inches off, rather than shaving...but she is right! It is a great pick me up. I can't make the weight come off; I can focus on healthy habits. I can't make Dad have good days. I can't make my A1C number behave (again focusing on habits - the number will do what it will do). I can't bring Mom back. I can't make everything easy and wonderful for the ones I love. I CAN cut my hair!

Our hair salon has the added bonus of being above our favorite coffee drive through. I sat and sipped when Courtney snipped, and we chatted. And I KNEW, before even seeing how this would turn out, this was a GOOD idea. I will need some daily "me" time to style this thing...and I'll get that sip and sit self-care every 6 - 8 weeks. This is good. And then I saw the results....and I like them too. LOL 

I snapped these photos to remind myself how this is supposed to look...and to assure the kids I did not get a mullet - my favorite style of all time. LOL 

because, YOU KNOW it never looks the same the morning after...and I knew I'd need to be able to look back and see what my goal is. 

Waking up the morning after

Not the same, but passable. LOL 

Saturday morning

Catching up with Larissa

 Larissa is in town this week with her job. We drove into town and met her, KrUke and CyRi for dinner.  I snapped a couple of photos before focusing in on catching up with these older Gherkins. 

Allie, Stacia, Larissa, Michael 

We love any time we can snatch with Jared or Larissa. It's always fun to get the call out of the blue that they are either in Anchorage or on their way to Anchorage. 

Krista, Luke, Josiah, Carrie (and Livie somehow missed both shots)

It's also always fun to catch up with the newlywed crew! Three of them are settling into new jobs as well as marriage. 

Simply Stacia

It's time for a couple of random, totally bragging, "Mommy stories."  Stacia worked hard last year....she was driven... She was working at a local cafe, taking a BIG school load, and baking cakes etc. She handled it, but we all sensed a need for her to step back... Her stress level was higher than we thought was necessary for a 10th grader. One doesn't have to do EVERYTHING before 18 (Stacia is currently 16). 

This year's pace is much less frenzied. She's taking a full Junior year of courses. She works as a "mommy's helper" one day a week. She is able to focus on an in-depth Brit Lit course and writing.  She is taking her 3rd credit of Japanese. We are standing back with curiosity to see how God weaves her dreams and skills into a future. She would love to travel, would love to spend time in Japan, and wants to someday own a cafe - a community hub. A cafe that would bless the community while providing her income.  She is currently praying about what to do the year after she graduates. She may take a gap year and travel (to include Japan), she may pursue college, or she has a thought of buying a food truck and starting on the road to a cafe/bakery. Who knows? One thing I know is God will faithfully lead one step at a time as she listens and follows...and we will all be amazed at how the picture will weave all the threads together. 

 The shift in her schedule has given her time to delve deeper into cake baking and decorating. This cake was ordered from her first REPEAT customer. 😀

They wanted an 8 inch cake showcasing their daughter's hobbies: sewing and building. Yadira is GREAT about finding photos of the cake she wants online and then tweaking it with Stacia. 

Stacia baked the cakes and then planned 3 days for decorating. Day 1 she worked on the fondant pieces for the sewing half of the cake. 

Sweet lace

Buttons anyone?

 

Day 2 she worked on details for the building side of the cake. 

I LOVE these little doo dads

Day 3 she put it all together. 

I think something like this would make a fun cake for a man who is into building or wood working...

The finished cake...this was a fun cake to watch come together. 

Yes, she is charging for her work.  She did this cake and some cupcakes for $100.00. We are pretty impressed with how her skills are developing...She hasn't taken a class, she DOES watch YouTube videos. I'd like to find her a class in the near future, or someone who decorates cakes and would like to mentor her. I'd also like to find more outlets for her practice cakes...because we have two diabetics in this house. ::snort:: 

We are proud of Stacia's work this year...her willingness to step back from activity and course-correct, her determination to do life well, her heart to connect with others.  She's a jewel. 

Hard Day - The Heart Remembers

December 7th has always meant Pearl Harbor. Yes, the day stands out more since having lived in Japan, touring Hiroshima...but I found myself getting sad yesterday. I woke up this a.m. and was simply out of sorts. I was sad, overwhelmed, longing for times past, thinking of Hardin, MT and past assignments and friends.  A friend who has suffered a great loss, shared with me she thinks our hearts remember at times before our minds remember. 

I pushed on with reading Revelation - though I didn't get to post in Bible Babes, as Dad rang and the day was off.

When Michael woke up it was obvious, I was still not quite "on."  Let's get real. It was QUITE OBVIOUS when I said, with tears in my eyes, I want out of my life. Now this is ODD. On most days I would tell you I love our crazy, unexpected retirement life.  He suggested I take a nap. The girls readily agreed to change some plans we had to surprise someone. I took a nap. I NEVER actually sleep deeply when I nap. Today, I did. 

I woke and was still sad but better. Michael suggested he go to the deli and pick up some dinner. We've done this FAR too often lately, but I agreed.  I had very little motivation to DO anything. He invited the girls to go with him to town.  Stacia made hot chocolate mix while I napped (probably inspired by the giant mugs from last night). As they all left, Dad got busy on the phone, and I thought it would be fun to make some sugar free hot chocolate mix. Hot Chocolate is a comfort drink from my childhood.  I haven't had any all year. I sat down at the computer with my mug, thinking I'd get a few back blogs posted and NOT post about today's funk....

Homemade sugar free mix - Max Mallows (SF)

I remembered Brenda's comment and decided to check our family journal (this blog) and see what my heart may be remembering. On Dec 7th, four years ago, Will, Dad, Sherri and I met with Mom's doctors. We called Nate and Heather and Michael, and we all agreed. It was time to change Mom's care to hospice. After talking with hospice, it was agreed Mom would remain in the hospital on comfort care/palliative care, as she was too sick to be moved. I've written about the decision and how one has to reaffirm the decision every step of the way to death.  As the post popped onto the screen I saw Mom's friend of 50 years and Mom in that hospital room....and the tears came hard. Then Dad, honestly looking a bit loony, but so much more independent and healthier than now, popped up on the screen... it's a good thing our hearts remember what our minds try to leave behind.  

I have done well this Christmas season. We got most of the decorations up, we still need to put Mom's outside nativity up. I've done the little things that were normal, that frankly, I've not felt up too in the past 3 years.  Mom LOVED Christmas. It was her schtick. Some would say I should celebrate it in memory, or honor, of her like she did...but honestly, I felt she was a bit over the top. ::snort::  I do find myself doing a few extra things she did. Christmas is all mixed up with Mom, and her death coming when it did only serves to strengthen that connection in my hear. I knew sometime during the season I'd most likely need to have a good cry. I hope today is it.  I have learned to sit with the grief rather than to try to ignore it.  It's been four years. The grief is much easier to live with in 2021 than it was in 2017. And yet, I still miss Mom. I miss the plans she had to move to Alaska and live her last years here.  I KNOW if she were here, we'd be chasing her down the sledding hill and fussing to her about the need for common sense. snort:: She'd probably be sneaking just as much sugar as Dad does. He SWEARS she ate more sugar than him, yet I refill HIS sugar bowl twice a week....with a stevia blend. 

I do love my life. I simply needed to sit with the "what might have beens," today.  I took the time to read the blog posts from that last week of Mom's life...and the lessons I learned from her. 

Michael and the girls got home with dinner. Alex and Nolan got home from work. We hadn't expected everyone to be home. What a great unexpected gift. 

Our Advent focus today is Jesus being TRUTH - and that tied it well with Rev 21 from this morning. We especially liked the thought that lies NEED the truth to wrap around, but truth stands all be itself. 

Alex drew out the Scavenger Advent Clue: You would not guess it; I am one of the oldest things in the house. 

Nolan's hip is hurting again. He stayed down but talked through the options and the others went to check them out. 

Allie found it first.  The rocking chair is my grandfather's. She waited for Stacia to find it. Then they waited for the boys to find it. Nolan pointed out there are a LOT of old things in this house. He's not wrong.  ::snort:: 

Hmmm....time to throw away 4 dead plant containers?

Yes, this one was OBVIOUS. We knew the boys were tired and yet, we wanted to make this memory with them. 

The gift tonight? A piece of fine holiday fashion. They each got a "Santa" hat.  I didn't realize Nolan's lit up. He says it will be great for a bit of holiday cheer at work. 😉

These hunts are a memory from the kids' childhood. I'm glad the girls suggested bringing them back when we talked about activities we should do this season. The hunt is really more fun than the gifts - but we decided to do the gifts this year too, and that's been a good decision. 

Allie, Nolan, Stacia, Alex

Alex headed for downstairs shortly after this photo. He DOES have to be at work at 0500. Nolan has the day off tomorrow and decided to stay on the couch with the heating pad and watch a movie. I left the room as they were discussing "Christmas movies," I thought. I came back and we were watching "The Muppets Most Wanted." 🤷

Everyone headed to bed. I blew out the candle we'd left burning after dinner and decided to blog about today after all.