Thursday, May 31, 2007

WHAT SHOULD I SAY????

I've been asked this a LOT. Often people who know I've had many miscarriages will write and ask what they should do when a friend is having a troubled pregnancy. I guess what you live you begin to get good at? Speaking from the perspective of one who has had six miscarriages....

I'm convinced that we as Christians need to learn to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. So often, we think we need to FIX IT or have a magnificent doctrinally correct word....but grieving women simply need to know you care.

Recognize the importance and significance of her loss.

Simply say you are sorry.

Hugs. Prayers. But you really can't fix it....this may not be the time when she needs a multitude of words....let the Holy Spirit gently guide her and you. You can't imagine the hurt that we cause others when we say things that are simply "silly"....I always look at the motives...but I've thought how really - if your friend is going through this saying less, may mean more.

I have one friend who called and said, "What do you want me to say?" I told her that I wanted her to say she was sorry I was losing our baby. She did. She cried. I cried. I knew she was praying. I knew she had faith in the strength of my God and my relationship with Him - she didn't feel the need to "strengthen me" - she just wept with me.....

Really, instead of worrying about what to say...just BE...be a friend.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

(((((De'Etta)))))

I'm so sorry about your loss...the memorial service sounds very special...you're in my prayers...

blessings, amy

Shari said...

Thanks for your insightful words. I had some horrible comments my way of people who I know were trying to say the "right" thing.

Kristine said...

This is a touching post, De'Etta. I don't have anything really to say but I can't pass by without commenting either. I think, as women, we want to be "fixers," but there are so many things that we can't "fix" and we can only offer support and love to our friends.