The Tree is Up!

Jamin is home and came by to visit - after he shoveled his home out. Of course, it snowed the day he returned.  ::snort:: He stayed for dinner, and we enjoyed hearing about his trip. He "charged the storm." He went to the places he and Josiah loved together in West TX and he let himself feel all the emotions. The track, the church, the college, the mall, the Chick Fil A, the Twin Buttes, our old home, Lake Nasworthy... He embraced the emotions of grief. The book I am reading says to do that when you feel safe...and well...it was time. 

We decided to charge the storm in our small way tonight.  We decorated the tree. I am NOT putting up all the decor this year. There are wreaths on two doors. There is one nativity. There are a couple of pictures around and no, I am NOT wrapping all our doors and photos in Christmas paper this year. There is a tree. I only planned to put lights on it - lots of lights. 

I planned to buy 5 boxes, but Freddies was out of either multi-colored or plain white lights in boxes. I got two big spools of mini white lights. I realized I had 160 feet of lights or 8 boxes worth of lights. Michael and Jamin put the first spool on. It was nice...but we needed MORE LIGHTS. They added the 2nd spool of lights...and posed so graciously as they began adding the 2nd spool of lights.  ::grin:: 

The light shines in the darkness and the darkness cannot overcome it. 

Yep - I need lots of lights this year. 

Next, Stacia put her great-grandmother's tree topper up. I hadn't realized it could be 100 years old. I know it's at least 80 years old. 

I wasn't going to put ornaments on the tree as my ornaments are pictures and I didn't want to cry. But I have to make space for the emotions of grief.  We set this bag aside and put the others up. I'm sad I can't find a few of the photo ones we had up last year. There is also a special ornament still in the garage I won't put up this year as I think we are done going through boxes. LOL It is one Julia gave me years ago when I had a miscarriage. It's a clear glass bulb with sparkly tinsel that was for me to remember when everyone else had moved on....it has come to stand for all those we've lost - the 7 miscarriages, Grams, Uncle Bill, Mom, Dad and Mom G, Granma Ann... it's been my private memorial for decades now. It's out there somewhere. Finally, we unpacked ornaments of Josiah's Christmas'.

Yes, I teared up. This is Josiah's first Christmas. He is 10 months old; Krista is 2 and Bre is 4. 

Carrie told me having her Christmas tree up sparked a bit of joy. I see that now.  I cried...but I'm also happy. Happy to remember. Happy to have one thing normal in this crazy season.  That does NOT mean I am going to put up the outside decor or drag more boxes inside. This is enough. 

We found a new spot for the tree. I like it. We can see all sides of the tree, it can handle lots of lights, it reflects in three windows, and it makes a fun place for people to warm by the fire. 

GRACE NOTES:

1. I didn't hit the moose in the road on my way to town. This was 9 a.m.

2.  Today was the first time Stacia and I have been back to study since...

3. ALWAYS such a thrill when it snows, and Shawn shows up to plow. Jamin spoils us.  

4. Stacia and I stopped by Laura's to pick up a Christmas surprise. We got to meet her dogs and I got a hug. Some of you may know her from Little House Big Alaska, I know her from food co-op. 

5. It was certainly a note of grace to catch up with Jamin and his adventures in TX. He is prepping to move from one side of Wasilla back into a unit at the 4 plex he owns in Eagle River. We are buying something he owns...something we've been saving for years to purchase new. We'll be able to set it up in the back yard next summer....any guesses?