Girls that Warm My Heart

I sit and look over the day and realize I got to spend the day with special girls that warm my heart...add Stacia to this mix...no photo. 

Allie and I made it out for our "weekly" one-on-one date. It's been several weeks since we've gone out due to her college schedule. It was good to sit and talk. We came up with a plan for our Bible study times for the rest of the year.  We didn't take a photo at the cafe but here is one of us at home. My poor family and friends. I'm BLOOOOOGGGGING again. Smile, pretty! LOL 

Me & Allie

I made sourdough rolls today.  They are good. I didn't put the honey and butter on them that was called for. Someone asked me what we're doing with all this bread...WELLLL....we eat quite a bit, I give a bit away, I double wrap and freeze some for later use. Seriously, my doc recommended sourdough and making it is far cheaper than purchasing it. As I've been making a few other things with the starter this week I've realized the ole standard I make most days is very healthy. It has no sugar or butter in it. It's starter, flour, water, and salt.  The fermentation is good for gut health. All in all - if we want bread this is a good choice... I like baking bread, and they like eating it...it's therapeutic.  These are wrapped and in the freezer.   I was afraid they wouldn't rise but they rose quite well. 

These gals reached out to me and asked if we could get together. Oh, yes. There is a new spot in town we tried....The Sweet Gypsy. YUMMY food - and the prices were good too. I had a Kale salad that was fabulous. They have a couple of calzones Michael may like. We'll have to try a date night soon. 

Melany, Me and Joelle #girltribe

Michael and Dad stayed home with pizza for dinner. The girls are at an ice skating/hot chocolate party with friends from college tonight. 

Check out Josi - I think she's figured out the thumb thing. 

Josi @ 1 month - photo by Carrie

Livie displays a style we see a lot of up here! 

Photo by Carrie

Look at that SMILE and dimple! 

Photo by Carrie

Does anyone else feel like this has been a really long week? I am ready for a slower pace for a couple of days. 

GRACE NOTES:

1. One-on-one time with Allie. 

2. A community that loves us well. 

3. Two more girls are going "with me" to IF:2024 - Arielle & Carrie. 

4. Friends - love you Melany and Joelle. 

5. A husband who doesn't think twice about finishing the stretching and folding of sourdough, cookie dinner himself and hanging out with Dad so I can duck out for a few hours with friends. 

A Great Day

Josi is one month old today! What a beautiful gift she is to our entire family. Carrie is such a great mama and Livie is a fantastic big sister!  Josi is long and thin like her daddy. She LOVES outside walks and sleeps better on the days she gets outside.  It would thrill Josiah to know she loves Alaska's outdoors. 

Photo via Carrie

Yes, she's discovered her thumb! 

photo by Carrie

Stacia and I have adjusted our one-on-one meeting time. We have done breakfasts for years. Michael watches GG while the girls and I meet. He meets with Alex on Friday afternoons. Michael's hard nights are making my 3 mornings a week out of the house (babysitting boys, each of the girls) difficult. We moved our breakfast studies to lunch...and the boys don't need me any longer. It's still a sacrifice for Michael but it's doable.  Stacia has a Thursday morning class and I meet her at the cafe when she is done before her afternoon of study. LOL We aren't doing a prepared study in this season. We are simply looking at 3 verses of my choosing every week. LOL 

Ah - the bread routine. I was working on Brioche, something new to me, yesterday and today so the rhythm was a bit off.  I was happy to see the dough really did rise over night. 

Stacia suggested I not try the braid until she was home to help. She's good at this stuff. The timing was off. I needed to punch this down, form the loaf and let it have a long second rise in order to bake it before our evening plans. I decided to attempt it alone. I started out well and then got lost in the cross overs. About 1/2 through I simply began tucking strands where I could fit them. ::snort:: 

Michael said it looked fine for a first try...and it tasted AMAZING.  It's a rich dough with lots of butter, 4 eggs, couple tablespoons of sugar, and milk. It tasted very sweet to us - probably because our sourdough rounds have no sugar and that's been our only bread as it doesn't spike blood sugar levels quite like regular store-bought bread. I should experiment with monkfruit or swerve or something. 

I could tell it was a hit as it looked like this in no time at all.... I'm thinking the dough without the braid could make a yummy slicing loaf - maybe decrease the sugar. 

I mixed up todays dough to make rolls for tomorrow. I hope they work as well. The Bosch is continuing to dance and leap all over the counter. I caught it mid-air today and decided to hug it for 5 min. Allie grabbed a photo as we laughed. We're brainstorming best ideas to contain the Bosch.  YES, it's ALWAYS done this - since it was new in 2004.  In times past there was always a child or two happy to watch it. 

ACF, Eagle River church, is hosting the women's If:2024 gathering in April. I registered today. I am excited to finally be able to participate in one of the IF gatherings. I've loved many of the speakers for years...Jenni Allie, Sadie Robertson, Christine Caine, Annie Downs, Toni Collier, Amy Bay, Jada Edwards, and the list continues.  

We planned to meet Chase, Jamin, Jenni, Nolan and Alex at the movies at 5:45. This meant for an early dinner. I had brought Michael a Reuben home from the cafe. He insists these are the best in town - and he has tried them all. The sad reality is they are only on the menu in March. Dad ate the other 1/2 of my lunch sandwich and chips.  The girls found leftovers and I settled for a piece of bread with a bit of all-fruit jam.  Then we raced to the theater in Wasilla. On the way we found out Chase couldn't join us due to work. This was season 4, Episode 7 and 8 of The Chosen. It was excellent. They showed this season in three theater events before releasing it for free on the app. The first episode was emotionally devastating to a family in mourning. It was hard, but good.  We missed the second episode. Tonight, we were prepared for the grief and joy surrounding Lazarus death and resurrection.  It was well done. Going to the movies in a smallish town one always runs into people we know - which is an added bonus.  It was fun to meet up. I was surprised when Jenni showed up to visit after the movie. Thursday is our Jenni night and movies just aren't conducive to visiting.  Michael had invited her over while I was in the car. LOL

I leave you tonight with a photo of another grand blessing. This is Noah enjoying a post district convention treat - Chugiak/Eagle River's youngest Republican. Who says there aren't perks to campaigning? 

Photo via Jared 

GRACE NOTES: 

1. One-on-one time with Stacia. 

2. Chance meetings around town at lunch and the theater. 

3. Movies with the gang. 

4. Thursday night visit with Jenni. 

5. One month with Josi.

6. One more mile towards March's walking goal. 

7. Having so many Gherkins in the area is blessing beyond measure. 

Baking, College, Counseling and Life Group

Another morning, another loaf of sourdough. I have 3 in the freezer, and we'll eat this one tonight/tomorrow. I decided to try something different. 

I am trying a brioche with eggs and butter and milk...and starter. I'm not sure I'll be able to figure out the braiding by myself...but I'll worry about that tomorrow morning. 😀 I pulled out the Bosch to do the kneading...and it walks and leaps all over the counter. WHAT have YOU done to keep your mixer from walking? I decided to sit down with a cuppa chai and a scone if I was going to have to stand with a hand on the mixer for 10 min anyway. ::snort:: 

The girls didn't have classes today.  Stacia had time to take Millie for a run in the park. Millie feels like a queen as she got the cow hip joint/bone to eat today too.  Allie and Stacia are working hard to get things completed before spring break.  Stacia had a counseling appointment.  The girls stayed home with GG and watched, "The Iron Giant." 

Michael and I attended a new life group. We are pretty excited to be taking this "next step" with our current church.   We had been hoping for a life group in the valley. This one is just starting in our town...we won't have to drive 1 1/2 hours to attend, and we may make new friends who live out here. We're discussing Nehemiah which is a book I've wanted to spend time studying for about 9 months. 

GRACE NOTES:

1. Everyone was home for dinner - that doesn't happen often these days with the girls' college and social schedules. 

2. We began attending a life group in our town. 

A Day in the Life

 Just a routine day at home....

The morning begins with baking the loaf of sourdough which has been fermenting overnight...spending time with Jesus...getting GG up, into the shower and through breakfast...

Next, I prep the pieces that will become tomorrow's bread and feed the starter....

The chickens are ready to be fed; I collect eggs, make deviled eggs, boil another couple dozen eggs and then jump on the treadmill. I miss my outdoor walks, but I don't dare leave Dad alone for that long in the house. Michael is having more and more trouble sleeping and often sleeps into the afternoon.  It is TIME to see the neurologist again. 

Allie left for counseling and college.

I blogged. I'm trying to get at least one back post a day.  Writing DOES usually help me process. Several wonderful blog readers are giving me positive feedback. Michael and I didn't want it to seem like our "family" quit when Josiah was gone...and there are lots of great things going on... I agreed it was time to start blogging again.  What I didn't think about is that to write them, I would have to go back and re-live them to be able to capture the emotions of the event.  There were a lot of big milestones in February, and while it's great to write about it and I'm happy to have begun, it's also been emotional. 

I had just finished the post on everyone meeting Josi and looked to see the next one up. It's on our celebration of Josiah's birthday. I wasn't up to it.  I pulled a beef bone out of the deep freeze to cook up for Millie, and I decided to make a salad for dinner first. 

Millie went CRAZY!!!!! I ignored her.  Dad said, "The boy is here!" 

"Which boy, Dad?" I yelled. 

"Jonathan!" 

The trouble is we do not have a Jonathan yet in the Gherkin lineup. I couldn't think of a Jonathan we know in town. 

BENNY! was at the door, and soon Charles and Danny joined him with Cory and Arielle. They brought me a chai latte!!!!  YES, they did. They said they thought Bachan needed some emotional support. How SWEET! They could tell by the blogs it would be hard and came to my rescue. We visited. Michael got up and joined us.  We started a rousing Church leader type discussion about leadership, vision, church growth and church structure by comparing all the churches we've participated in, chapels we've worked in, churches we are attending, pastors we've known and loved, men and women Michael supervised.  It was fun. Sometime in this conversation, Stacia got home from college and joined the conversation (she and Allie are taking a class on church leadership), Danny G (from MAG - the youth pastor) walked into the kitchen! May I say I absolutely LOVE IT when our people feel at home enough to just walk in the door! 

It was perfect timing for so many reasons.  Mary K, Michael's sister, had sent a couple of packages for Arielle's baby. I was able to pass them along. 

Arielle and Benny

Danny and Michael disappeared into the study. Michael proctors Danny's online college exams for him.  We continued our discussion for a bit and then CoRielle left.  OH! Benny was more than happy to take my dozen jumbo eggs home! He likes to see if there are double yolks when he makes breakfast. Yes, that little man can make perfect scrambled eggs. I have another dozen jumbo eggs tonight. LOL 

I had pulled loins out earlier to bake for tonight but realized it would be 8 p.m. if I went that route. It was 6:00 - 6:30....so we opted for a comfort dinner of nuggies and fries, and the loins are cooking low and slow. I'll reheat them for tomorrow's dinner. 

Krista called, and we had a fun conversation with her as dinner ended. 

Stacia and I are settling in to watch The Game Plan, and Allie will be home by 9 p.m. 

GRACE NOTES:

1. Kids who love me enough to show up with chai unannounced when they suspect I need to see their faces! 

2. I blogged - again! I'm re-establishing the habit. 

3. Friends that are family enough to walk in without knocking...we have several. 

4. Another 2.75 miles towards this month's goal of 50 miles. 

A Hard Monday

This morning was HARD.  

All Monday's have a bit of a sting - still - 19 weeks after the fateful Monday. At least it's Flannel Monday, and I didn't have to wonder about what to wear. ::snort:: 

I suppose there are times when joy is at the forefront, and there are days when grief steps front and center.  I began the day working on the back post of Josi's Birth Story for the blog. It was sweet...and wonderful...and such joy, but as I was warned, there was great grief that day. Grief sometimes overwhelms the joy. One just has to let grief be felt and then joy nudges it to the background.  To blog, I went back and felt it all again...that sense that one could almost SEE Josiah in the room, and yet he wasn't.  Such INREDIBLE joy and such a deep, gutter pain of longing for someone who is missing. 

As I was blogging, it seemed a good time to add a photo with Josi to the sidebar of the blog. I ran smack into the fact I didn't want to replace the photo I had updated in Sept 2023...it is the last one I have of Josiah with Carrie and Liv. It's the small things that can start the waterworks. In the end, I added a photo from the day of Josi's birth and left the first one, too. 

I was just finishing the blog when Arielle texted to confirm the dates for dip netting 2024. Josiah and Michael had gone back and forth, and I was instantly there in the conversation again. Josiah saying it was about FAMILY as much as fishing, and it would be o.k. if we didn't get the best tides. He felt the priority was to span a weekend so adult working Gherkins could join for a bit even if they didn't come down for the whole 5 days. Such wisdom.  It made me cry to think of dip-netting on the Kenai without Josiah...and yet, it makes me happy to carry on the tradition with those who are ready to do so. 

I finally just went and jumped on the treadmill. I didn't feel a lot better after the 2.75 miles...but it was time to shower and run to a local cafe. 

I've not seen Jennifer to sit down and talk for at least four months. It was great to catch up. We could have used a bit more time. 

The girls were already gone for their college class when I returned home. Actually, Stacia had gone to a class in the a.m. and then gone on to a local recreational area to ski. They met back at college for their evening class.  Michael and I threw something together for dinner here at the house. He had purchased some prepared meals for nights when I was at Grief Group. We pulled the last one out for tonight. 

I'm drained tonight. Lots of emotions to sort through and that exhausts me. GG is busy working on a puzzle. Michael is reading. I plan to join him as soon as I hit "publish" on the blog. 

GRACE NOTES:

1. I'm thankful I found TWO JUMBO egg cartons in my stash. These are the eggs over 2.5 ounces the girls gave us today.  It's the simple pleasures. LOL 

2. I'm so thankful CoRielle were able to book a cabin at the RV campground we stay at while dip-netting. 

3. Tea with a dear friend. 

4. 2.75 miles towards my March goal of 50 miles of walking. 

Sunday Snuggles

 One unexpected benefit of delayed blogging is one can sort all the pictures into categories and do a few posts rather than 30 for a month.  I spent a couple of hours last night organizing February's pictures. I am hoping I can easily do a back post and a current one each day. We'll see. 

This Sunday was a bit "odd" for us. JaRissa are under the weather and weren't at church. Stacia and Allie visited a Slavic church in town for a college assignment. They enjoyed themselves. Jamin went to the early service so he could be in the valley and go to the Iditarod start with Jenni, and Daniel and Joelle.  We drove two cars into Eagle River. We were happy to see KrUke and the kids.... I got to snuggle with Josi during church. That's pretty awesome. 

Dad, Michael and I grabbed lunch and then delivered the truck and eggs to JaRissa's home.  Our next stop was at Carrie's to visit she and the girls. 

Such a sweetheart & a little piece of Josiah

While I visited with Carrie and enjoyed more snuggles, Michael fixed the front door. 

Olivia is a GREAT big sister. She was even willing to change what we thought was a dirty diaper. LOL 

Livie and Josi

Josi and Carrie 

These girls mean the world to Michael and I. We were so happy to be able to spend quiet time with them today. It's good to be well. 

GRACE NOTES

1. Holding Josi during church was bliss. 

2. Baby snuggles and sweet conversation with Carrie while Michael worked on the front door was an added bonus to the day.

3. Yummy choices within the parameters of my Lent fast. 

Wedding Rings by Carrie

Note: Carrie has given us permission to save some of her thoughts here on the blog.

This week I was given Josiah’s wedding ring back from the police. This ring symbolizes a beautiful marriage that was cut short by evil. Holding this ring again for the first time since October 23rd hurt worse than I expected. It’s not how things were meant to be.

Today at church, Pastor Josh talked about the covenant of marriage and the beauty in it. He also spoke on how much BETTER everything will be in heaven...even better than what I believed was a perfect marriage with Josiah.

This is a season of such joy and grief. A roller coaster I never wanted to ride. But as my mother-in-law wrote on her blog, the tension of allowing grief and joy to coexist provides depth and dimension to my relationship with Jesus. I know Josiah is proud of me and proud of his girls. And I know that when it’s our time to join him, he will welcome us with open arms and a cheerful “hey y’all!” Until then, I will be grateful for the 2 years of beautiful marriage we shared together.