Courageous Joy

Age of Opportunity (emphasis mine)

I’m currently reading this book. I really need to probably get that book blog running. {g} It’s set up. I’d thought I’d write chapter summaries of the non-fiction books I’m reading and whoever wanted to could comment…sort of a book discussion….but I’ve not had the time to write the summaries yet. I am rereading this book and finding his approach to be gentler than his brothers in *Shepherding a Child’s Heart*….but the principles are the same. This book gave us confidence to face the “teen” years as Bre (who is now 21) entered those years. With a 21, 19, 17 and 15 yo “under our belts” and a 12 ½ year old quickly entering this phase, we have found these years to be wonderful, exciting and truly an AGE OF OPPORTUNITY and reaping some awesome benefits from the early years of sowing into their lives. I want to encourage you that the teen years need not be feared. They have also been great opportunities of personal growth. In fact….maybe some of us need so much work that that is why we have so many years in the teen years. {bg}

Here are a few quotes I’ve read in the past couple of days that I especially liked.

“The rules and regulation approach that focuses on keeping the teen out of trouble will ultimately fail because it does not deal with the heart. {snip} We have to work at the level of the heart desires with our teenagers, or we will win lots of battles and ultimately lose the war. It is not enough to be detectives, jailers, and judges. We must PASTOR the hearts of our children with the kind of faithful, watchful care for their souls that we receive from our heavenly Father. (Yes, yes, YES!!!)

The parent who has a pastoral model of parenting will do more than hand down regulations and enforce punishments when the regulations are broken. Pastoring parents will befriend their teen. They will probe and examine. They will engage their child in provocative discussions. They will be unwilling to live with distance, avoidance, and nonanswers. They will not let the teenager set the agenda for the relationship. In times of trouble, they will hold discussions rather than cross-examinations. They will not be there simply to prove the child wrong and to announce punishment. They will seek to expose the true thoughts and motives of t heir teenager’s heart by asking heart-disclosing questions. {snip} They will help their teenager to look at himself in the accurate mirror of the Word, which is able to expose and judge the heart. And they will do all of this in a spirit of humble, gentle, kind, forgiving, forbearing, and patient love.” *Age of Opportunity*, Paul David Tripp, p 111 – 112.

Several things leap at me when I read this – obviously the whole thing and especially the parts I put in bold {bg} but also the fact that this type of parenting, this Pastoral Parenting, TAKES TIME! It’s WORK. I’ve watched my husband come home at 8:00 p.m. from a long day of work and take the time to shepherd the boys’ hearts. The time I’m thinking of he walked with me and we discussed the issues and my concern. Then he walked with each of the boys and then one of them a second time. He patiently listened and asked those “heart disclosing questions” – all with a view of helping our sons SEE what their actions exposed of their heart and it led the boys to repentance….now THAT’S discipline! He walked until well after 10 p.m. It would have been so much easier to say, “You are this, this and that and because you can’t do this and that you are grounded”. No, they weren’t grounded. BUT they saw their heart, they were broken and grieved before the Lord and they changed. That’s the goal….heart change….it just takes more time than other methods.

It takes me being in the WORD if I’m going to use the Word as a mirror for my children. I also must be very careful not to constantly use the Word as a club and create distaste for the Word in my children’s life.

Above all my care, love and shepherding of my children is to be KIND and patient…..Titus 2 (a passage so many quote a verse or two from but have never really studied – this little book is a jewel) instructs older women to teach the younger women to love their husbands and children. I checked it out years ago. The word for love is Phileo. A kind, brotherly-hearted love. At that point in my life, my home didn’t show much phileo. I was in charge, I was the parent, they obeyed me without question and were well-behaved, I intimidated with bursts of anger….but God spoke clearly to my heart that I was NOT “loving them” the way I was commanded to love them. I was not doing a thing to shepherd their heart but was focused only on behavior….and He had a much greater focus than I.

Just thoughts I’ve been having.