Courageous Joy

PARENTING IN PROVERBS CONCLUSION

~There are four rod verses in Proverbs that mention "children". Yet, many Christians will tell you that the Biblical way of parenting involves spanking first and foremost....and that Proverbs teaches this. I've not found any other verses in the rest of the Bible to support this view. I've discovered that Proverbs, itself, doesn't support this view.

~In 3 of the four verses "child" is "naar" which culturally and traditionally was translated "youth" - 16 - marriage.

~Spanking, as taught by some sections of Christianity, is not supported by in-depth study of the Word. I am saying that spanking is not expressly forbidden in Scripture but neither is it commanded in Scripture.

~Proverbs does have a LOT to say about parenting - more than I expected.

~Christians would be better off encouraging one another in ways to apply the concepts of "discipline" (which means training, oral instruction based on a coventantal relationship that is God-centered and God-natured) than in arguing over spanking. I think we can all agree that the Word clearly shows we are to be doing much, much more with our children than simply spanking.

~Many parents I know who do spank ARE concerned about the heart of their children. When we spanked it was NOT the main tool in our tool box. It was not used often. We were always concerned about our children's heart and not simply behavior.

~However, I'm seeing more and more Christian parents who are to "busy" to fulfill Biblical discipline and have resorted to thinking that if they spank instantly they are guaranteed godly offspring...I don't see that supported by Scripture.

Finally, I began this study figuring that I would find that everyone is right and that I needed to be using the rod more often on my children. I hated this idea, but I also knew that I love God more than any stance or belief I may have. I am committed to obedience and often those commands are revealed in the Word. I HAD studied this before but never as in-depth as I did this time. I KNEW that there were valid reasons that spanking was not my focus and that my concerns of proof-texting with various parenting verses were valid. I discovered, once again, that we should never be afraid to study the Word. Often the church has told us that certain verses mean one thing - when in fact - they don't. In other words we've been taught the interpretations of the Word and not how to study the Word for ourselves. In this case I discovered that the rod verses were much more complicated than they seemed to be on the surface. We THINK something like "that's cut and dried, I know exactly what that means" but we are guilty of putting 21st century interpretations on words that meant something else in the culture. It's been a fascinating study.

WHY did I drag you all along? One, I needed to write SOMEWHERE how we parent and why. Several wanted to know what I found.

Two, for a teacher...any study leads to a desire to share....

Third, I wanted to illustrate HOW to do a topical study....so I explained step by step, over the months, how I did this. Many on SHS have asked me HOW to do a word study... I showed how to do word studies and then showed several examples.

Fourth, I took you through Proverbs with me for several reasons. After doing word studies we always take the word back to the verses where it was found. To gain accurate context we will read the authors whole letter or book. After studying the rod verses it was important to see what else Proverbs had to say and if our observations would fit the context of the rest of the book. AND I wanted to show how easy it is to do a devotional study. We could easily read through Proverbs saying, "What does this book say to me about marriage" or "what does this book say to me about finances"....

The next step is to look at the topic throughout Scripture....which I have begun doing. I'm ending my notes here because this will be an on going study....I have a notebook with all these notes and will add to it as I read through the Bible.

I will also now begin to read the stack of books that many of you have been recommending over the months. HOWEVER, now I'm evaluating what the authors say by what I've discovered in the Word. The WORD is my foundation for my belief and I won't be easily swayed to believe one way or another because of specific authors. It is important to me to know that my actions are based on the Word and not on "impressions" I may have or on other's writings. I've been told several authors agree with me...so why did I spend all this time checking for myself when I could have gone to several websites, read the books several recommended and reached the same conclusion in a fraction of the time? If I had read the authors FIRST, I would have still be left with wondering if I was trying to skirt the rod verses. I'm now fully convinced. Study of the Word gives me confidence. Also a few of those websites are very unbalanced in trying to support their perspective. I have no need to enter on a crusade. I had a need to know what the Word said for MY family.

Many of you know that I'm currently raising an alphabet soup child. Some who do not know what this is like, have encouraged me that if I'd spank him more, longer, and harder "he would shape up". The thing is that God created THIS child for a PURPOSE and THIS child has some differences....I am convinced that he will NEVER "shape up" in the sense of being a cookie cutter child. LOL That is NOT bad. You've heard me say this before. I have another strong willed son. It is not bad. It is the PERSONALITY that God gave him....and properly mentored, taught, and discipled, that determination has already been used of GOD and will be used of God in the future to accomplish great things for the kingdom. We need to quit thinking our children must be "fixed" to fit societies norm....and begin to see that God knew exactly what He was doing when He created each one. My son responds well to a parent who comes along side and teaches him HOW to respond in situations that he simply doesn't have the typical skills to deal with - yet. Spanking does not train him....he takes the spanking and continues to respond inappropriately - because that is what's inside of him. {G} His behavior often is distressing to me, but God continues to confirm that his HEART is to be my focus....regardless of how many other well-meaning Christians tell me to do this or that. I parent to please God. I hope you hear that I am not ANGRY at the advice I receive....I am simply motivated to figure out what the WORD has to say. Some children simply will not respond, as the majority of children may, and the Word gives us the freedom to use lots of techniques to SHEPHERD/PASTOR our children.

I'd always been led to believe that "non-spankers" were lazy, permissive, letting their children run wild.....I hope this study has shown you this is not the case. I don't spank - or haven't for quite a bit of time. My children, however, are NOT left to their own. I don't chalk bad behavior up to "developmental levels" - though I do recognize that there ARE maturity levels of children it would be good for us to WORK with instead of punish for. Often I see children being disciplined for being child-like. God doesn't discipline ME for being child-like in my faith...He instructs me how to mature. I have often thought "it would be much easier to spank him now than to take 30 minutes dealing with his heart issue". So...wherever you stand on this stance...let's look more to OUR households and less to others. Let's realize that all are trying to do the very best we can and that really the Scripture has a lot more to say on the subject than "spare the rod spoil the child" (which doesn't mean what its quoted to prove anyway).

Non-spankers should NOT assume that spankers are mean, hate their children or are lazy. Spankers should not assume that non-spankers are liberal, lazy or push overs. Quit judging each other. Get direction from God and give others the freedom to get direction for THEIR individual children from God as well. More than anything else I hope that this has helped others with a stance different than my own, to realize that those with my beliefs really also love their children, are very involved with their children and have valid Biblical reasons for doing what they do as well.

The bottom line is that each of us will be responsible to God for how we've raised our children. We owe it to our children to search out what God says on this matter and not what various authors say that God says on this subject.

The end.