Friday, January 03, 2014
Fear and Conception
I woke this morning to the first day of reading through the New Testament. I woke late.
Self talk - "That's o.k. Matthew 1 - you've got this. One big point for the chapter - Matthew 1 - what was the main point - "Family Matters." It's just a long list of names. May as well read it before you journal."
And there...nestled in the long list of names and the familiar story - God showed up!
"...don't be afraid....because what has been conceived...is by the Holy Spirit." Matt 1:20.
There it is. Black and white. My fears, my wrestling, my heart.
BreAnne prayed in family circle something to the effect of, "Give Mom peace as they follow God. We're all o.k. We're o.k."
And I cried. I still cry.
Following Jesus is costly. I'm torn. I want to courageously say yes. I want to follow Him with laser focus. Yesterday was a "goodbye day". As they left, I realized, I also want to remain close to all the Gherkins. As if my physical presence, my mama eye, is somehow essential for their well-being.
I walked. I prayed. I reached the same conclusion.
"Your will, Abba, not mine."
I will live courageously.
I will love courageously.
I will follow courageously.
And this morning, here it is, as I prepare to rush through my reading and journal that deep thought - "family matters."
Don't be afraid - Fear causes me to run from following Jesus. "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear..." I Jn 4:18. I hear the Divine whisper, "Trust me. Love courageously. Follow Me. I'll watch them. They're o.k."
That which has been conceived is of the Holy Spirit. The dream planted in our heart, in the very soil of our family, is of God. It's been generated by the Holy Spirit. It will grow, it will bear fruit and it will bring forth new life in the Kingdom of God.
He met me in the sanctuary/the secret place of His word.
What about you? Has the Holy Spirit conceived something new in your life? Embrace it. Do not be afraid...you can follow Him with courage and full trust.
Sorry about the red font....if I use white it won't show when the blog is printed. I tried to just bold but all the font is bold...so there you have it.
Living all of life before the face of God...